Archive: 5 posts

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I don't think I say this enough, but I believe honesty is a wonderful thing. Rarely ever do I get a title that just outright says everything I could possibly need to know about a level before I even brisk the stage with sackboy's delicate figure. Imagine being "Random Race", a title so simple it completely eliminates the possibility of deception, yet so mysterious there's no telling what to expect. How eloquent, yet bold. I must deeply applaud Death Johnson for such a fantastic title as Random Race, because I'm terribly sorry to say there wasn't a single other positive thing I could point out about the level. For the sake of a fair argument, I'm gonna run you through the whole level step by step. Here we go (with a minute/second timer to give you some perspective): 00:00 Immediately you are dropped in the literal corner of a pre-constructed environment. There's an obvious cardboard box in front of you with a radio on it. Right in front of that is a race lazily put right in front of you with no explanation, rhyme or reason. As you step onto the race pad, you can see in front of you a large ramp in the back layer made entirely of dark matter. Oh my, we are in for some MAJOR fun now. Well my options were weighed at two harrowing decisions: up the ramp, not up the ramp. Being the suggestible type, I chose to go up the ramp. Below me, I noticed a trio of flaming boxes with legs sticking out the bottom. For a brief moment I had to make sure this was indeed LittleBigPlanet and that I didn't accidentally fall into the "far too silly" Monty Python skit. After some mild progress up the ramp, I noticed it ended as abruptly as it started, so there is honestly not a single difference between going up the ramp and not going up the ramp. Whoo. After taking a few more steps forward on the lifeless floor, I ran into a stone wall. In the background there was a spiral-shaped set of stairs leading to the top of the stone wall. On the way I saw a randomly assigned button with the words "dissolve" under them. I'm assuming the button probably dissolves a barrier that's coming up, but I don't really have any way of knowing since A) the button was nearly unavoidable given its position and B)there's not a single confirming notice that pushing the button even did anything, so there really is no way to tell if it did anything. 00:30 (Yeah, I'm only ****ing 30 seconds in) Alright, so after scaling the overly large stone wall, I encounter 3 more unnecessary enemies that are all put on different layers and completely pointless (they can't kill you, they don't even really stop you). After those three is a fourth enemy that flails it's arms around but doesn't move. Even more sad, walking up closer to it triggers a CUTSCENE CAMERA for the enemy to say "What a sick joke, I can't even move". Unbeliveable. Not only does this guy go through the trouble of creating an enemy that provides nothing, but outright admits that there is nothing to it's existence other than "a sick joke". Even worse, it throws you in an unavoidable dialogue box that FREEZES THE GAMEPLAY SO YOU CAN OBSERVE THE POINTLESS TARGET. Normally not upsetting enough, but this time it's in the middle OF THE GO******** RACE! 00:36 The next obstacle sent in your path is a giant zig-zagging dark matter stairwell. You will be climbing this thing to a giant dark matter platform in the sky. You will then see a huge glued mass of score bubbles. Presumably, you will then collect these score bubbles while contemplating why the stage arrows would send you here first when going the opposite direction was clearly the right option. You will then grab a piece of dissolve block and proceed to have no idea what it does because no indication is given for its purpose. You will then climb ANOTHER dark matter stairwell to ANOTHER dark matter platform with a button the SUPPOSEDLY allows you to continue onward onto a blank path with a GIANT WALL OF DARK MATTER IN THE BACKGROUND. 00:58 For the record, I think I'm probably going to lose my mind in about 30 seconds, so enjoy. Now then, there's three enemies ahead, two of which you've run into before and have proven pose almost no actual threat to you, and one more you haven't met before that also poses no actual threat to you while also looking like an abominable mess. If you should manage to pass these three hellions (god help you if you didn't) then you are treated to another annoyingly pointless stairwell climb on dark matter where the steps aren't even and the look is atrocious. At the top awaits a perfect downhill slope, a skateboard with a grabbable sponge attached, and an unnecessary camera shot going down the lamest ramp in LBP history (as far as I know). 01:15 Now there's a randomly placed jetpack in front of two zebras (yeah) and grabbing it causes two rockets and 4 plasma shots to spawn out of litteraly thin air and kill you. There's no way to avoid them reasonably, nor is there any point. You don't need the jetpack for ANYTHING AT ALL. IT SERVES NO PURPOSE! 01:28 WAAAAAAAARRGGGGGABBIBLEDAMMURUNG 01:30 It's time for a shooting section that adds nothing to the overall experience of this level. Sound cool? Yeah I didn't think so. Best thing too: you don't actually need to shoot anything down. After a little while of this, you'll run into another stone wall that you need to climb over by going through a copy-paste MGS section. Using your paint gun, shoot platforms so they will drop down for you. I love copy pasta, it's so rich in flavor. 01:58 Alright, there's three gun rising and falling gun turrets in front of you, one for each layer. They appear to be firing pretty rapidly so you will have to deal with them to make it to the finish line right? Wrong, just pick one layer and run under the gun when it hits it's peak. I don't even think it has enough downward force to kill you on the way down to be honest. After passing the finish line you can go back and kill the turrets if you want for extra points. I did so and found that not a single turret was even glued to the floooooOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD I HATE THIS LEVEL SO MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-so anyway you find the end of the level and that's everything. Final Score: 0.5 / 10 I've never had to give a score this low before, but I do feel it's justified. There's absolutely no work put into this piece of garbage, not in the slightest. I'm not telling DeathJohnson that he can't make a good level, but if he hoenstly thinks this is satisfactory work he might need to reevaluate his standards by a lot. On a side note, working with a laptop and an LBP screen right behind it is really handy for this moment by moment kind of analysis. Reviewers take note.

2010-12-17 05:55:00 Author: Shining Aquas Posts: 353

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Sounds unpleasant.

2010-12-20 09:07:00 Author: DarkDedede Posts: 672

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Thank you for the review! However, if you are to have to review such a bad level again, I'd tell you to just skip it. Sure, writing all this might've been kind of fun, but I could have done with you simply telling me "Garbage, don't try it" Keep those up!

2010-12-20 09:49:00 Author: Keldur Posts: 628

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My regular experience in telling someone that "this ___ sucks" is usually replied immediately with "why?" I've always felt a need to express my opinions as fully as needed.

2010-12-21 08:24:00 Author: Shining Aquas Posts: 353

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Still i would agree with the skipping it.

2010-12-21 08:52:00 Author: koltonaugust Posts: 1382

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