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Ok, I really don't know what to do, and I need your help, really...

Archive: 19 posts

Alright, this is something that is kinda personal, but I might as well place it here because I don't know what to do, really... Plus they both still come here for some reason. o_0

Anyway, yes, this is an advice topic for me. ANYWAY,

There are two people involved with this. It's kinda weird since they both come here, for whatever reason. Anyway, two different problems.

See, one of them, I gave my DS a few months ago on the promise that he pay me back 60 dollars. He said a few weeks later that it broke (it was already broken on the trip back from Disney World, something in the bag- although he said it "disinigrated").

And then, a few weeks later (two weeks or so ago), I decided that, since it was mine (he never even payed me back those 60 dollars, so it was still technically mine- as was the game I gave him (Pokemon)), I should have it back.

Then, he told me some story about his mom having thrown it out when he showed it to her after the fact, and hadn't told me what happened to MY DS until I demanded that I have it back just to make sure he wasn't cheating on me. So, he didnt tell me for months what he did to it, and it seems quite likely that he was the one who stole four games from me a while back...

So, I really don't know what to do with him. It is made even stranger by the fact that he still comes on here, mostly because it's not blocked at school :/

And then there's the other guy. I've been trying for months - no, probably years to get him to respond to me, and not just keep his head down and ignore me. Lately, I've been going crazy by trying to do that, trying to make him admit that he hated me so I could stop trying to get him to talk to me in any form other then saying "I'm not mean, I'm evil".

And, you remember the thread about what happened to me when I turned emo, where I said I have "meltdowns" due to my Aspergers? Well, this wasn't too bad compared to other incidents, but I couldn't do anything due to finally not being able to comprehend why he just ignores me and not just admit that he hates me so I can move on with my life instead of trying to get him to talk to me in any form.

So, now he's ignoring me, and saying he's a friend of the first person discussed in this topic instead of me when asking people to add him as a friend here, and now is ignoring me or something.

This is made all the harder by the fact that I don't have many friends to begin with, before this started I only counted four people in real life who I could count as friends- now two of them seem to not be, and another one not on here seems to think I hate him because I don't sit with him in the gym, but that's mostly because he sits with the first person on this list despite the fact that this friend constantly told me he hates the first people on this thread whenever he was out of earshot.

Then I have one person who is definitally still a friend, although I don't really treat him to well (read that by giving him nicknames he hates). He realizes though that this is because I can't possibly think of anything else to say, because, well, I'm not "socially engaged", even though I was given that award here... So I know he still likes me, but... I know, I'm pathetic...

So, really, I have no idea what to do. I'm asking you to help me decide, and maybe alert those two or something since they for some reason still come on here, but... I don't know. I just can't figure out what to do...

2008-11-23 18:31:00

Author:
RockSauron

Posts: 10882

2008-11-23 19:24:00

Author:
Unknown User

The guy hasn't given you your DS back, and still hasn't paid you back the $60?
And the other guy doesn't talk to you at all, despite you trying to get along with him?

I'm trying to just clarify everything, I'm having to use my PS3 for the internet and reading long things on here is kinda difficult. To me anyway.

Pretty much. Although he says he can't give me my DS back because his mom threw it out, and he didn't tell me until I figured might as well have it back.

2008-11-23 19:27:00

Author:
RockSauron

Posts: 10882

For one, that dude owes you 60$. Say you buy a game from a store and go to them saying it's broken, their fault right? Ok so they offer to replace it, but you threw out the "broken one". Well you don't get your money back, nor a replacement. Now my advice to you for the furutre, friend or not, never give something to someone without gettin the money right away. It's the kind of thing that preserves friendships, cause there is no danger of the guy not paying you later and causing drama!

On another subject, you'll make and lose friends in life, sometimes you'll have too many to know what to do with xD and sometimes you won't feel like you have anyone you want to call on your cellphone list! You just gotta deal with your present situation best ya can

2008-11-23 19:40:00

Author:
KAPBAM

Posts: 1348

Agreed. If he refuses to give you the money because his mum threw it out, then take it up with her. Don't sit back and do nothing, make sure you get what you're owed.

And if the other guy doesn't want to talk to you, then so be it. His loss.
Try not to think too much of it, some people are just... well pricks really. Nothing you can do it about it.

2008-11-23 19:45:00

Author:
Unknown User

If he can't give you back the DS, then it's $60. (Or if he doesn't have it cold cash, consider accepting an equal-value-for-trade replacement.) Even if the transaction hadn't completed, or he was just borrowing it, "you break it, you buy it" applies.

Just advice, though: Don't blow it out of proportion. Keep it well in perspective, and keep it cool. It's just a DS, it's just $60. Money and stuff is not the most important thing in the world, and it's not that much, at that. So calmly and kindly remind him that he owes you, but keep it at that. Remind him repeatedly if necessary, but still just remind him. In other words, don't be an annoying jerk about it, accusing him of owing the money every time you run into him. (Yeah, that's an exaggeration...but you get the point. Right? Right?) If nothing happens, then yes, I would follow suit with those above and take it to his mom. But the same principles apply.

As for the rest, the only thing you can do is to just be a friend. Not just nominally, but act like it. Go out of your way and prove it, if you need to. Words may profess, but actions verify it. Ultimately, you're not responsible for how people react to you. Just how you treat them. And very unfortunately, sometimes people just don't change when you try to get them do. (I run into this big time.) But just be persistent. Be authoritative. And don't overdo it. And that's your best chance at making a difference.

2008-11-23 20:04:00

Author:
Mark D. Stroyer

Posts: 632

I think we can all agree that the first guy owes you some money. On top of that, he sounds fairly dishonest and - in turn - may not be the best person to befriend in the first place. The second guy seems to side with the seemingly dishonest dude and has shown his true colors by doing so.

My advice is chalk the whole thing up to experience and stop trying to be friendly with either person. They don't sound too loyal to me and it's highly likely you can do better.

On somewhat of a side note, try to hang in there. I've been in your shoes from time to time where you don't feel like you can turn to anyone and that's close to the worst feeling imaginable. However, it won't always be like that. Just hang in there and try to surround yourself with as many positive influences as you can find.

2008-11-23 20:07:00

Author:
supersickie

Posts: 1366

I was in a very similar position a year or two back, feeling like i had no one and being quite 'socially disabled' i guess. You just have to keep plugging at it. You'll develop your social ability's in time, it takes a while.

Onto your friends... I would ignore the first and second. It seems like the first has no friend qualities at all, and the second is just a bad human being (harsh, but true ^_^). I think you should sit with your third friend in gym regardless of the other two, and ignore them as i said. The fourth one sounds like a gem though, hang onto him.

And besides, you have me now

2008-11-23 20:37:00

Author:
FrozenNeon

Posts: 77

Each time I'm in a situation I don't know what to do I just go for the Inverted Flying Scissor Heel Hook. Everyone are stoke and are like : "Ohh don't ******* around with this guy, he's a beast."

http://i21.tinypic.com/28rmv6f.gif

2008-11-23 21:00:00

Author:
Unknown User

there isnt too many things you can do really i mean what are you suppose to do.
but i would suggest next time ask for the money right there at the "transaction"
if you think the ds is still working and he says it is broken i suggest maybe being freinds with him hanging out with him an maybe he might think you forgot about the
Ds problem and he will start playing it again and you can catch him red handed

2008-11-23 22:37:00

Author:
Snrm

Posts: 6419

I know how you feel, I have been in your situation many a time.

For the first friend, just ignore him. Judging by the comments above, and general common sense, I don't think he's your friend. Now I wouldn't go and start nagging at him to get the money back, just leave it. I know its $60 but you've learned a valuable lesson. People who are your so-called-friend are like this all the time. They use you and manipulate you and in effect treat you like garbage.

The second one, I would advise to ignore too. You've tried to be his friend, and he is similar to the first. Just avoid him, and all should be well.

For the third, I have a similar friend. He acts like a 5 year old and throws hissy fits because I won't work with him on a geography project, and while he annoys me like hell, i'd stick with him. People like this usually have little other friends, and to in effect 'crush' them would put them in a similar position to you, and if they start acting all stubborn when you don't sit next to them in the gym, imagine how he'll be when you tell him that you're not his friend. Its sort of a moral choice really, but I'll have to leave that up to you.

Speaking of friends in general, I wouldn't say you're unpopular. I tended to be unpopular at my last 2 schools, yet at my new one I have many friends. There are just certain groups of people you come across sometimes, some are suited to you, some are not.

-

While on the subject of agony-aunting, i'd like to ask all of you about something aswell.

I have a 'friend' (more of an acquaintance really) and he just seems a bit depressed lately. I was depressed a few years back, and it was like I was masking up emotions in front of friends, but with a hint of depression just showing through. I can see the same in him. Now I don't know if i'm being paranoid here or whether he is actually depressed. What should I do?

2008-11-24 17:10:00

Author:
floor3013

Posts: 287

You will be fine...make the guy give you the 60 for your DS and more friends will come along in the future. I am now 28 and I only talk to 4 people who i went to high school with (1 of them being my wife, and another being her sister). You will make more friends when you go to college.

2008-11-24 17:26:00

Author:
mjuice

Posts: 111

Well, let me put this in a way that you should understand, and, I'm guessing, this idea will actually spark a few interests in your heart.

For the first guy, you believe that he stole four games from you, so here's a little piece of cake for his mind:
If you have any other DS games left, give them to him.

Do the exact opposite of what everyone here has encouraged. Show him that you don't need to hit him in his wallet to make him feel some sort of temporary pain, give him a sense of condescension that he'll never be able to overcome.
After giving him your games, he'll obviously be happy in one sense, but once he thinks things over, and he will, he'll come to realize that you did it as an act of spite, and he'll never be able to look at you in the same sense again.
Call me crazy, but it's a full proof psychological attack that will hurt him more than any financial involvement.

As for this second person, it's an even easier schematic. Drop his guts in a harsher way than he did yours. Completely ignore his existence, and stop any form of communication between you and him. Don't even bother looking at him.
The problem with this is that it'll force him to get closer to the first person, but if you carry out what I said exactly as I stated it, he'll feel that sense of weakness that the first will feel towards you, and he won't even realize it. Play with his subconscious, and use people's natural auras of discomfort against them.

To be totally honest, that's the much nicer way of putting what I would do, since I would go for all out condescension which would lead to them hating my guts while remaining unable to pinpoint why.

The problem with all of the proposals here is that close to none of them guarantee getting a "friend" back, which is, what I assume, you hope to achieve.

My way of doing things almost guarantees that they avoid you until forever, but that's because it's my way, and my way is usually, believe it or not, unique.
If you want me to be totally honest with you, I strongly suggest you drop the need for emotional attachments to people, as well as the need to socialize.
It's true that many people naturally have that need, but I can tell you from now that you're not that type of person. Secluding yourself from the general masses to the extent that the masses follow you is nothing short of genius.

Now, chances are, what you read here peaked your interest in different approaches, but I highly doubt you'll want to do things this way because you feel that if there is a chance of winning someone back, then you should take it, which I can't blame you for.

... all this help from one that really couldn't care less...
I think I do these types of things because I find a certain sense of "fun" to them... >_>

2008-11-24 17:44:00

Author:
ScytheOfGrim

Posts: 438

Well, I think the second friend is my friend again, or something... I don't really know about him, he said he just said he was friends with the first guy instead of him because he thought I didn't want to be his friend or something.

Although I must be clear that what I was doing may not be considered friendly by some- essientally, I may have been acting weirder then most, and annoying him like I do you guys- but I am not too sure, really...

And Sycthe, last year the first one hated me for about a week because HE thought I was too "demanding". >_< Strange coming from him...

Anyway, I managed to get him to be my friend again by enjoying the situation. He pretended I was King of Antartica or something, and fired an imaginary nuke at me and said, "There goes that retarded penguin".

Now, the whole situation kinda grew on me, so back then I made him be my friend again by laughing the whole situation off, and making him wonder what was going on due to it not working- or something. Oh, and me also paying back the three dollars I charged for him to borrow a game a year ago because I was stupid.

Anyway, I might consider just giving him my other DS games- it just so happens that Pokemon Diamond, the one I gave to him, was the only one left (I sold the others- remember, the DS was breaking (one of the hinges connecting the two things broke off).

The whole matter isn't about the money really- it's more the fact that he didn't tell me for about a month that my DS was thrown away, and it kinda felt too convinent... but still, it was technically my property, since he never payed the 60 dollars I charged for him,I felt I should have had a RIGHT to know what happened to my DS... but I should probably have demanded it when he said it broke. Anyway, um, yeah.

2008-11-24 20:37:00

Author:
RockSauron

Posts: 10882

I've heard that it's hard work to make friendships last, but it shouldn't be this hard. Cut your losses and find a replacement. I'd recommend someone who isn't as high maintenance...

2008-11-24 20:51:00

Author:
supersickie

Posts: 1366

2008-11-24 21:46:00

Author:
ryryryan

Posts: 3767

Well my opinion, the first guy ignore, the second guy I would just wait it out (though it seems it's stopped now), I have a friend exactly like that, he shuts off every now and then and completely refuses to even acknowledge I'm there for seemingly no reason and even after he finally stops he never explains why.

Also, I really know what you're going through. Honestly what I believe in now is to never expect anything for any human except yourself, humans suck unfortunately. That way when ever anyone does even something small for you, it seems great.

2008-11-25 05:59:00

Author:
Tomo009

Posts: 274

I've heard that it's hard work to make friendships last, but it shouldn't be this hard. Cut your losses and find a replacement. I'd recommend someone who isn't as high maintenance...

You make them sound like vacuum cleaners...

I like it.

Honestly, i don't think that will work at all. Maybe you would react like that, but many people will take advantage of such nice deeds without thought. There's a whole lot of mean people in the world who wouldn't think twice about someone else before themselves.

I guarantee you it'll work.
There are only two scenarios in which it will fail:
1- If he's murdered someone.
2- If he reads that post and realizes your intentions.

The former being a crude generalization of the rarity of finding someone that truly doesn't care, which I doubt this person is.
The latter is also a problem, especially considering that RockSauron says that he frequently visits the site.
Sadly, it won't be as effective considering that all Rock has left is one game, so...

Missed opportunity... ;__;
For the most part. >_>

2008-11-25 13:18:00

Author:
ScytheOfGrim

Posts: 438

Well, seems like I can't be friends with the first person anymore, because apparrently I'm a "**** ********" or something because I don't want to be friends with someone who I've been trying for years to be friendly with me >_>.

2008-11-25 21:24:00

Author:
RockSauron

Posts: 10882

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