Archive: 2 posts

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While we all usually just sit around and **** wit bits, occasionally we can be motivated to write something great on this site. It could be a long, helpful critique, the detailing of an idea, a good argument, a great explanation, a story, or something generally helpful or good. Something you can look back on and be proud of. So what's that thing, lbpcentral? What have you written that you can feel really good about? What's the best stuff you've written? Personally, I have a few things (in order of how much I like them): One is Post #33, Mm Picks starting to go downhill., Page 3 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=68955-Mm-Picks-starting-to-go-downhill/page3 Best post I made in that blasted thread. I'd just gotten verbally beaten down by the maker of Craftworld Aleste and I was pretty tempted to snap back. I kept my cool, however, and looking back on the thread now that probably not only saved it from an early death by a huge insult war between me and him but set up my main argument, prolonging my thread by 10 pages, and giving me plenty of time to lose my cool later. To be honest, it's not that great of a post, but I'm still pretty happy I could make it back then. On a lighter note, another is Post #7, Bomb Survival Reloaded!, Page 1 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=73773-Bomb-Survival-Reloaded!&highlight=Bomb+Survival+Reloaded An attempted "strategy guide" for people addicted to Holguin's excellent level. Astonishing for the length (long even for me), it was originally a disorganized mess until Arbekkio told me how to clean it up. I think it's reasonably good-well, it's true to say the least. I don't think many people play that level anymore so I'm not sure how useful it is now. Speaking of levels, another is Posts #1, 5, and 6, SackDroid - Part 1 (An Adventure Game), Page 1 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=75440-SackDroid-Part-1-(An-Adventure-Game) Multiple posts? Well they're all related to the same thing so I think they count. Anyway, these were my attempts to sell SackDroid - Part 1 to you guys. It failed, but nobody could say I didn't try. I provided a video (self taken) of gameplay, plentiful pictures, and a wall of text to give you all you wanted. I guess I like this because it shows how dedicated I was to SackDroid. I still can't believe I made something so large and expansive. This doesn't transition me in any way to Post #1, Project Simpleton!, Page 1 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=70162-Project-Simpleton! In which I tried to make every single advanced logic gadget out of simple logic gadgets, document then here, then explain how each one works. I probably knew that nobody would be able to follow this before I typed the first word, but I still tried anyway, don't know why. I, for one, think I explained things rather clearly, but clearly I didn't really because in a planetarium version of the thread it confused the heck out of grayspence. I don't know if it was just too long and technical. Again, it's one of those "I tried" threads. This one's a bit unusual. Posts #1 and 5, The Worst Kind of Dystopia, Page 1 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=78443-The-Worst-Kind-of-Dystopia My attempt at writing a scary story. In my opinion, it's the best story I've written, ever. That's not saying much, but for me, not much is. The story is in two parts, the first got praised by two people, the second got crickets, even though I thought the second would get more than the first. Probably this is the strangest story I've ever written as well. I didn't know what the ending would be even when I was starting to write it, and, as a result, it's a rather strange ending, which is only fitting to this rather strange tale. I'm not sure the ending is good or not. Not a story, but not not a story either is Private Messages to Robmandx, Really Uncategorized You can get the first message here: https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=68238-(Discussion)-Detective-Duo It's in the first post, inside the "Script" spoiler are two other spoilers. The bottom is my First Message, but the top you should read as well for context. No link, so I'll put these in Spoiler Tags here: (We see an angry mob of drunken sailors running past buildings in chase of the two detectives. As they run off-screen, we see Paul and Sam emerge from behind a dumpster in an alley.) Paul: I, Paul Lennon, think we have lost them. Sam: That was so close, man. Paul: Well, now that we got that obstacle out of the way, I think we should continue investigating the case. Sam: But if the sailors see us, they’ll try to kill us, man. Paul: Ha! Drunkards are stupid. They probably won’t even remember what they are doing in a few minutes. Anyway, back to the case. We need to interview a few more people. The bar would be a good place to-oh…right. Sam: We should go to another place where people here gather that’s not the bar, man. Paul: Like, where? Sam: Uhh… (Footsteps are heard.) Paul: Oh, crap that didn’t come from me! Some sailor must have spotted us! Hide! (Sam and Paul hide on the other side of the dumpster. From within the alleyway, we see two silhouettes.) *Silhouette 1 (This is actually Duke Curbs, but we shouldn’t let the audience know that. You can adjust the lines as much as you want to fit the character, as long as they give the same meaning.): Have you got the explosives? *Silhouette 2: Yes, sir. I have actually brought you improved explosives from the straight dynamite you used earlier. This is ammonia gelatin dynamite (these are both actual types of dynamite). *Silhouette 1: Whatever. Bombs are bombs. What’s so good about this type? *Silhouette 2: Well, sir, since your last venture, the sailors have started checking their ships much more carefully. It would be much harder to hide the explosives on the ship. Ammonia gelatin dynamite is waterproof, so you can hide it under the ship and nobody would notice. I have the waterproof suits at my house. *Silhouette 1: Perfect. I will put the plan into action very soon. The fishing trawler Happy Clam has been denting my profits, but it won’t for much longer. *Silhouette 2: When will you pay sir? *Silhouette 1: Tomorrow, like always. *Silhouette 2: It’s a pleasure doing business with you, sir. (The two go back into the alley and off-screen.) Paul: Arrgh! If only I, Paul Lennon, could have gotten a better look at them! All I could tell from here is the sound of their voices! Sam: We have to get to the Happy Clam, man. That’s the ship the guy’s bombing next. Paul: We wait until night. Then I, Paul Lennon, will catch them in the act! The girls will love me! Sam: Sure, man (sarcasm). Paul: So…what do we do while we wait? Sam: I don’t know, man…we could…er…um…walk around, I guess. Paul: Very well. (In an echoing and dramatic voice) WE SHALL WALK AROUND! (Thus we launch into a montage of Paul and Sam doing crazy things around town. These scenes are just suggestions. You can take out some or add some. You can add whatever music you like, but it should be funny and upbeat. I would prefer Yakety Sax, but an original composition is good as well.) (Sam and Paul stand near a fountain, each sticking their hand into the fountain until they almost touch the water, then quickly pulling out; Sam and Paul go to a restaurant, take all the napkins, cups, utensils, etc., and build them into a small tower, then quickly knock it down on a waiter; Sam rides a coin-operated ride happily while Paul watches while shaking his head; Sam and Paul go into a bank, Paul yells, “Put your hands up! I, Paul Lennon, have a Twinkie!” and burst out laughing when everybody screams and ducks; Sam and Paul stand at the beach, running at the waves and then running away screaming when the waves come in; Paul and Sam run around pushing over Port-a-Potties and laugh their heads off; Sam and Paul go to a bathroom, turn on all the hand dryers, flush all the toilets, turn on all the taps, and run away laughing; Sam hides in a dumpster with a scary mask on his head, and jumps out and screams at people passing by while Paul laughs his head off; Paul and Sam jump into the scene and do wacky things just as somebody is taking a picture; Paul and Sam make farting noises and yell nonsense when somebody is talking on the phone, etc. These don’t have to be in the order I gave them, and I could still add some as well.) (Afterwards, Paul and Sam walk, exhausted but happy, up to an old factory.) Paul: Oh my god-I mean me, Paul Lennon, that was so much fun…but it’s still not night yet! Sam: What this old building for, man? Paul: Huh. Perhaps it used to be some sort of factory, but it seems to be abandoned now. Sam: Well, man, it looks like- (A sack suddenly comes up to them, wearing a tie.) * (This sack speaks with a local accent, but does not use slang.) The Sack: You two seem to be tourists. Are you willing to learn about the Bernard Explosives factory and its former glory? Sam: We’re not tourists, man. We’re actually undercover detectives- Paul: Shut up! We’d love to learn. *The Sack: Well, it’ll be my pleasure! Step inside. (The Sack opens the entrance to the factory. He steps in, and Paul and Sam cautiously follow. The factory is old and somewhat derelict, and is quite dark. The character’s voices echo in here. ) *The Sack (As this guy talks, he walks Paul and Sam around the main factory area.): You’re probably wondering what an explosives factory is doing in a port town. Well, the bay here used to be quite rocky, and larger ships couldn’t sail here. So my grandfather, Mr. Cameron Bernard, decided to build a factory for the making of explosives to destroy the rocks. He made all kinds of dynamite; straight dynamite, straight gelatin dynamite, ammonia dynamite, etc.; but he specialized in one type: ammonia gelatin dynamite. Do you know what that is? Paul: Why, yes. *The Sack: Well! Most people don’t. I guess you probably realize that he used that type to blow up the rocks underwater. Risky work, though. The poor sacks that had to place the dynamite had to dress in completely waterproof suits to prevent them from getting electrocuted. Anyway, when all the rocks were blown up, my grandfather had no use for the factory anymore and abandoned it. For years it was not taken care of, and as far as I know, there are still explosives stored somewhere. They were too expensive to dispose of. I, Mr. Robert Bernard, am planning to demolish this place quite soon. (Sam and Paul stare nervously at Mr. Bernard.) *Mr. Bernard: Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that the explosion on one of the ships a few days ago was made with our explosives. That’s untrue. We keep the rest of the explosives in a very burglar-proof vault, and only trusted employees know the combination. Besides, they’re probably bad quality now. (Pauses) Well, that’s about all you need to know. Hope you enjoyed the tour! Paul: We did; thank you. It was very…informative. (Paul and Sam walk out of the factory. It is nightfall.) Paul: Okay, so the guy who was dealing the other guy explosives in the alley must have been working at the Bernard Explosives factory. We can look at the employee records and- Sam: Uhh…it’s nightfall, man. Paul: Well, then. TO THE HAPPY CLAM! (Super dramatic way.) (Okay, this script might be a bit too large to fit in one level link, so we may need to shorten it a bit, or add bits of this to the first part.) CAST LIST: Paul Sam *Duke Curbs *Silhouette 2, or Bernard Explosives factory trusted employee *Mr. Bernard and here: (We see Duke Curbs in a waterproof suit, carrying the ammonia gelatin dynamite to the Happy Clam ship. The camera pans behind him, farther down the harbor, to Paul and Sam. Sam trips over a loose plank of wood.) Paul: You idiot! We have to be stealthy. (The constantly sneak behind Duke Curbs, trying to be stealthy as they crouch behind boxes and barrels, etc.; as they follow him. However, Sam keeps stumbling, tripping, banging into things, and generally not being stealthy, much to Paul’s anger. After Sam bangs into a stack of crates and knocks them over, Duke Curbs turns around. Paul and Sam quickly hide behind the crates.) *Duke Curbs: W-who’s t-t-there? (He’s obviously scared, thinking it may be a ghost. Paul and Sam remain silent. Duke starts cautiously moving closer.) Paul (in a sort of low and agitated mutter): Sam, think of something! Yes, I know that’s not your strong suit but…oh, you’re useless. Oh, Paul Lemon, think, think, think…got it! *Duke Curbs: I-I know your o-out there. Sh-show yourself. I-I have a w-water pistol, and- Paul: Whoooo! (Makes ghost noises.) Whooooo! I’ve come to haunt you! *DC (I’m abbreviating.): M-mom…is that you? Paul: (In a mutter) Mom…who does he think he is? *(Goes back to the ghost voice.) Why, yes, it is I, your mommy, back from the grave... *Sam: (In a voice that somehow sounds like a cross between a ghost and a cowboy) And your dad, too. Whooooooo, man…whoooooo… (At this point, you probably are wondering why there are asterisks near Paul and Sam’s voices as well. Well, Paul and Sam are trying to impersonate the local accents to sound more like DC’s mom and dad.) *DC: Both mommy and daddy…back from the grave…I knew the ghost stories were true! *Paul: Oh, son…I, Paul Lemon-err, I mean your mom, am so glad to see you…but what are you doing with that dynamite? *DC: Well, m-mom, I can e-explain-oh, I’m so ashamed! (Burst into tears) I am using it to blow up ships! (DC’s sobbing can be heard in the background as the others do their lines of dialogue. The camera will only be focusing on Paul and Sam or DC.) *Sam: Not cool, man. Whoooooo… *Paul: (In a stern motherly ghost voice) Well! I am disgusted! Why would you ever do such a frightful thing? *DC: (Voice choked with sobs.) The competition was taking away all my money! I had to stay in business somehow! *Paul: Well, I should have known that the devil would grow inside you when you didn’t pay attention in church! Why, I though you could be a good, decent Protestant…but look at you now! *DC: Mom…weren’t we Catholic? Paul (In a low and agitated mutter.) Oh, so the brochure says that 95% of the locals are Protestant, and he just had to be part of the other 5%. Sam (In a low voice.) I thought it said the 95% of the locals were deep-fried Twinkies, man. Paul (same low voice): You ignoramus! That was the menu for the Greasy Spoon! *(Goes back to accented, motherly, ghost voice) Well, if you have committed such heinous acts, then you don’t deserve to have your religion identified right! You’re disgraceful! *DC: I know, mom! I’m a disgrace! I’m sorry mom! I’m sorry dad! *Paul: Well! You’re going to have to redeem yourself! Put down the dynamite and swear to never blow up a ship again! *DC: I swear! *Paul: Promise to admit to your crimes and turn yourself in to the police! Make sure to include any accomplices! *DC: I promise! *Paul: And if you ever see two guys named Sam Johanson and Paul Lemon, make sure to buy them both a bag of chips! *Sam: And deep-fried Twinkies! *DC: I will! Oh, I’m so sorry mom! Will you ever forgive me? *Paul: Yes. Now go, my son, and do what I told you to do. I’m leaving. Whooooo… *Sam: Me too, man. Whoooo… *DC: Thank you so much…wait a minute! Mom, weren’t you the one who told me to blow up the ships in the first place? You said that you hated all the sailors! And dad! Didn’t you say that blowing up the ships was just good capitalism, and that if I didn’t blow them up, then the commies would win? (Awkward silence.) *DC: Are you really my parents? (Rushes to the crates where Sam and Paul are hiding, and looks over.) Hey! You only look a bit like my mom! And you don’t look anything like my dad! Sam: (In a quick whisper to Paul.) That’s probably a good thing, man. *DC: (Pulls out his water pistol.) Wait. I know who you are. You’re those two guys who killed the bartender and some of my friends. (He pauses.) I know what I’m going to do. You’re gonna pay. Oh, you’re gonna pay big time. Sam: Hey, we don’t have any money-(cut off as DC whacks Sam and Paul unconscious with his pistol. Everything goes black.) (We do a scene where Paul opens and closes his eyes, until they are wide open. He gasps.) Paul: Oh, God-I mean Paul Lemon, no. Oh, please, Paul Lemon, no. (CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC! Paul and Sam are on the Happy Clam, only they’re surrounded by the angry sailors from the bar. They’re in some sort of dirty kitchen, with an open cooler filled with ice. There are rum bottles everywhere.) *Random Sailor No 1: Hey, one of the two ******** (if we can’t use that word, just use jerk or some slangy insult) woke up. Paul: Sam! Sam! Wake up! Sam: (groggily, and lying down): I’ll have my deep-fried Twinkies with maple syrup, man. (Suddenly comes to and stands up.) Wha-wa-WHAT? Paul: Duke Curbs knocked us out. He put us on the boat, planted the explosives, and then told all the people at the bar we were here. Oh…I see his plan. Sam- *Random Sailor No 1: Shut up! (He punches Paul in the stomach. Paul doubles over, gasping for air.) You’re lucky we have to wait ‘till everyone gets here, otherwise you’d be dead. Hell, you’d wish you were dead soon after the stuff we’re gonna put you through. (He leaves, presumably to get the others.) Paul: Sam. We’ve just fallen victim to a diabolical plan of Duke Curbs’ doing. Even with my intellect, I wasn’t able to see it coming. Curbs made it look like we trespassed onto the boat to steal the rum in that cooler near us, and then passed out from it. It’s the perfect plan. When the bombs detonate, most of the competition will be killed, since all of the sailors will be here. Yet, the bombs are probably timed long enough so the sailors will have enough time to do whatever they want to us. We’re probably going to look like we caused this explosion, since all the remaining sailors who didn’t come hate us and would gladly testify against us, despite the fact that we came to investigate the explosions. Sam: Oh…oh man, man. (Another Random Sailor steps in) *Random Sailor No. 2: We’ll start with the one on the left. Come out here onto the deck, or I’ll shoot you with this water pistol (brandishes a water pistol). Paul: He probably means his left, which is me. Well, Sam, it’s been fun. If you somehow survive, tell the world how great I was. (Sadly follows the sailor outside onto the deck. Lots of sailors are here, and they’re all angry.) Sam: I will, man. *Random Sailor No. 2: Well, Paul, have you ever been keel-hauled? (Paul gulps.) CAST LIST Random Sailor 1 and 2, can be voiced by the same people who voiced the Random Drunk Sailors in part 1 Duke Curbs The 3 things are the three private messages sent to Robmandx. They were parts a script for a movie we (and others) were working on. The movie's lost, so I don't have to worry about posting this. While it's not exactly good writing, it's the only script I've written, ever, and I think I did a good job since Robmandx liked it, and I liked it too. I think the jokes would have worked, the characters would have been real, the plot would have been good, etc. Sadly, this movie was put on indefinite hold (code for DEAD) and it will never come to be finished. But perhaps the best thing I've ever wrote on this site, the only thing on here that I think did real good, was Posts #2 and 4, Fatal Fantasia (Rebirth x3..or was it 4?), Page 1 https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=77835-Fatal-Fantasia-(Rebirth-x3-or-was-it-4-) Picture this: A sack has spent a huge amount of time and hard work on the plot for his graphic novel. He sunk so much time into this, and all he asks for is feedback. He posts the story in Creative Writing here, and it goes unnoticed, unknown, with nobody giving feedback or appreciating his hard work. Until one day, a knight in shining armor comes along, reads his entire story, considers it, and... tears his story a new one. Looking back I may have been a bit harsh now, but it was maybe necessary. The story was great, but oh man it was flawed. Like, SackDroid - Intro flawed. I, naturally, gave the best critique I could, which could only be a Nostalgia Critic bashing. The poor sack accepts it. Now, with the story decimated, the knight proceeds to give the sack all the advice he can, offering detailed ways to improve. He goes on about setting, characters, plot, theme, higher meaning, etc., all detailing how they could make the story better. The sack takes his advice to heart, and proceeds to rewrite his story, a new one reborn from the old and, although I'm not sure, probably going to be a lot better. The knight sees his work is done and goes off to terrorize some peasants or something. Now, what you just read is an ultra-romanticized version of my critique of Shadowcrazy's story. Pretty much, Shadowcrazy had a plot figured out for his graphic novel, I critiqued it, he asked for advice, and I gave it. I think what really makes me feel good about what I wrote was how thankful he was. To quote him: all sounds good and thanks again for the long posts...I feel rewriting the entire thing may be better for me because right now, the story seems like a giant mess of tangled wires and it seems like starting fresh will do wonders for me instead. I've decided to changing the story in a big way but maybe keeping the main plot in it. I'm fiddling with ideas but I'll be keeping these notes up and reading them once in a while to help me remember what's really important...and hopefully I'll be able to make a story that uses some/most of what's said here. thanks again for the contributions and I really appreciate you for being the only person to take the time to read the entire thing and give me feedback on it...hopefully this helps me turn this story into something more. I think this is probably the only thing I've written that has done real good. For that, it's the best thing I've ever written. Read his story if you want, it needs some attention. Also, give some feedback. Maybe you'll do some real good today as well. Right, now that you've managed to listen to me boast about myself without vomiting, the only fair thing I can do is listen to you boast about yourself without vomiting. So, lbpcentral, what's the best thing(s) you've written here?

2013-05-29 13:16:00 Author: Kalawishis Posts: 928

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I like my post in the 'how old are you' thread. It reminds me how long I've been on the site (Nooostaalgiaaa) <3 13 years, 9 months :star:

2013-05-29 13:28:00 Author: flamingemu Posts: 1872

Posts: 1077139    Threads: 69970    Members: 9661    Archive-Date: 2019-01-19

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