Archive: 7 posts

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Ok, here we go http://www.lbpcentral.com/forums/blog.php?b=123 Tell me what you think =P

2008-12-14 06:16:00 Author: Thee-Flash Posts: 3154

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Some constructive advice: 1. Proofread, proofread, proofread: "ever thing " I presume you mean everything. 2. Grammar. Never start without a capital letter. (3rd line.) 3. Grammar again. Don't forget full stops. (Ok, so here it is fallout 3 i could not wait to get my hands on this baby i LOVED oblivion (whaaaaale) do not read this) 4. 'I''s should be capitalised. (See above.) 5. Longer. Unless you really want only short reviews, a game as big as Fallout 3 could have produced a much longer and more in-depth review. 6. Flow. One moment you are talking about one of the easter eggs, then you are talking about the glitches. There is no lead in, or any real reason for you to mention the easter egg at all, it just likes you went off tangent. 7. Grammar. Again. Reading it through again makes it VERY clear you didn't run it through any word processing software which is invaluable in this day and age. Now, This may have been harsh so far, I don't know, it's hard to phrase things correctly over text alone with no inflection. I'm only trying to help as I saw in another post somewhere that you wanted to go places with this. Honestly, without a lot of work, you won't. I'm not saying you can't. If you want to read on, and I hope that you do, please do so. Let me give you a few more examples: well Well this is the first game i I have ever played when you see yourself getting born. so So as soon as you "pop" out of your mum. Dad has some words with you then you choose if youryou're a boy or a girl. Then he asks you for your name and then you make your character for when you are older. Well i will not tell you ever thing about the beginning because that will spoil it for you. You could have elaborated on this without spoiling it. You've just told us vaugely about character set up. No backstory at all. So when you leave the vault you are looking for your dad who escaped. Now this will take you to the town called megaton Megaton, and this is one of the "major" towns in Fallout 3. this Thistown musthave of tooktaken alot a lot of time to design. Well your search for your dad will take you all over the wasteland to Big, Small, Medium, city's.cities. Additionally, a line like that would have read better as: "Your search for your dad will take you on a long journey through the wasteland, to cities and settlements of all sizes, some still maintaining civilisation, others running rife with paranoia or worse still, violence and slavery." And even that is not covering enough on the cities and towns. Now there isare Wayway more that meets the eye, the main questsquest is accutlyactually the "worst" quest if you ask me. theThe side quests have alota lot of depth let's get some examples in here... and there's also a hell of alot of Easter eggs. There is a alien blaster gun There is also a dead alien next to it with his crashed spaceship. Although there isare some problems with the game, as all of the glitches and in the wasteland they kind of put rocks in random places.What? Seriously, read that sentance again. It doesn't flow right. so So you get stuck in random spots, which can get very annoying. Now about the character No, just no. If you insist on phrasing it like that, it should be: Now, about the character" you can accutly customise him or her very well with either putting clothes on them or with the character creation. Now there is are heaps of perks you can pick needs work here, best example would be pick from, (comma needed) which some some of whichare funny such as bloody mess "bloody mess", where your enemy just explodes in a big bunch of gore XD. If you want to be taken seriously, NEVER XD in a review. Never smiley, LOL unless it is given in sarcasm. Show me one professional review that does. Which is always funny. Now if you loved or even just liked oblivion Oblivion is a game, and should be capitalised correctly as Oblivion. then you will love this game just like i did. Yes it's just like they used the same game engine for the same 2 games but with the a different setting then ---Cut here--- I know, there's a lot to improve on in a short review, but if you want to get to a place where you can write a good review like I saw in one of your posts, it needs work, and I won't sugar coat it for you. I hope you find these pointers useful and hope to see an improvement next time.

2008-12-14 09:38:00 Author: flakmagnet Posts: 1084

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I thank you for taking your time out to help me and yes i appreciate this SO much Now yes i know im not so good at this as of yet but yes i know i need to watch out for this and I'm also not known for my grammer skills either

2008-12-14 10:33:00 Author: Thee-Flash Posts: 3154

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Some constructive advice: 6. Flow. One moment you are talking about one of the Easter eggs, then you are talking about the glitches. There is no lead in, or any real reason for you to mention the Easter egg at all, it just likes you went off tangent. I think this was supposed to be - it's just like you went off tangent. Also I'd like to point out that easter should have a capital E. I know you were just trying to help him. My grammar is atrocious also. I just thought you would see the funny side of this, with your great sense of humour you have

2008-12-14 11:06:00 Author: dorien Posts: 2767

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I think this was supposed to be - it's just like you went off tangent. Also I'd like to point out that easter should have a capital E. I know you were just trying to help him. My grammar is atrocious also. I just thought you would see the funny side of this, with your great sense of humour you have Actually, I believe the correct phrasing would be "It's like you just went off on a tangent". Please refrain from using such poor grammar in future posts.

2008-12-14 19:14:00 Author: UmJammerSully Posts: 1097

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lol o god.............

2008-12-15 01:03:00 Author: Thee-Flash Posts: 3154

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...riiiiight. Now we've stopped picking apart my atrocious grammar and spelling, (honestly, I'm sure there's more in there!) I'm sure we can get back to helping finest. First thing's first, you said in your message to me you don't have a word processor or spellchecker. Get one. There are plenty of free ones on the web. OpenOffice is more than competent and is free, and is fairly similar to Word, so there really are no excuses if you have a PC at home that you can install it on. Second, if you are going to review a game, get in the mind set before you play it. I could not review Halo 3 based on my first 3 playthroughs. I'm too much of a massive Halo geek that I was essentially blind to the flaws in the game and would have over-hyped the rest. Keep a pad and pen with you while playing, pause it every once in a while, write down what you liked, what you didn't like, and most importantly, why. Third, metaphors are like flying lions of truth. Okay, maybe not. But you quite often see some good metaphors in the best reviews. The best review can make you laugh, so work on slipping a few in if you feel like you can get them to work. There is no point shoe-horning them in however, if they are as appalling as the one above. Fourth, +rep is always appreciated! If I think of any more, I'll let you know. Looking forward to your next one.

2008-12-15 10:22:00 Author: flakmagnet Posts: 1084

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