Archive: 3 posts

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Hi guys. I'm hoping to write a book, with emphasis on hoping since I'm rather lazy. But I have the first chapter done, so I suppose I ought to get "You tried" star or something. 1. School was about fifteen minutes in when the explosion happened. Fifteen minutes, more or less. That was at least what Chase Garcia thought, because he was late. Of course, Chase was always late. His first period French teacher would say, “You’re late, get to your desk,” but she would never seem to do anything else beyond that. Despite his copious amount of tardies, the school didn’t bother to try to punish him beyond an irritated remark from the teacher. I must have forty to fifty by now, he thought, and maybe today, this time, the teacher will actually do something. “Chase Garcia, this must be the millionth tardy you’ve had!” she could say, and maybe give me an after school detention. Or a sucker punch. Or anything that would be different. Chase didn’t care that much. Deep down, he knew that she would do nothing about it. Chase had had these kinds of thoughts before, and with no results. “Umpteenth time’s a charm,” was not a phrase, and a continuation of the same routine would not surprise Chase, as it didn’t surprise him all the other times he was late to French class. Today would be, more or less, like previous days. BOOM! It came right up from the basement below the French classroom. All at once, there was a blinding fire, the pure Sun-white of an incinerating temperature that seemed to set the whole world ablaze. Chase’s retinas burned, then screamed. The sound shook the air so violently it tore at his eardrums. Metal bent, concrete broke, and wood sizzled. The heat came like a truck, and Chase could feel the skin on the front of his body char, just briefly, before he was thrown and slammed onto his back. There was no time to do anything. Chase could only the feel the building shatter, as superheated dust blew at his body and face. Then, it was over. It took Chase a few moments to regain his hearing, then a few more to regain his sight. When he opened his eyes, he could barely recognize anything. Both Chase and the classroom were “far out”-Chase knocked onto his back amid a pile of hot debris, and the classroom right up into the second floor, then the third, then through the roof, by then which it had lost its structural integrity. It was like the handiwork of a mad elevator-operator. “First floor,” he’d say, “going up. It’s awfully hot, isn’t it? Second floor, is anybody getting off? Please don’t, there are children here. Third floor, never let it be said that something that is not an elevator cannot become an elevator. It’s the natural desire of all things to be animate, after all, and the same goes for this classroom. Fourth floor-wow, this isn’t even a floor, we’re on top of the school now. We’re breaking new ground, or roofs, mind you. Doesn’t it bring tears to your eyes, the achievements we’re making? We’re breaking new barriers, we’re breaking new limits, we’re breaking apart…“, and then all that would be left of the once noble French classroom would be smoldering chunks of concrete, children, and inspirational posters. But not Chase. It was as if somebody had dropped the Great Pyramid upside-down onto the spot of the French class and spun it like a top, and yet, by some force of nature, Chase was alive. Alive. Severely burned, bruised from being thrown backward, and with a tremendous pain all throughout his body, but still alive. The blast had sent a classroom into the sky, had torn holes in the floors above him, each one bigger than the one below, and yet it had only thrown him backward. Debris was falling, large chunks smashing into the already damaged floors around him, but the only things that hit him were the rays of sunlight. Chase couldn’t believe it. He lay on his back, like an upturned tortoise, and there was no ceiling between him and the sky. I’m alive, he thought, I’m alive, just a bit away from a bomb and I survived. All the other kids, all the early kids, burned up and fired into the sky, and I’m alive. He was gazing right into the Sun, and his retinas were burning like before, but he didn’t care. That’s where they are now, he thought, they’ve left the Earth, but I’m still here, I’m still bleeding and burning and feeling the ground on my back, thank you God, I’m alive, I’m alive… He thought that last thought over and over again as he stared into the Sun. Eventually, he had the good sense to close his eyes, and he promptly passed out. Ya'll should tell me what you think.

2014-02-22 17:58:00 Author: Kalawishis Posts: 928

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Yeah, I thought it was great, there are some traps that authors can make when writing about a significant event, "then the classroom blew up and got shot into the sky". What was that? That was nothing, there was no emphasis on anything, I'm glad the descriptions were thorough in this, it's best not to skip over anything unless it's incredibly insignificant, another thing I liked was that you avoided the usage of overly complicated words to sound more profound, it was all very well written, and I'm glad I didn't see "Chase perfunctorily promenaded down the vestibule with no expedition." Books take time, so set yourself a challenge, at least half a page a day, get that book out there! ☆ <---

2014-02-24 06:34:00 Author: Ironface Posts: 432

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Here's Chapter 2. This'll probably be the last chapter I post here if it doesn't generate that much interest. When Chase awoke, everything was muffled. There came to him a faint ticking sound, but his eardrums were so garbled it sounded like the ticks had come from an underwater forest. He felt tubes in both his arms, and bandages around his waist. Hurt. His eyes had a burning sensation, as did his skin, which, upon opening his eyes, was red and flaky. He was lying on hospital bed, covered by a very light linen sheet. Attending him was a nurse, who was reading something and occasionally pausing to look at things in places Chase could not see. He tried to remember the event that brought him to this place. BOOM! That was enough. His body and mind needed only one word to get the full experience, and quickly set out to make his skin and eyes burn more, and his eardrums and back ache more. He groaned. The nurse looked at him, then quickly left the room. Chase could barely hear her footsteps going away, which were too sharp and clicking to bode well with his scrappy eardrums. Amazing, Chase thought, leaves just as I wake up. Way to add insult to...add insult to?to? Chase?s mind drew blanks. The fire his mind remembered was now ashes, but very hot ones at that. Insult to?It didn?t matter anyway. The nurse obviously went to get his parents, who had been left out of the room due to his condition. Of course, they should be right back in now. His parents were obviously waiting right outside the hospital room, weren?t they? Why was it taking them so long for them to get to him? Surely they?d be waiting. Was the nurse not fast enough? Surely the nurse was going as fast as what was reasonable. Either his sense of time must be off, or the room he was in must be very long. He heard faint speaking noises from far off. Insult to?Yes, the room was probably communal, and filled with many patients. Blasts don't just injure one person. Still, if they felt that he could be okay in a room filled with other people, then they would have let his parents see him. To?insult?to? Didn?t matter. Obviously, something was keeping his parents away, and he would find out what that was in due time. He decided to test out his ?long room? theory, though, and tried to turn his head to the left, where the nurse had gone. His neck felt like it was made of rock, and he couldn?t make any complex movements with it, but with some energy he managed to turn his head bluntly to its side. This put his eyes right into the vision of the machine next to him, one that graphed green lines onto a black screen, lines like the one his math teacher would show on the SmartBoard. It was an electrocardiogram, and it was right next to him. Insult to insult? Suddenly, his perception began to swing wildly. Despite his head being still on his pillow, he felt like he was being tossed around in a tornado. It was completely nauseating. ?Chase, could you please tell the class the equation of this line?? It was as if his left ear thought he was falling forwards and his right ear thought he was falling backwards. His eyes were right on the line on the machine, the stationary machine, but his mind was tumbling, tumbling, and he wasn?t getting a good look at the line, but rather thousands of the quickest glances as his eyes passed by it at high speed. It had a speed blur in all directions. Insult to?insult to? ?Chase, we haven?t got all day. Chase?? Why can?t I think, why can?t I think? Chase was about to vomit. He couldn?t make the line still. If anything, it was growing faster. His mind was an absolute mess. His ears pulled at his brain, stretching and tearing at it, looping it around itself and getting it tangled. There was no direction anymore. The line went where it pleased, scribbling and speeding and going psycho, Chase plummeting, unable to think, the line screeching, a balloon with the air let out, Chase a missile with no guide. ?I?ll ask someone else if you don't know.? Insult to injury. Chase felt two large hands grip the side of his head firmly, the turn it back up again. His ears stopped pulling, but his mind was still tangled. In his dizziness, he saw the face of a man he didn?t know, although facial recognition wasn?t easy when he felt like he was tracing circles in the air with his nose. As the tumbling feeling started to subside, however, he became more aware of the other senses. ?Did you see the electrocardiogram it-inner ear was highly damaged by the explosion-why weren?t we at the door why did we go to-his body was completely still and yet the reading was-the turning of his head while the inner ear was injured-we didn?t need food, we didn?t need food, we needed Chase, and we left-I didn?t want to restrain the head didn?t think he?d wake up by now-extremely delicate at this point, Chase might have caused further damage-the poor thing!? Chase and his ears could only make out snippets from the muddle, but he wouldn?t have bothered to try to make sense of it even with the best hearing. Right now, he just wanted to black out, and get rid of the dizziness once and for all. He moaned, and moaned, and at some point it must have worked, because he saw a liquid go into one of the tubes in his arm and black him out again. His next coming to was considerably more peaceful. He opened his eyes, closed them, opened them wider, closed them again, then finally opened them to their normal extent. Surrounding his bed were his parents, the nurse, and what was probably a doctor. He felt some sort of restraint at both sides of his head. ?Hello, son,? said his father. ?Oh Chase, I?m so glad you?re okay,? said he mother. Chase stared at them both, bleary eyed. It looked very much like the happy ending to a movie. The hero lying in bed, having given the greatest effort he could in the climax sometime before, in the utmost comfort, exhausted but happy, with everybody surrounding him, in awe at what he did. The doctor?s face, however, was very concerned, as was the nurse?s, his father?s, his mother?s and probably his own. His mother?s face was particularly scrunched up. ?When we heard about what had happened,? said his mother, ?I could barely function. Dad had to drive us to the hospital. I?and we?and we were waiting?and we waited for a long time so we weren?t there when you?? Dad took over. ?You?ve been here for a few days. We had left to get some food at the hospital cafeteria, when the nurse got to us. Luckily, it wasn?t that far away, so we got to you quickly.? ?Oh Chase...? said his mother, ?oh thank God you?re alive, thank God, thank God?? she looked like she was about to cry. His father lightly patted her back. After about some time, he turned to the doctor. ?Could we perhaps?be alone with Chase for a while?? he asked. ?No,? said the doctor. His mother looked like she?d been hit by a sledgehammer. The doctor continued. ?His condition is quite serious. I can?t be absent if something else we don't expect happens.? Chase?s mother looked at Chase, then blindly turned to the doctor. His father still had a somewhat timid look of concern on his face. I?m hideous, aren?t I, thought Chase, the burn made me hideous. Oh, God. He wanted to speak. ?A. ? mir? ? or?? The words reverberated up his head, and it trembled uncomfortably. ?You want to know how serious the burns are, don't you?? said his father. ?Ah. I?ll go get one.? He left the room briskly, if not quickly. Chase?s mother turned to Chase. ?You really shouldn?t worry.? She said, in a rather loud tone, as she inspected his face, then continued. ?There?s just some redness around your face?and a bit of stuff that looks like blood here and there?but it's not really that noticeable?you shouldn?t worry?honestly it's not even red. More like an orange, but not noticeable at all?really, it's nothing, you?re fine, you shouldn?t worry.? This is unbearable. For the second time Chase?s mother was taken over by somebody, this time the doctor. ?The extent of your burns, young man-? He slightly paused for a moment. ?Young man? wasn?t quite right. Too late, anyway. ?The explosion caused a small first degree burn across the face, which should heal to a very good extent, and there?s some patches where the redness is darker and thicker, but which should become relatively unnoticeable over time.? ?But you?ll always be beautiful, Chase,? said his mother, rather abruptly. The words tumbled out of her throat and lied, rather heavily, on Chase?s linen sheet. There was a pause between the two, then the sound of footsteps. His father had returned with the mirror, a rotatable one made of plastic, like the one at the glasses store Chase bought his pairs at. He sat next to Chase, holding the mirror between his hands below the rim of Chase?s bed. ?Right, he said, ?tell me when you?re ready to see yourself.? Do I really want to see myself? Chase was pale, not in the sense that he looked white-he didn?t-but in the sense that blood was draining out of his face. Already his sluggish imagination had started showing him images of what he could possibly be. Freddy Krueger came to mind, and so did Two-Face, except it was just one face now. Of course, his mother and the doctor said it wasn?t that bad, of course, they didn?t want me to think that I?m now a hideous gargoyle, elephantitis and red paint, no skin but just sheets of membranes now, criss-crossing muscle fibers and tendons like ropes to tie people up, no, they want me to be happy here and when I look in this mirror I?m going to scream. ?Not? ? ?no?. ? ? now? no? ?.? ?Not ready yet, huh?? said his father, and he forced a chuckle. ?But I must tell you, it's really not bad at all.? I can?t take it. His father placed the mirror to his right, and Chase felt tears begin at the edges of his eyes. No! Yes. He tried to suppress them, but they came, and slowly dragged themselves down his scorched face. Soon, they were pouring out like lava from a volcano, thin, hot streams that burnt rather than cooled. His mother had started crying as well.

2014-03-08 21:02:00 Author: Kalawishis Posts: 928

Posts: 1077139    Threads: 69970    Members: 9661    Archive-Date: 2019-01-19

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