Archive: 59 posts

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Hello sacks, in this thread you post your own jokes! And bonus points if they're funny! To start off, heres one of mine: Q: What do you call a guy with two pairs of pants on his head? A: Iron Man! Get it? Because pants - ironing? And he has -- ah, forget it. It wasnt that funny anyway. Now it's your turn!

2011-04-05 18:23:00 Author: Doooomguy Posts: 68

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I make jokes with my brain... by thinking. I made one! But I'm not telling you. It doesn't meet your hand-crafted criteria.

2011-04-05 18:31:00 Author: KQuinn94Z Posts: 1758

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Hand-made dosent technically mean "Hand-made". It means jokes that you made up by yourself. Your own jokes. Whatever, it was probably a good joke anyway

2011-04-05 18:34:00 Author: Doooomguy Posts: 68

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I make jokes with my brain... by thinking. I made one! But I'm not telling you. It doesn't meet your hand-crafted criteria. This post in itself was a joke, a joke which you also crafted with your brain. Stop going off topic and post hand-made jokes already! I just got this one hot out of the oven, have to wait for it to cool down before I share it though.

2011-04-05 18:34:00 Author: Doopz Posts: 5592

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Have to wait for it to cool down before I share it though. I reccomend blowing on it.

2011-04-05 18:36:00 Author: Doooomguy Posts: 68

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I reccomend blowing on it. Unless you wrote the jokes on cookies (from the oven), then don't bother blowing on them just give them to me And here is a joke. Why did the wally throw away his doughnuts? Because they had holes in....(stupid wally..*grumble*....gonna kill him for throwing those doughnuts away..*grumble*..perfectly good doughnuts... *grumble* I could of had 'em..)

2011-04-05 18:50:00 Author: Unknown User

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How does a Rabbi make his tea? Hebrews it.

2011-04-05 19:21:00 Author: Mr_T-Shirt Posts: 1477

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Why did Nick Clegg cross the road? Because he said he wouldn't. (Not technically my joke, but funny nonetheless)

2011-04-05 19:53:00 Author: standby250 Posts: 1113

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What happened when someone told Charlie Sheen he was losing? He started taking shots of Tiger Blood.

2011-04-05 22:12:00 Author: Snrm Posts: 6419

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What happened when someone told Charlie Sheen he was losing? He started taking shots of Tiger Blood. Why was Charlie Sheen losing? He got the wand. #Morgyblood

2011-04-05 22:36:00 Author: Bremnen Posts: 1800

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Drunk man to ugly woman: "Crap! You're ugly!" Ugly woman to drunk man: "Crap! You're drunk!" Drunk man: "Yes but tomorrow when I wake up it's over!"

2011-04-06 07:53:00 Author: OmegaSlayer Posts: 5112

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alright, i just made one: how does super mario call his backsingers? (yeah, i know he doesnt own a band... just anwser it!) MARIONETTES... (it is a pun between mario and a marionette, wich is kind of a puppe... forget it )

2011-04-06 08:04:00 Author: nosemomkey Posts: 414

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My mum never listens to ABBA. Geddit? No? Oy vey.

2011-04-06 09:01:00 Author: Ayneh Posts: 2454

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I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p. I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

2011-04-06 09:07:00 Author: Kern Posts: 5078

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Something that needs to be addressed: envelopes.

2011-04-06 14:45:00 Author: Jaslow Posts: 775

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Ok ok I got one, why didn't the wally cross the road? 'Coz he could see my rocket launcher aiming at him.DIE WALLLY DIEE!!!!!!

2011-04-06 20:38:00 Author: Unknown User

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Made this when I was lie 7, what does a podiatrist have for breakfast? Corn flakes Disgusting no?

2011-04-09 16:22:00 Author: Boomy Posts: 3701

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What is the punchline to this joke? You. Now that's just embarrassing.

2011-04-09 17:02:00 Author: WoodburyRaider Posts: 1651

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I make jokes with my brain... by thinking. I made one! But I'm not telling you. It doesn't meet your hand-crafted criteria. Hand-made dosent technically mean "Hand-made". It means jokes that you made up by yourself. Your own jokes. Whatever, it was probably a good joke anyway KQuinn94Z: "Guys, I don't think he gets it." Everybody: "LOL, when do you think he'll get it?" CyberSora: "I don't know, but when he does-" *Puts on sunglasses.* CyberSora: "the joke's gonna be on him." YEEEAAAHHH!!!

2011-04-09 21:22:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551

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What is the punchline to this joke? You. Now that's just embarrassing. Hehe I seriously just made that up on the spot.

2011-04-10 00:31:00 Author: WoodburyRaider Posts: 1651

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I made this one a week or so ago- Why was the milk mad at the butter? Because he never CHURNED UP!

2011-04-10 02:57:00 Author: AA_BATTERY Posts: 1117

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Some real christmas cracker worthy jokes in here. I'm ashamed of all of you.

2011-04-10 22:33:00 Author: Ayneh Posts: 2454

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This is one I told years ago after being given a guided tour of somewhere that ended with "So does anyone have any questions?" MY RESPONSE "How do elephants fly?" "In an airplane!"

2011-04-10 23:57:00 Author: unXpectiD Posts: 1132

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I'm afraid that I can't tell you my joke about the extremely tall wall... You'd never get over it!

2011-04-11 00:06:00 Author: Jedi_1993 Posts: 1518

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What do you call it when the Pope is taking a poop? Holy crap. --------------- What did the Muslim say to the sinners? "Allah you are going to Hell."

2011-04-11 01:04:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757

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Once in a city electricity has gone in summer and the husband came from outside and he did not about electricity gone so he told his wife to do the on the light so wife said that electricity has gone then the husband said that do the AC or fan on.

2011-06-01 14:31:00 Author: Unknown User

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Yesterday I was in a lift holding a potato, and then Stephen Merchant walked in. I suddenly ran outside as fast as I could. I have no idea why... What do you call an animal which wears size XXXXXL underwear? A Z-bra. Why did the soccer players head to the park in the middle of a match? The referee called for an off-slide. These are all terrible btw.

2011-06-01 22:20:00 Author: abyssalassassin Posts: 717

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The first sign of madness is little black hairs on the palms of your hand... ...and the second sign of madness is looking for them! But no-one probably looked at their hand anyway. Well done.

2011-06-01 23:31:00 Author: Denim360 Posts: 482

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ipe. (pronounced like eye with a p at the end) Ipe who? Yes you do. You have to say it out loud to get it.

2011-06-01 23:49:00 Author: JspOt Posts: 3607

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One of my all-time favorites: What's the difference between an orange? Wait! No! Here's my favorite: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Cause he didn't have the guts!

2011-06-02 01:52:00 Author: TheCountessZ Posts: 537

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Two questions: So, is this original jokes only or just ones you knnow? Also, how did I not see this thread before?! xD

2011-06-02 02:44:00 Author: Silverleon Posts: 6707

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Roses are red, violets are blue, in Soviet Russia, poem writes you. And to Silver, apparently their supposed to be hand-made, but people are just throwing things around. *Shrugs*

2011-06-02 02:57:00 Author: JamesDNaux Posts: 757

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Here's one I made up when I was younger, but I'm pretty sure it's been made up: What did the gravestone of the man attacked by lions say? R.I.P (Rest in Pieces!) And here's one from a YouTube comment: Roses are red Violets are bue I have amnesia Roses are red

2011-06-02 04:39:00 Author: Testudini Posts: 3262

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Ok, three long ones about insects and things: 1. A man walking through town on a lovely day, when he stopped by the pet shop. He looked at the birds, cats and dogs by the window. "I think I'll buy a nice pet some time soon," said the man, and off he went. Two days later, he came back to the shop and went inside. He asked the woman at the counter "Do you have any wasps on sale?". The woman, puzzled, said "Sorry, we don't sell wasps. Why do you ask?". The man replied with "Well, it's just I saw one in the window yesterday and I really wanted to buy it!" 2. It was a cold frosty december and a grumpy old man was warming himself up by the fire. Just then, the doorbell rang. The man reluctantly got up and opened the door, but no-one was there. Then, a small voice shouted "Down here!". A snail was perched on his doorstep. "What do you want"? Asked the man. "It's just so cold outside, sir. Would you be so kind as to let me in?" The snail asked. The man booted the snail onto the street and said "I'm not sharing my warm house with a slimy beast!" And slammed the door. 5 months later, it was an unseasonably warm July afternoon and the man was sitting by the window getting a suntan, as he didn't want to leave his house. The doorbell rang. He got up to answer it, looked down and saw the snail again. ..."What did you do that for?". 3. Another man went into the pet shop and asked for a pet that can do anything for him. The shop owner said "We have a few cats and dogs that can do tricks, if you like?", but the man said "No, that isn't the same. I want any kind of pet that will loyally do anything for me". The owner, after thinking for a bit, said "Ah, I have just what you're looking for!" And got out a catapillar. The man happily paid, thanked the owner, and went home with his catapillar. "Right," he said, "Can you clean the front room for me?". The catapillar wiggled into the living room, and ten minutes later asked the man to come in. Believe it or not, the whole room was cleaned; the cushions were plumped, the dust was cleaned off the floor, and everything was spick and span. Amazed, the man asked the catapillar to make dinner. The catapillar went into the kitchen, and five minutes later, the man walked in to see a full roast dinner made, complete with gravy, beef, vegetables and roast potatoes. Wondering what else it would do, the man ordered the catapillar to get him a newspaper from the newsagents, and off it went out the front door. Five minutes passed but it didn't show up. 10 minutes passed but it wasn't there. 20 minutes passed and he still didn't turn up. Fustrated, the man opened the front door to see the catapillar still there. "I'm going, I'm going! Cried the catapiller, "I'm just putting my shoes on!". God I am sad.

2011-06-02 12:04:00 Author: Denim360 Posts: 482

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Don't know if this has been posted before but here goes: "There are three kinds of people; One that can count, and the other that can count" .... *Ahem!* Get that? I got that off a comment on another site

2011-06-03 01:32:00 Author: Unknown User

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My friend made this one up, three people named shut up, crap, and manners where riding a bike, and crap fell off. Manners was helping them pick up while shut up was getting a cop to help him (LULFAIL). The cop asked, "whats your name", and he said SHUT UP, the cop said, "wheres your manners?" and shut up said " hes picking up crap on the road! :3"

2011-06-03 02:25:00 Author: Cactii Posts: 426

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My friend made this one up, three people named shut up, crap, and manners where riding a bike, and crap fell off. Manners was helping them pick up while shut up was getting a cop to help him (LULFAIL). The cop asked, "whats your name", and he said SHUT UP, the cop said, "wheres your manners?" and shut up said " hes picking up crap on the road! :3" HAHAHAHA!!! Lol!! Nice one!

2011-06-03 02:40:00 Author: Unknown User

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LOL i have the corniest joke ever.... What kind of water do ghetto people drink? "Aqua-finna"!

2011-06-04 03:49:00 Author: ceejayem13 Posts: 181

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I have a few: Yo mama so fat that when she eats meat an animal goes extinct! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put out a fire with gasoline! Yo mama so old that if you look closely you can see her in the Mona Lisa background!

2011-06-04 20:02:00 Author: GameRoom Posts: 200

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There were two muffins in an oven. One said, "It's hot in here". The other said, "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"

2011-06-04 21:29:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757

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My friend made this one up, three people named shut up, crap, and manners where riding a bike, and crap fell off. Manners was helping them pick up while shut up was getting a cop to help him (LULFAIL). The cop asked, "whats your name", and he said SHUT UP, the cop said, "wheres your manners?" and shut up said " hes picking up crap on the road! :3" That's just a 'crappy' alteration of another joke. Three kids were playing hide and seek, they were named Shutup, Stupid, and Trouble. Trouble was 'it' and Stupid was hiding in a tree, so Shutup hid in a nearby police car. When the policeman came back, he found Shutup in the car and said "Boy, what's your name?" the kid replied "Shutup" the cup said "Boy, are you stupid?" the kid replied "No, Stupid is in a tree" the cop then said "Boy, are you looking for trouble?" to which the boy replied "No, Trouble is looking for me."

2011-06-05 02:54:00 Author: JamesDNaux Posts: 757

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What do you say about a pretty girl running fast? She runs pretty fast. BAHAHAHASLDAIHaoshfklsdhaglkg Why should you turn down the radio around Bugs Bunny? It Bugs Bunny. OLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLLLLOLOLLOL I made those in elementary. They stuck with me because of how sorry they were.

2011-06-05 07:45:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724

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There were two muffins in an oven. One said, "It's hot in here". The other said, "Holy crap! A talking muffin!" Lol you quoted that from Two & a Half Men But nice one!

2011-06-05 20:39:00 Author: Unknown User

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Okay heres a great one-- Why did the chicken leave the farm. Because it was a chicken and having no sense of direction and little brain cells it walked out not even knowing the dangers of the outside world. Ha Ha Cracks me up! Or is that just me? Awwww.

2011-06-05 20:51:00 Author: craigmond Posts: 2426

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LGBT couch = homosectional?

2011-06-05 21:15:00 Author: Deftmute Posts: 730

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...I still dont get it. Everybody: "LOL, when do you think he'll get it?" Wait...when did I laugh at myself? Or...am I not part of everybody anymore!? Kweh!

2011-08-12 17:56:00 Author: Doooomguy Posts: 68

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Wanna hear a joke about the London Bridge? Nevermind, It's too long.

2011-08-13 03:18:00 Author: ALEXhatena Posts: 1110

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...I still dont get it. Wait...when did I laugh at myself? Or...am I not part of everybody anymore!? Kweh! lmao http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/3721/tge.png I just had to screencap that.

2011-08-15 00:40:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551

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...I still dont get it. Wait...when did I laugh at myself? Or...am I not part of everybody anymore!? Kweh! He is implying that he created his joke by thinking, not using his hands. The joke is that he thought of something using his brain, not making it with his hands. Now if you excuse me, I have to go tell some children the tooth fairy isn't real and some teenage lovers that it'll never work out.

2011-08-16 09:48:00 Author: Testudini Posts: 3262

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What do you call a monkey in a minefield ? a baboom.

2011-08-18 22:11:00 Author: Unknown User

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Two oranges in a bar. One turn to the other and says "you're round". (This actually works better if you say it out loud.)

2011-08-19 19:01:00 Author: thecatreturns123 Posts: 84

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-Knock, knock. -Who's there? -To. -To who? -To WHOM Hilarious I know

2011-08-19 20:59:00 Author: ExplosiveCheddar Posts: 978

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There once was a centipide, and a rock on his way. And he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped, and he tripped.

2011-08-28 21:18:00 Author: ALEXhatena Posts: 1110

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Why did the chicken egg cross the road? To get to the sunny side. Bah.

2011-08-28 21:27:00 Author: Vector-Espio-Fan Posts: 119

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What's 2+2? 4!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'm soooo funny XD

2011-08-28 21:28:00 Author: zzmorg82 Posts: 948

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What's 2+2? 4!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'm soooo funny XD Well, it could be 10 or 11 as well.

2011-08-28 21:29:00 Author: Vector-Espio-Fan Posts: 119

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How many is 3 times 4? 12... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA! BWHAAAAAAAAAAAA! BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ROFL! LMAO! LOL! ROFLMAO! OMGWTFBBQ!

2011-08-28 21:34:00 Author: ALEXhatena Posts: 1110

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What does 1+1 equal? Window.

2011-08-28 21:38:00 Author: Vector-Espio-Fan Posts: 119

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How much is 2 + 2? fish.

2011-08-28 23:17:00 Author: ALEXhatena Posts: 1110

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