Archive: 3 posts

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First I do not know what is apropriate for this forum but if anyone compains about this then I will take it down. This took half an hour to write so enjoy. On the pain of Death Death walked through the street a raven circling his head. Over the damp gray cobbles over puddles and disgusting mess Death walked. With his scythe in his bony hand tapping on the cobbles beneath him Death stepped in a puddle, water flowed through his fleshless foot. Death walked scythe tapping and water dripping from his foot splashing onto the cobbled street below him. Nothing could stop Death, he could walk forever, he did not care about the water dripping from his foot nor did he care about those dying around him. Never would such trivial matters stop him. Never would he care and never would he even notice such things and so he walked. Dripping and tapping, Death walked drip, tap, drip, tap, drip, tap, drip. Death stopped. There was something there something that Death had noticed through the corner of his eye socket. Death turned his white skull and looked behind him. There was a girl screaming, crying and dying. Death’s skeletal body turned he began to walk back towards the girl the starving, miserable, dying girl dressed in rags. Death walked scythe tapping foot dripping his eye sockets were focused on the girl. Death turned to face her he looked down on her a droplet of water began to form in his empty skull. Death looked at her the puddle around her the cobbles beneath her the rags on her. Death stooped and crouched putting down his scythe the raven landed on his shoulder he was now eye to eye socket with the girl. Death looked at the tears flowing down the girl’s face he looked at her empty swollen stomach and the pain that she was in. The droplet in Death’s skull fell from the top of his skull down, down, down through his empty eye socket and onto his bone white face. Another drop fell onto Death’s white skull this time not from his skull but from the sky the grim grey clouds above him had released a drop of rain. Then followed countless others, an infinite number of cold raindrops fell on Death on the cobbles he crouched on and on the girl the pool of water and tears that surrounded her were mixed with countless drops of water. Death raised his hand to the girl’s tear covered face and ran his bony fingers through her wet hair. She stopped crying and smiled for a moment then, collapsed dead, the look of pain returned to her pale lifeless face. Death stood up enraged water flowing through his bony skull. He raised his head towards the sky his once empty eye sockets were now filled with bright red flames crackling, hissing, burning, Death was filled with rage. Death cursed he cursed the sky, the sun, the moon, the rain, the job he had been forced to do since the dawn of time and he cursed whatever power had created him. Smoke and fire filled every crevasse in his skeletal physique the smoke poured down his bones onto the cobbles below. A pillar of smoke began to form around Death still enraged still cursing still burning. The smoke surrounded him, it covered the cobbled street, it covered the puddle Death had stepped in and it covered his scythe. Death was soon covered by the smoke. Suddenly the cursing stopped the pillar of smoke tumbled to the ground and Death his scythe and the raven had vanished. Leaving body of the girl dead on the cobbled street her face covered with tears and rain her hair to the side of her face as death had left it, leaving the pained expression upon her pale face and her dead eyes staring at the sky that still spat the rain onto her dead body.

2010-10-18 16:40:00 Author: unXpectiD Posts: 1132

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Suggestion: As a lot of users have relatively short attention spans (No offence anyone!) I'd recommend putting line spaces between paragraphs. I know it isn't a very story book type way, but it's a blog / forum thing!! Like so: Death walked through the street a raven circling his head. Over the damp gray cobbles over puddles and disgusting mess Death walked. With his scythe in his bony hand tapping on the cobbles beneath him Death stepped in a puddle, water flowed through his fleshless foot. Death walked scythe tapping and water dripping from his foot splashing onto the cobbled street below him. Nothing could stop Death, he could walk forever, he did not care about the water dripping from his foot nor did he care about those dying around him. Never would such trivial matters stop him. Never would he care and never would he even notice such things and so he walked. Dripping and tapping, Death walked drip, tap, drip, tap, drip, tap, drip. Death stopped. There was something there something that Death had noticed through the corner of his eye socket. Death turned his white skull and looked behind him. There was a girl screaming, crying and dying. Death?s skeletal body turned he began to walk back towards the girl the starving, miserable, dying girl dressed in rags. Death walked scythe tapping foot dripping his eye sockets were focused on the girl. Death turned to face her he looked down on her a droplet of water began to form in his empty skull. Death looked at her the puddle around her the cobbles beneath her the rags on her. Death stooped and crouched putting down his scythe the raven landed on his shoulder he was now eye to eye socket with the girl. Death looked at the tears flowing down the girl?s face he looked at her empty swollen stomach and the pain that she was in. The droplet in Death?s skull fell from the top of his skull down, down, down through his empty eye socket and onto his bone white face. Another drop fell onto Death?s white skull this time not from his skull but from the sky the grim grey clouds above him had released a drop of rain. Then followed countless others, an infinite number of cold raindrops fell on Death on the cobbles he crouched on and on the girl the pool of water and tears that surrounded her were mixed with countless drops of water. Death raised his hand to the girl?s tear covered face and ran his bony fingers through her wet hair. She stopped crying and smiled for a moment then, collapsed dead, the look of pain returned to her pale lifeless face. Death stood up enraged water flowing through his bony skull. He raised his head towards the sky his once empty eye sockets were now filled with bright red flames crackling, hissing, burning, Death was filled with rage. Death cursed he cursed the sky, the sun, the moon, the rain, the job he had been forced to do since the dawn of time and he cursed whatever power had created him. Smoke and fire filled every crevasse in his skeletal physique the smoke poured down his bones onto the cobbles below. A pillar of smoke began to form around Death still enraged still cursing still burning. The smoke surrounded him, it covered the cobbled street, it covered the puddle Death had stepped in and it covered his scythe. Death was soon covered by the smoke. Suddenly the cursing stopped the pillar of smoke tumbled to the ground and Death his scythe and the raven had vanished. Leaving body of the girl dead on the cobbled street her face covered with tears and rain her hair to the side of her face as death had left it, leaving the pained expression upon her pale face and her dead eyes staring at the sky that still spat the rain onto her dead body. You see? I love your writing though! They give such a vivid image!! Keep writing

2010-10-18 17:46:00 Author: Weretigr Posts: 2105

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ok i will remember that. thanks. ps im glad you didnt think it to be too dark.

2010-10-18 18:48:00 Author: unXpectiD Posts: 1132

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