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The Missing Piece - Part 1

Archive: 54 posts

UPDATE: This level links directly to part 2 once it is finished. I would like it if you could comment on that level in it's own F4F thread (https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=60452-The-Missing-Piece-Part-2-%28A-LittleBigPlanet-series%29), but you don't have to.

Hey there, guys! I just wanted to present to all of you a project that me and two other creators (Xxblindwolf and Robmacd94) have been working on for some time now. This is the beginning of it, and I hope to hear what your opinions of it are. I will also check out any levels I am linked to in this post and give feedback as soon as I can.

Happy creating!
http://lbp.me/v/y4n7x0

http://ib.lbp.me/img/fl/79b64d1bb041ca6c73e15aa5e0540cbd70c736bc.jpg
http://i0.lbp.me/img/fl/df0e391feacd88c2620f4b3a1e3645f4a7e7de48.jpg
http://i1.lbp.me/img/fl/2b1f6d516da18bd43001f391a6504c412bf2dd4e.jpg		2011-03-20 19:17:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Overall it was pretty good, I have a few issues though,

- Firstly, it was way too long. Well, not that but it felt like it dragged on for a long time.
- The slides are the same length regardless of the amount of text, i.e I was stuck staring at a black screen which just had "time" on it for 4 seconds.
- It would be vastly improved by using voices instead of text.
- The script felt like it could be cut down a bit here and there.

But the only real problem is the time things take. Otherwise it's solid, good looking and did keep me interested throughout despite the pacing.		2011-03-20 22:14:00

Author:
JonnysToyRobot
Posts: 324

Overall it was pretty good, I have a few issues though,

- Firstly, it was way too long. Well, not that but it felt like it dragged on for a long time.
- The slides are the same length regardless of the amount of text, i.e I was stuck staring at a black screen which just had "time" on it for 4 seconds.
- It would be vastly improved by using voices instead of text.
- The script felt like it could be cut down a bit here and there.

But the only real problem is the time things take. Otherwise it's solid, good looking and did keep me interested throughout despite the pacing.

Me and Shimsok are starting to edit the level a bit more. We are adding voices to the magic mouths. As far as I'm concerned we will not be cutting down the script. The script length is pretty much the shortest we could make it while still having everything we needed to start off the series. As for the length, I get annoyed when I see a short film with a description saying "Thermo was full I couldn't add more". We subconciously set out to prove these people wrong. We made this long level with about 1/8 of the thermo left.

Cheers~
Robmacd94		2011-03-21 07:30:00

Author:
Unknown User

Great stuff, very well made. I don't recognise the music, you guys made that yourself? Very catchy, works well with it.

You could consider trying to implement an option for slower readers and faster readers but I realise this could be a lot of extra work. It's a shame you can't simply press X once you've finished reading the text on the black screens to move forward manually.

It's great to see so much story go into a series of levels, I look forward to seeing what happens next. What I would suggest changing is at the end you simply say the player is on their own and is male by referring to them as 'he'. I would suggest changing this to 'they' as I'm sure you don't want to upset your female audience and maybe it could cover for those playing in co-op as well. Anyway, great work, thank, for sharing it, I gave it a heart.		2011-03-21 11:04:00

Author:
LieutenantFatman
Posts: 465

Alright, guys, me and the crew have updated this level by a pretty considerable degree. There's been some dialogue changes, there is now voice acting, more original music, and some enhanced scenery. This is still a F4F thread, so I'll reach back to whoever posts here on their own levels.2011-03-22 06:55:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Great stuff, very well made. I don't recognise the music, you guys made that yourself? Very catchy, works well with it.

You could consider trying to implement an option for slower readers and faster readers but I realise this could be a lot of extra work. It's a shame you can't simply press X once you've finished reading the text on the black screens to move forward manually.

It's great to see so much story go into a series of levels, I look forward to seeing what happens next. What I would suggest changing is at the end you simply say the player is on their own and is male by referring to them as 'he'. I would suggest changing this to 'they' as I'm sure you don't want to upset your female audience and maybe it could cover for those playing in co-op as well. Anyway, great work, thank, for sharing it, I gave it a heart.

I do Agree that having an option for slower and fast readers would be nice. I can try talking to shimsok to see if we could make two of the same level with different mouth times. There is not much of a chance although we have set out to please our viewers. As for the multiplayer thing you brought up, I don't know if it's possible because you don't really "enter" a cutscene level. If we can somehow have a system that counted the amount of players that would be nice. Ill do some tests.Thankyou very much for the heart.		2011-03-23 07:18:00

Author:
Unknown User

I don't think we need different mouth speeds now, because we have voice acting that sounds pretty clear-cut.

Oh, and LieutenantFatman's heart is gone for some reason.		2011-03-23 07:57:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Oh yeah *facepalm* I forgot about that haha. anyway yeah. I need to re record some of my mouths though because they cut out randomly...2011-03-23 19:43:00

Author:
Unknown User

I thought it was pretty good.It is a bit too long though. I also feel that it may need some kind of visual upgrade. Other than that, great job.2011-03-23 19:45:00

Author:
Caveman
Posts: 22

Hey Scholarship, i just added your level to my queue, and hopefully i will play it and leave a feedback tonight.
Check out my Formula 1 level when you can.		2011-03-23 19:55:00

Author:
Unknown User

I thought the plot quite interesting. I hope to see more. It seemed to drag on a tiny bit, but It'll be ok if the second lvl brings it all together and allows for a little faster build up. I kept thinking that the trader was going to betray the aztecs and then you'd have something with mantezuma's revenge in there...but that's just one mans opinion of where I thought you were going to take it

F4F Gold Spawn Coalition		2011-03-23 20:58:00

Author:
Unknown User

To the posts requesting reviews of their lvls, I'm gonna play them later today and share my thoughts on them. As for the complaints about the length, I really don't know how we could've made it shorter. Like Robmacd94 said, this was the shortest we could do it to establish the setting and the conflict. But yes, the next lvl is where things will pick up a bit, and it's gonna be gameplay this time. That should be something to look forward to, lol.2011-03-23 21:40:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

To the posts requesting reviews of their lvls, I'm gonna play them later today and share my thoughts on them. As for the complaints about the length, I really don't know how we could've made it shorter. Like Robmacd94 said, this was the shortest we could do it to establish the setting and the conflict. But yes, the next lvl is where things will pick up a bit, and it's gonna be gameplay this time. That should be something to look forward to, lol.

I was in no way complaining about the length...sorry if it came across that way. I was just thinking other things were going to happen than what did...that's what I get for trying to predict things.		2011-03-23 22:29:00

Author:
Unknown User

Oh, I wasn't mad or disappointed by anything. I was just throwing that out there. And there's nothing wrong with trying to predict what's going to happen next, lol. If you're not doing that, then that would mean that we really suck at this. 2011-03-23 22:41:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

I just played your level, and here is what i think:
- Great level design
- Voice acting was good
- Story well written
I couldnt think of anything negative in your level. =)
Check out my Formula 1 level when you can.		2011-03-24 00:26:00

Author:
Unknown User

Feedback

Rated:

Positives:
+Intro to the level was pretty good
+Story was okay, didnt bore me at all kept the player interested
+Good work with the cameras had no problems with that
+Acting was okay, (some areas felt it could of been better)
+Setting of the story was pretty good

Negatives:
-On some of the speeches the voice would fade out a bit (Minor problem).

Overall good job F4F- Uncharted level i'll have link later today doing this on ps3..		2011-03-24 08:06:00

Author:
Sabre_
Posts: 653

Feedback as promised from my F4F Clone level:

- Cool story introduction. Something different for sure. Is this your own story or a legend of some sort?
- Like the fact you've used different voice actors (or different voices) - so many voiced levels have all dialogue sounding similar.
- Some (most were fine) of the voices were a bit 'crackly' for me though. I heard that putting a piece of material (t-shirt or whatever) over the microphone stops breathing/crackly sounds quite well.
- Some magic mouths stayed on too long for me - not a problem really as some younger viewers may take longer to read. Didn't spoil anything

C'est tout.		2011-03-24 10:12:00

Author:
faulky
Posts: 80

Thanks for the feedback of "Cybernetic Adventures Beta" in the review section. That was an impressive cutscene.

VISUALS:
The materials, sackbots, and designs are good. Good acting and cinematic sequences.

SOUND:
The custom musics are well made, and it has excellent voice acting too. Some texts didn't seem to match the voices, but that's not a complaint.

OVERALL:
A good movie with visualizing story and interesting cliffhanger. A yeah vote.		2011-03-25 00:23:00

Author:
JustinArt
Posts: 1314

Is this the same level? I remember reviewing a level made by Scholar. Queued up.

Click the tab in my sig and choose one at your own risk. >		2011-03-25 00:39:00

Author:
Devious_Oatmeal
Posts: 1799

LOL, no, this isn't the same level. Not even almost. If you go back to the review you wrote for my original level after playing this, you'll see that you are the reason me and my crew even bothered putting in the time we did.2011-03-25 01:01:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Great movie i really enjoyed this. Levels this long usually bore me but this kept me interested till the end. Also the voice acting is very good! Cant wait for part 22011-03-25 12:53:00

Author:
hitman_472
Posts: 52

I liked the cinematic. Pretty refreshing. Like some other posts, I do feel it could have been condensed down a bit. But it's not a big deal. There was 1 line of dialogue I missed, because the previous magic mouth was still active. I had to hit 'o' before the next line started playing, but it was too late and was then cut off early. (It was in the first 1/4 of the level, if that helps) Also, a couple of the recordings had some noise/feedback. Never hurts to rerecord damaged takes. No complaints, other than these minor technical issues. The story is interesting, and I'm curious to see where it leads.2011-03-25 15:02:00

Author:
DrunkenFist_Lee
Posts: 172

Nice, i really liked it

The voice acting was clear and understandable, good story and good details (especially the glimmering gold and the flames).
I couldnt find any negative points, so im excited to watch the next part!		2011-03-25 18:47:00

Author:
DragonHunterEx
Posts: 84

I played it.

WOW. It's a lot better than the previous one. There are some things, small and big, but my brother's playing my PS3 right now. lol

I'll post more later, I just didn't want to forget to.		2011-03-25 19:36:00

Author:
Devious_Oatmeal
Posts: 1799

Hey, I got the guy that tore my original level apart to praise this. Nice! And I think I know some of the things you're going to criticize me for; I just didn't have the time to attend to them last night. I'm gonna try to get on them as soon as possible.2011-03-25 22:26:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

I liked the cinematic. Pretty refreshing. Like some other posts, I do feel it could have been condensed down a bit. But it's not a big deal. There was 1 line of dialogue I missed, because the previous magic mouth was still active. I had to hit 'o' before the next line started playing, but it was too late and was then cut off early. (It was in the first 1/4 of the level, if that helps) Also, a couple of the recordings had some noise/feedback. Never hurts to rerecord damaged takes. No complaints, other than these minor technical issues. The story is interesting, and I'm curious to see where it leads.

Ah yes the infamous speech bubble. Yeah we don't know what happened there. On the sequencer they are activated by batteries which don't overlap so I don't know. We tried replacing the mouths but it didn't work. We will try to fix it but there are no promises.		2011-03-26 01:39:00

Author:
Unknown User

That mouth could be set up as a 1-shot, which would explain why it's not closing on it's own. I've had similar bugs making planet x. I'd make sure all your mouths are set to the standard on/off, if triggered by sequencers and batteries.2011-03-26 04:22:00

Author:
DrunkenFist_Lee
Posts: 172

That mouth could be set up as a 1-shot, which would explain why it's not closing on it's own. I've had similar bugs making planet x. I'd make sure all your mouths are set to the standard on/off, if triggered by sequencers and batteries.

Okay as soon as shim is online I'll look into that. Thanks for the advice!		2011-03-26 06:02:00

Author:
Unknown User

Queued! I hope to check it out today (maybe tomorrow). I'll post my feedback once I do.2011-03-26 14:28:00

Author:
Bercilak
Posts: 117

Queued your level! I'll play it as soon as I get the chance and leave some feedback 2011-03-26 17:13:00

Author:
StarrKable
Posts: 196

UPDATE: Pictures have been added. Here they are:

http://ib.lbp.me/img/fl/79b64d1bb041ca6c73e15aa5e0540cbd70c736bc.jpg
http://i0.lbp.me/img/fl/df0e391feacd88c2620f4b3a1e3645f4a7e7de48.jpg
http://i1.lbp.me/img/fl/2b1f6d516da18bd43001f391a6504c412bf2dd4e.jpg		2011-03-27 21:25:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

hey shimshok, watched your level.
I'm not as much of an artistic creator as a technical creator so i wont really comment on the art, acting or story.
I'm more into the playable levels so don't take too much negativity from my comments.
The pacing was too slow for me. It seems to me like you have a much bigger story planned and you took what could have been the first 2 minutes and made it the first 7 or whatever. I don't know if you could shorten the pauses in between dialog or anything, it's just my taste.
I do feel though you might want to strengthen your 'punchline' (for lack of a better word) cause the part inside the temple was when it started to get interesting (for me), but the abduction just didn't seem impactful enough
from a technical standpoint you might want to recheck watching your level with the controller down, i think some of the dialog at the beginning might be messed up if you don't hit O.
I also think you might want to use the subtitles during the narration, as you don't have the highest quality microphones.
Finally, it starts off with immediately with a blank screen and the narrator speaking, I wasn't really prepared for this and missed some of the first few words. I suggest using a visual aid to let the viewer know it's starting, something like the old 50s style single digit clock-swipe countdown or something equivalent.

Oh, and I like you're sparkling gold =D
good work		2011-03-27 23:42:00

Author:
fei0x
Posts: 61

hey shimshok, watched your level.
I'm not as much of an artistic creator as a technical creator so i wont really comment on the art, acting or story.
I'm more into the playable levels so don't take too much negativity from my comments.
The pacing was too slow for me. It seems to me like you have a much bigger story planned and you took what could have been the first 2 minutes and made it the first 7 or whatever. I don't know if you could shorten the pauses in between dialog or anything, it's just my taste.
I do feel though you might want to strengthen your 'punchline' (for lack of a better word) cause the part inside the temple was when it started to get interesting (for me), but the abduction just didn't seem impactful enough
from a technical standpoint you might want to recheck watching your level with the controller down, i think some of the dialog at the beginning might be messed up if you don't hit O.
I also think you might want to use the subtitles during the narration, as you don't have the highest quality microphones.
Finally, it starts off with immediately with a blank screen and the narrator speaking, I wasn't really prepared for this and missed some of the first few words. I suggest using a visual aid to let the viewer know it's starting, something like the old 50s style single digit clock-swipe countdown or something equivalent.

Oh, and I like you're sparkling gold =D
good work

Thankyou very much for the review. I am currently looking into the mucked up dialog at the beginning. As for the length. We do not feel the need to shorten the level because we have planned every piece of dialog to have some significance. Due to our thermometer being filled we cannot add a lot of stuff into the level. If you could add some suggestions on how we could improve the kidnapping we would be highly grateful. And your point about you not being prepared for the start worries me. It is a film level so people should know that something will happen once it loads.

Cheers~
Robmacd94		2011-03-28 07:06:00

Author:
Unknown User

And your point about you not being prepared for the start worries me. It is a film level so people should know that something will happen once it loads.

Even though we are aware of it, it's nice if there was a pause or something at the beginning. Even Newgrounds has a start button. (That's just an example though)		2011-03-28 18:33:00

Author:
Devious_Oatmeal
Posts: 1799

Btw, Cryogen, what were the other flaws you said you noticed? I'm just curious to hear if there are some things we could adjust real quick. Me and rob are going to try to get to what people here have said when we get the chance.2011-03-29 15:43:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

My F4F feedback, as promised...

Overall, a very well done cinematic for what promises to be an intriguing level series. I really liked the music (original?) and I was quite impressed with the camera work, especially your slow pans in the establishing shots at the very beginning. Your art direction was quite good. The use of materials and decorations was nicely thought out. One quibble I have has to do with your gold coins. You might want to make the little LEDs on the king's throne invisible. I like the sparkly effect you've created, but in the closeups, I can see the lights, which is a tad distracting. I also noticed that the coins on the cart the Aztecs bring to the conquistador have little holes in them, which seem to be where you've put in some other lights. I'm not sure why you did this differently from the throne room.

Like some of the other posts here, I also felt that the cinema was a bit long. I understand that you are committed to your script and don't see any room for cuts, but hear me out. In any storytelling, whether in writing, in film, whatever, you can show and you can tell. Showing is always better--and nowhere moreso, and in a literal sense, than in a visual medium. Think of a movie trailer--there is always way more going on visually than aurally.

Don't take any of this the wrong way. Your visuals are strong, and you have some good camera-work going. I think that you could work out a way to use the visuals to do the work that your narrative voice-over and dialogue do in a lot of places. The first three quarters of your movie?like any introductory segment to a story?has three functions: to establish the setting, the characters, and the conflict. In some cases, it seemed to me that you chose to both show and tell when the one would have been enough. Here are a couple of examples of what I'm thinking.


1. When you introduce the king, you don't really need to talk about how he's the king in the voice-over. The setting and his costume signal his role to the audience pretty unequivocally.

2. In the sacrifice sequence, I don't think you need to have much narration, if any. Again, when the woman prays to Quetzalcoatl in front of a big fire and there is a goat near by, it's unnecessary to tell me who she is and why she's doing what she's doing. I can tell she's a priestess or holy person of some sort.

3. During the part where you introduce the player's character, the whole thing is voice-over, with the player's sackperson just standing there in the dark. You talk about how he stands apart from the rest of the people. Show me. Give some sort of scene where he's literally standing apart from the other people, perhaps all surly because they want to do one thing and he knows that something else must be done.


I also felt that the "crime" should have been given much more emphasis, both in intensity and time. This is what the whole thing builds toward, and this is the moment where you have the biggest opportunity to sell the rest of your project, but it feels really hasty.

That little blue guy was pretty cool, and the shot of him levitating into the sky was awesome. I want to see what happens in the temple, though! This is the climax. Why do you cut to the guards outside? You've been building up this idea of a most grievous crime--show me the crime! I gather that the king is murdered, but even that detail is a little vague. Obviously you want to keep some mystery around the incident, and I imagine that the conquistador is involved somehow. That blue dude is pretty mysterious on his own, though. You don't need to have the incident happen offscreen. Mostly, I want to see what the blue guy can do. I want to know why I should be going after him when the gameplay starts, and what I'll be up against. Show me what is at stake.

Once again, don't take any of these ideas the wrong way. I really liked your film. You've obviously put a ton of thought into what you want to accomplish. There's clearly something intriguing brewing here, and I'm interested to see how your story plays out. I just want to see it get that extra punch.

Cheers		2011-03-29 17:55:00

Author:
Bercilak
Posts: 117

Btw, Cryogen, what were the other flaws you said you noticed? I'm just curious to hear if there are some things we could adjust real quick. Me and rob are going to try to get to what people here have said when we get the chance.

Sorry, been busy. lol

But I haven't forgotten. It isn't in my usual style, but it's a WHOLE LOT quicker.

- Some of the opening dialog in the beginning needs to be taken out. This probably could have worked: (Deeper voice though)
"Long ago in Aztec times, where peace and harmony were known throughout, a treacherous story took place." (Maybe show an old looking slate with the story on it and add more to make it longer)
Queue music.

- Some of the tones used in the dialog wasn't fitting and kind of repeated itself. Like "This particular story I'm about to tell you, this one right here..."

- For some reason all your names being put on the bottom in the ground turned my focus down and kind of made me ignore the village. Maybe show all your names on the opening black screen, or incorporate it into the seen more fluently.

- Nice custom music.

- I think it's presents not present.

- I'm a big stickler for titles. Mainly because I like the title looking all fancy and cool. It shows what to expect from the rest of the level. Also, when you show the title, the music playing while the music is playing should match the entire mood of the story, but you'll have to ease into it due to the happy music at the beginning. Of course you could always show the title all cool like and cool music AFTER the trouble starts. Maybe at the end or after they say what happened. It adds more emphasis and that "The s*** just hit the fan" effect. But this is mainly used if the game-play is going to be fast-ish or energetic.

- Lol. I have to agree with Bercilak on the whole needing to say he's the king. They come straight out and say "Your highness." If that's not a give away, you can shoot me.

- Some of their speech patterns doesn't match the era. The king says, "Has it been run through?" He sounds like a business guy. lol, I just had a funny thought, what if they spoke only gibberish and there were subtitles. It's just a funny thought though. lol

- Berc is also right on the lights for the sparkles. They're visible.

- I'm sure it's just me, but the thrown room doesn't look too glamorous. The walls look too empty. Also, the thrown has no stairs?
*crosses arms like a disappointed king* "Why should the king have to jump down!?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

- I never really liked history, but how was wood scarce when they were surrounded by it?

- I think the sacrifice didn't look all that great. You could have gone with the direction from a further angle and made giant flames come up and lights that looked like aurora. Also, they could have spoke gibberish here. Like an ancient language. Maybe even the star-field glass could have worked for the background.

- The dialogue before it shows the king inside the (church?) was way too much. Why was there an eerie sound when it zoomed onto the statue? It seemed unnecessary.

- It looked like the statue of his father was talking when it said, "What are you?"

- When it finally showed the player, there really wasn't much POP! It was like, your hero is... this guy in a boring setting and he'll be shown for 3 seconds. Also, if I'm wearing something that glows, I can see myself.

- It wasn't that the dialog dragged, it was that too much emphasis was used on some words and it kept repeating itself.		2011-03-29 20:51:00

Author:
Devious_Oatmeal
Posts: 1799

@Bercilak

I absolutely love this post, because you pointed out a lot of things that I, nor nobody else, seemed to notice. Hell, not even the people who co-produced this with me seemed to catch what you just discussed (visible leds in gold). And actually, the gold in the trade scene was made in the same way the gold in the throne room was. It's just that I couldn't figure out how to work the randomizer to make it as visually effective.

Also, not sure if you saw it, but the king was levitating with the blue guy. Little important detail there, lol. And for your suggestion of highlighting the main character amongst the crowd of Aztecs, I actually wanted to do something like that. It's just really too bad that you can only do so much within the thermometer, although I have heard of an emitting trick that people use to give them near infinite level space. However, the next level does go into "separating him from the crowd" a bit more.

As for the conquistador, although he was not formally introduced yet, his name is Hernan Cortez. This is just a much nicer spin on him, haha.

But yes, thank you very much for your input. I'm gonna see if I can add to that crime scene later on.

@cryogen

We did do gibberish before. People did not like that, lol. I could probably solve the whole people with glowing costumes things at the end by covering the player with a piece of material and hooking a destroyer up to it.

As for the whole wood being scarce thing, look at where the wood around them is: most of it is around where their buildings are. Cutting down those trees would probably not be the best of ideas. What you saw in the scene with the trader was not actually a full-fledged forest (this was not made clear in the level, so my bad), so that's why they needed more. What you saw there was all there was.

Anyway, thanks for your input, too. 		2011-03-29 21:03:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

I'm not sure why I missed the king flying in the air. The enemy really draws your attention.

The big thing I'd like to see is that your climax gets a nice extra punch. If you're at the top of your thermometer, you might consider chopping the player introduction and pushing it to the next chapter. A sackbot takes up a good bit of termo, and I'd imagine the v-o at that part might give you a bit of room. If you have some ideas about the player's characterization to be revisited next time, it might be best just to leave it. Your intro sets the scene, shows what is at stake. Then you jump into the next level with a tiny scene where we meet the hero and get off to gameplay. Just a thought...		2011-03-29 23:06:00

Author:
Bercilak
Posts: 117

I actually just added to the level so now that you now actually see the bad guy go after the king. Doing this only made the whole thing like 5 seconds longer, however. We'll see what other players think of the addition when they play this.2011-03-30 03:56:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Hey shimsok I just thought of an awesome idea if we can fit it. We could show the blue guy emmiting some sort of blue orb into the room which lights it up (Blue) and then you see him somehow walking in slow-mo at him while charging up some sort of electricity shield around himself. Maybe with an awesome pan shot that pans behind him (almost).

Also We could have some sort of cliche heartbeat black out. When the screen is black after the torches go out. We just hear large thumps (Heart beats) and then the orb appears. Just an Idea.

Oh and btw if you didn't see my message I sent you, I can't go on lbp2 for about a week. I lent it to my friend but Im glad to draw pictures of what I think it should look like.		2011-03-30 19:39:00

Author:
Unknown User

So we have fixed a few things mentioned, such as the magic mouth where you had to press O to view it and covering up that sackperson at the end if he/she glows in the dark. This is just an update.2011-04-12 21:33:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Q'ed up to play later.

-Jnstin		2011-04-13 06:32:00

Author:
Unknown User

Ahhhh very nicely done cinematics and voicing. I can't find anything wrong with it other than the voice quality, but none of that's your fault. I've noticed every recording in lbp2 sounds like a ham radio.

Speaking of hams.. The voice acting is incredibly corny haha. I don't know.. I'm the kind of person that'd prefer the squawks and squabbles of the original voices. It's well done, but more often then not I kept wanting to skip it... and technically it does allow me even with the controller locked. It closes the balloon window, but the bots still pause and look at things awkwardly until the scene moves on.

I look forward to more. It's really building up towards something!		2011-04-15 01:41:00

Author:
Cheezy WEAPON
Posts: 283

By the way, I thought I should inform you guys that part 2 has been in the works for some time now. It's still some got some good time to go through until it is finished, but we hope to have it out either by the end of this month or next month, so stay tuned!

And the reason it's taking us so long is because of creator absences from time to time.

@Cheezy WEAPON
Honestly, I think just about all voice acting in LBP2 is corny to some extent, LOL.		2011-04-15 03:47:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Haha, I'm amused by the idea of mashing circle in an attempt to make a cinematic play out faster. I've heard of people playing talk show podcasts at 2x speed so they can listen to twice as much. I wonder if you could use a DVR to watch television faster? I kind of wish my PS3 would play blu-ray audio when in fast forward so everyone would sound like chipmunks.

I thought this level was great when I checked it out a month or two ago. I think you might've posted in my thread about the "Press Square Fast!" level that was getting a thousand plays an hour...? Anyway, there have been some good improvements (most notably an extended ending and support for hands-off-the-controller), but as has been mentioned numerous times already, the key flaw in this presentation is the slow pace. I believe the most successful design philosophies incorporate a drive to maximize audience engagement. How do you keep an audience engaged? Through their senses. Attempt to overload them, because you can't and you won't. Every one is so perpetually jacked in to A/V these days, it's a wonder to me that the world still becomes quiet enough to sleep at night, at least in my neighborhood.

In my personal pursuit of a winning design philosophy, my drive to engage the audience through level design has been threefold:

1.Engage active brain functions (genuine independent thought, puzzle solving) as frequently as possible.
2.When failing to do so, engage passive brain functions (capture attention) through delights of the senses by any means necessary.
3.When failing to do both, work to minimize stretches between.

Granted, non-playable levels cannot engage active brain functions when they fail to be intensely thought-provoking, whereas playable require at least a minimal level of physical (and thereby mental) engagement. As such, when applied to a video level, design philosophy point #1 is null and void in an apples-and-oranges sort of way. Points 2 and 3, however, remain.

This cinematic loses points where the senses are strung along. People feel their time is most valuable, so if they can ingest a 9'00? story in 4'30?, they'll do it. If the option is absent, then they can only hope that things play out quickly so they can move on with their lives, and slip further into boredom the longer an end remains out of reach. This is particularly important to consider when planning long stretches of long levels linked together longly.

It would require some strenuous rebuilding, however I believe this level would most benefit from key changes to the ?editing,? to use film terminology. Example: Any section where the player listens to a black screen should be done away with, and replaced with panning cameras of ambient scenes. I think that, for example, Peter Jackson can get away with this in a Lord of the Rings movie, but most if not all LBP creators will inevitably fail. Even a great filmmaker like he would employ such a technique sparingly.

Last but certainly not least, my advice to modify your design philosophy will not resonate in the absence of a design philosophy. If you're not currently approaching this project in a professional manner (with goals sought through design driven by applied experience, as professionals developers do), then I would preclude this entire post with another suggestion entirely, wink wink, nudge nudge.

B+ for delivery, A+ for subject matter (cause I'm a sucker for ancient people who build pyramids)		2011-04-16 00:49:00

Author:
discokrakken
Posts: 108

I think my main flaw is in how I, as the scriptwriter, wanted to go about telling this story. I wanted to make it kind of like the classic "wise person tells story to unknowing youngster", but apparently that cannot be effectively realized within LBP2's boundaries.2011-04-16 04:07:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

That's a great idea, and I don't think it's incompatible with LBP2 (or incompatible with faster pacing) by any means. You could, for example, depict exactly that (a scene where a young sack listens to an old sack tell a story) in the places where the screen currently goes black. Stuff like this is all at the mercy of the thermometer however, and I know unique sackbots can take up significant thermo. Suffice to say, I don't think your vision is impossible with all of the things LBP2 can do, however it would be difficult to implement this late in the process if it hasn't been a priority all along. Also, I forgot to mention how much I dig the catch tune that plays for most of this. Good stuff!2011-04-16 16:03:00

Author:
discokrakken
Posts: 108

Ok, so I believe the subtitles glitch has been fixed, so that when the narrator talks, you can see what he is saying at the bottom of the screen. If anybody can confirm this and playthrough the level, that would be great. The other thing about the subtitles is that they give the eye something to look at during the blackout segments.2011-07-21 07:32:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Thanks for having a look at my stage, Scholar,

Alright, i just finished up part one and 2 and...

As far as the cinematic went...as others have noted in the thread, it feels like the pacing is just a touch too slow here. Scenes last a bit longer than the dialogue supporting them, f'rex. Now, i imagine that some of that is worrying about how fast people can read, or how quickly they'll understand what you're saying, but really...that's probably pretty quick. So i think you may be able to shave 30sec to a minute off your dialogue bits...which doesn't sound like much, but really adds up in the end.

Now as for sets. You've got lots of wide lens shots, but really, not a lot of detail in your scenes. This isn't such a problem in a play section, since no one will sit in any one place for all that long, but if you're going to keep people looking at just one spot, you'll need either a bit more going on or a bit more detail in your sets.

As for the second bit...you've got a fairly standard bit of platforming/puzzle solving here. The one thing that might help is...if you're going to have the player be quite so vocal, you may want to force a player controlled bot with magic mouths on its circuit board (they can be triggered from tags on the sequencer, though i imagine you know that already). This will keep the word bubbles coming directly from the character, and allow for mouth-moving ventriloquism (i think...i've never used recorded voices and Sackbot Acting before).

i feel a bit bad, leaving such negative-ish comments after you were so kind with my stage. i do think there's some good potential here, it just needs a bit of polish.

i hope some of this might be useful to you,

Good day and great creating!		2011-07-22 22:41:00

Author:
waffleking23
Posts: 535

Hey, everyone! I just wanted to update you so that you know that the next installment of this series has been uploaded onto the LittleBigPlanet 2 servers. You can find it and queue it up at http://lbp.me/v/3vsze5. There is also a F4F thread at https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=60452-The-Missing-Piece-Part-2-%28A-LittleBigPlanet-series%29. Please leave your feedback for that level there.2011-07-23 11:17:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

bumping so the review will be more noticeable (it's edited into my last post).2011-07-23 14:53:00

Author:
waffleking23
Posts: 535

I have taken more of the critique this level has received to heart and have filled in some of the blackout segments with scenes. More updates will likely come along.2011-07-24 05:08:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105

Ok, so now all the extended blackout screens have been cut out and are filled in with scenery. I'm hoping that this will make the pacing feel a bit more evened out, so please tell me what you all think of it as it is. 2011-07-25 21:31:00

Author:
Scholarship
Posts: 105


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