Archive: 23 posts

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In all honesty here, who else struggles with one of these two? I can't explain what set it off, maybe it was watching Donnie Darko last year, but for the last 2 years I've been chronically depressed and struggling to come to terms with my own insignificance. A lot of people in my school know me as the class clown, or, more honestly put, the class *******, but I just try to entertain myself. It's like a different type of narcissism where you get your satisfaction from making fun of narcissists. Recently, I've begun the terrible habit of self-medication, seeking comfort in alcohol, which might explain the honesty, and possible incoherence, of this post. The worst thing is that, even though I think I can think beyond myself I can't. I'd like to think that I'm not posting this as a cry for attention, but I might be. I don't know. Please tell me I'm not alone. Can we all be honest here? This is the deepest and most honest I could possibly get, I'd appreciate it if someone else could return the favor. Honestly, I feel kind of selfish for feeling this way, too. Nothing emotionally scarring has happened to me, as far as I remember. I'm pretty honest with myself, I don't think I've deluded myself. Yet, I can't shake this depression. I have a perfectly fine life and I've spent the last couple years crying to myself.

2010-06-18 09:41:00 Author: qrtda235566 Posts: 3664

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Reading through your post I feel for you. Depression is a common thing and many deal with it in different ways. People do turn to alcohol to help them cover up their problems but this is not the best option as you will feel twice as worse after. You need a friend to comfort you in real life, I know we can here but reading text sometimes isn't enough. You need someone to take your mind off of your bad feelings, someone to go out with and have fun! You seem alone and that doesn't help if your feeling down. Taking medication can give you a happy boost but wouldn't it be much better if you was to need nothing to help you feel yourself. I hope you get over this and crying is good for you but not if its taking over your life. Sorry if I haven't given you any good advice I just thought id reply to let you know people are hear for you. You are not alone x I have a lot of problems in life myself but i tend to cover it up. I might seem happy all the time but i feel its best to put a front on. I fight through it day by day when i do have my problems hoping things will get better....no one knows what i go through at times. I have a good life but theres problems at times.

2010-06-18 09:56:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969

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Reading through your post I feel for you. Depression is a common thing and many deal with it in different ways. People do turn to alcohol to help them cover up their problems but this is not the best option as you will feel twice as worse after. You need a friend to comfort you in real life, I know we can here but reading text sometimes isn't enough. You need someone to take your mind off of your bad feelings, someone to go out with and have fun! You seem alone and that doesn't help if your feeling down. Taking medication can give you a happy boost but wouldn't it be much better if you was to need nothing to help you feel yourself. I hope you get over this and crying is good for you but not if its taking over your life. Sorry if I haven't given you any good advice I just thought id reply to let you know people are hear for you. You are not alone x I have a lot of problems in life myself but i tend to cover it up. I might seem happy all the time but i feel its best to put a front on. I fight through it day by day when i do have my problems hoping things will get better....no one knows what i go through at times. I have a good life but theres problems at times. Maybe I have an OCD- like depression. I enjoy watching The OCD Project on VH1, and those people with OCD do all these rituals to find out something isn't dangerous, but OCD introduces all these "what-ifs". That's kind of like these past two years for me. I always find a reason to hate living, though I'd never kill myself because of my own selfish, instinctual fears. I have tried talking to two friends before. One of my friends is just like me, he's depressed and self-conscious, but we never really hang out or talk about it face-to-face. My other friend, who I'd consider my best friend in this world, well I tried talking to him about it but he didn't understand. He tried getting into an argument with me over it, which made me feel really lonely. He's still my best friend, but I don't think I'm going to try to bring it up with any more real life people any time soon. Everyone has their own thoughts on their existence and the world, I just wonder if everyone is so fragile. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about you putting up a front to hide your true feelings, but I'm even more sorry to hear that yours come from actual problems. Mine don't. I just don't see the point in living, is all, and I'm afraid to admit it because I know how cliche it sounds. The people I'm afraid to tell the most are my parents, I don't want them to think I just want their attention, I've pulled attention-whore stunts like that when I was younger.

2010-06-18 10:21:00 Author: qrtda235566 Posts: 3664

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I understand what you mean, people will go against what your saying and will try to make you get other it in the wrong way. Arguing is a bad idea but some people just done understand. I know someone with OCD and they take medication and apparently certain foods can help as well. Why don't you set yourself a target and go for it. Like go to the gym or climb a mountain lol sounds silly but you never know it might keep your mind off of things. I feel really sorry for you and I feel useless. Please try and cheer up and become a happy go lucky person in life! You only get one life and it will be horrible to waste it by feeling down Can I ask you a personal question, how old are you? (You don't have to answer)

2010-06-18 10:32:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969

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Dangerous thinking can occur when in times of deep boredom or loneliness. I think the meaning of our life is to not think about it. As some say, smart people are always depressed. Why not go places with friends, be yourself, do stupid things, laugh, live, drink cherry fizz-whiz, steal fruit from people's from yards. It could take your mind off this and make you feel happier, even if it means for you to not think as much. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good about yourself, which some people consider narcism, when it goes overboard. Just think any thought you want to think and feel any feeling you want to feel, be it bad or good, because either way all us humans are doomed into succumbing to our guttural and carnal desires. Why deny it if it causes no harm? I'd try to not let it go anywhere past your mind though; if I get angry and want to do something bad, I do it in my head instead of in real life, lol. And then I drink pasta. mmm. I think I'm on the wrong page. 'Scuse me if I am. EDIT: Regarding the drinking, I wouldn't do it, because it only enhances your emotions. If you feel like crap, you'll feel like ****. If you're happy, you'll be in heaven. But don't believe me that much; I don't drink.

2010-06-18 10:34:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724

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I'm in the same situation, but it started about 6 years ago, when I was 18; I didn't find any way to comfort myself and I'm too coward to kill myself, and eventually gave up on our uselessness - Like you, there wasn't anything that caused it, simply I suddenly realized it; it must be the toll to pay for our intelligence/being smart. The depression gradually went away by going out with my friends, I can't say anything about your choice of drinking. To answer your last question, someone said "Everybody feels the same, just not at the same time"

2010-06-18 10:36:00 Author: Shadowheaven Posts: 378

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In all honesty here, who else struggles with one of these two? I can't explain what set it off, maybe it was watching Donnie Darko last year, but for the last 2 years I've been chronically depressed and struggling to come to terms with my own insignificance. A lot of people in my school know me as the class clown, or, more honestly put, the class *******, but I just try to entertain myself. It's like a different type of narcissism where you get your satisfaction from making fun of narcissists. Recently, I've begun the terrible habit of self-medication, seeking comfort in alcohol, which might explain the honesty, and possible incoherence, of this post. The worst thing is that, even though I think I can think beyond myself I can't. I'd like to think that I'm not posting this as a cry for attention, but I might be. I don't know. Please tell me I'm not alone. Can we all be honest here? This is the deepest and most honest I could possibly get, I'd appreciate it if someone else could return the favor. Honestly, I feel kind of selfish for feeling this way, too. Nothing emotionally scarring has happened to me, as far as I remember. I'm pretty honest with myself, I don't think I've deluded myself. Yet, I can't shake this depression. I have a perfectly fine life and I've spent the last couple years crying to myself. You aren't. Now i'm neither the nicest nor am i necessarily the person you want a reply from, as i really don't know what to say to help. I know exactly what you mean, and i've been (am?) the same myself on many occasions... You'll find a way of dealing with it until you get over it though. I listen to music almost non-stop, especially when i feel like you describe. It takes your mind of things, therefore you don't feel all depressed... I really don't know what i'm saying anymore, unless you want me to start rambling about nothing? But yeah, you aren't alone, plenty of people feel it, and plenty deal with it as you have, ie by drinking.

2010-06-18 15:42:00 Author: Unknown User

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I suffer from terrible depression and a horrible feeling of worthlessness. No matter how much I succeed, I can only see my failures. And when others succeed, instead of feeling happy for them, I tend to say "what am I doing wrong that they're doing right? I'm terrible, I'm a horrible person and should die" .... These are thoughts I struggle with every single day. I also have absolutely horrible Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, so if I can't do something perfect, I immediately beat myself up for it. But humans aren't perfect, so ... you see where the problem comes in. Anyway, I feel for you and I want you to know that you're not alone. The way I dealt with it was I learned something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's pretty much making two columns with rational and irrational thoughts. It helps you kinda weed out thoughts that are making you depressed for irrational reasons. I feel worthless every day of my life, but the whole "trying to think rationally" thing helps sometimes.

2010-06-18 18:07:00 Author: xkappax Posts: 2569

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I suffer with depression. I feel an overwhelming sense of gloom, anxiety and worthlessness every day. I avoid people, have little to say in conversation and rarely go out. My appetite is gone and I have to "medicate" to sleep or else I get vivid nightmares. I've had an easy life for the most part, so maybe it's what I smoke, my addiction to video games or just something in my blood. I'm also a psychiatric nurse who has support others to overcome depression. Go figure.

2010-06-18 18:51:00 Author: Ungreth Posts: 2130

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depression is really common at this age.. its when we start emotionally and mentally changing.... soo if you are depress the best thing to do.. is talk with your parents.. or your friends.. hang out and have fun and be positive all the time... thinking always that tomorrow will be a better day and alcohol.... well not a good idea.. alcohol it's just a anty-depressive but.... it just make you feel "good" when you drink it.. but it will just.. @#$% you up... and then depression comes back.. so yah.. oh and you are not alone. just try to put all the positive thoughts in your mind.. in front of all the negative thoughts

2010-06-18 22:27:00 Author: Joey Posts: 758

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I don't know a single person who's not somewhat depressed. Maybe it is coz we live in so called "modern times"? Everythings getting faster, leaving us restless If we want to keep up, we got to run. I look at myself and see that i've become exactly what i never wanted to be. The only thing i live for, is my job. I love it, no doubt. But i often use it as an excuse for missing important things. "Oh sorry, i can't come to your Birthday Party. I have to finish this Recipe before the next week starts." I'm hiding behind my work, 'coz it is the only thing i'm REALLY good at. I know that's wrong, but it's the way i feel. Oh, i don't drink and i haven't even touched a single cig in my life. I keep saying to myself i've got to work harder 'n harder or else i'm falling behind. I know i'm not the only one havin thoughts like those. To be honest i think i'm screwed in so many ways, it'll be enough for the next two lifes. Don't believe me? Just read that weird Posting i just made *smiles wryly*

2010-06-18 23:25:00 Author: DeKay1980 Posts: 183

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People from all walks of life feel the way you do. Seems especially prevalent in creative people. I try everyday to look at myself in the same way that the people who love me see me. Our own minds get in our way of seeing what really matters.

2010-06-19 00:18:00 Author: TheCountessZ Posts: 537

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True word CountessZ. "I've had recurrent nightmares, that i was loved for who i am, but missed the opportunity to be a better man" I think everyone of us feels this way sometimes.

2010-06-19 01:17:00 Author: DeKay1980 Posts: 183

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if you're feeling depressed for no real reason, find a new hobby.

2010-06-19 14:46:00 Author: monstahr Posts: 1361

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if you're feeling depressed for no real reason, find a new hobby. I've recently taken up Animal Crossing. That game ****ing rocks. Also, thanks to everyone who posted in here. Not trying to sound selfish here, but hearing that you guys have gone through the same things before relaxes me.

2010-06-19 15:01:00 Author: qrtda235566 Posts: 3664

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Oh, no, it's not selfish at all. It's good to know that people can empathize with you in a situation like this. ^__^

2010-06-19 15:35:00 Author: xkappax Posts: 2569

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I've recently taken up Animal Crossing. That game ****ing rocks. Also, thanks to everyone who posted in here. Not trying to sound selfish here, but hearing that you guys have gone through the same things before relaxes me. no joke, that is actually what i did to cure a deep funk last summer

2010-06-19 15:50:00 Author: monstahr Posts: 1361

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Hmm, alcohol? Biological father = alcoholic, where did that get him? Hated by all his children, off somewhere alone drinking to himself.. not an answer. He apparently told my sister in a bizarre phone call which he occasionally makes these at random times, that he would "look after us" in his will after he dies. Now I couldn't care less, I don't know the man like my brothers and sisters do, but my brother was quite serious in his request that the man would hurry up and die. I think that is a pretty low place to be if there ever was any. You can live a pointless life pointlessly like that, or take matters into your own hands and enjoy the short time we have here. Thinking back sure it has been years but it feels like not so long, life really does fly by unnoticed. He was an alcoholic back then, still is now, very little has changed for him and he was always a bitter man. Drowning his "sorrows" which are self inflicted if you ask me. The problem is in ourselves. I know it sounds silly but literally thinking to yourself, I want to be in a good mood and making it happen is the quickest way to cheering up. Positivity may scream cheesy but it works. There is a lot to be seen out there, countless laughs to be had. For me those are worth more than anything because I get the chance to experience them as the freak accident I am. Life is chance, take it and do something good with it. Suicide, one of my brothers killed them self about 10 years ago. I was about 11 myself and having been a troubled guy most of his life I never got to know him that well. My memories are of a guy who joked about, albeit a darker sense of humor but I seen a soft spot in there and I know that he would have enjoyed life more had he stuck around. Times have changed, they always do and I think this kind of pain can and should be temporary. He is missing out on the future and lives of people like me. I would have liked to get to know him, but I never got the chance. No matter how much he thought his family hated him, believe me tears were cried, I have never seen the faces of some of my family in so much pain. Something I never want to see again. He was angry and separated himself from the rest of us. How could he know if he didn't embrace us? I don't believe in any greater power, what I do believe is nothing. When you die the lights go out, permanently. Sure that does have it's attractions, but why give up on this one chance you have? Think ahead, write a list of big things to do in your head. That motivates me to want to live, to fulfill those wishes and see where the future takes me. I think we are in a time with potential to be pretty interesting so I'd want to stick around and see what happens. Wise words once said "Things can only get better". You've acknowledged a low point, so look ahead at a brighter future. Hope you get back on a happy path and realise life is precious, rubbish, wonderful, dreadful, beautiful and ugly too. But that is what makes it so interesting as it plays out in front of you. We all have these bad feelings at certain times, but we also all have the ability to bounce back, you just have to want to.

2010-06-19 15:51:00 Author: OneEyedBanshee Posts: 1370

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Nice post OneEyedBanshee. Sorry about your brother. My escape is video games. Some days I'm playing and realise i'm just going through the motions then feel kinda ******. Music really helps though. Also... "I get by with a little help from my friends." Friends are really important I think.

2010-06-20 14:17:00 Author: midnight_heist Posts: 2513

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The thing that bugs me is why does it have to be so hard for a person to kill themselves? If there was a painless and 100% guaranteed way to commit suicide then I would do it right now, but every known method runs a high risk of leaving you mentally cabbaged or physically effed up instead of dead, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take. I want to escape from my situation, not make it worse! So instead I'm stuck here feeling miserable and worthless every day, while dragging my family down with me. If there is a God, I hate him.

2010-06-20 14:39:00 Author: Ungreth Posts: 2130

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Don't use videogames as an escape, that's unhealthy. An outlet, sure. Not a full-fledged escape. Your problems will still be there if you dont find real world solutions

2010-06-20 16:46:00 Author: monstahr Posts: 1361

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Ungreth I am really sad that you talk of suicide so freely. It is not something that should be taken so lightly. You have a family, no matter how much you think you bring them down it would never hurt as much as if you killed yourself. They would feel they failed you and nothing is more painful than that. What would your kids have to look up to? A name engraved in granite? It's something that you can never forget, people left behind in the aftermath will always be mentally scarred. The thing that bugs me is why does it have to be so hard for a person to try? You actually sound like your adding fuel to this fire your trapped in, we are all too ready to fail and give up than face it and try to sort it out. Obviously I can't go into it too much as I don't know you or your situation. My mother is a psychiatric nurse so I think I can slightly relate to your work. She has had plenty of run ins with attempted suicide from patients and all sorts of craziness. Morale definitely can be challenged but she always comes home and leaves that bit of herself at the doors in work. I think we can safely say there is no God as religion teaches. If there was what kind of sick joke would it be to make people mentally ill and incapable of living normal lives without help? A test of some sort just doesn't cut it, how many subjects could one being study at any given time? Not enough for the amount of crap going on around here. You have to laugh at things though otherwise it gets a bit too serious. I look to nature a lot too, it is the one place left with any magic in it for me. Establish what is so messed up for you in life and make the changes. In your heart of hearts I am sure you know exactly what it is that has you thinking like this.

2010-06-21 00:57:00 Author: OneEyedBanshee Posts: 1370

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Ungreth I am really sad that you talk of suicide so freely. It is not something that should be taken so lightly. You have a family, no matter how much you think you bring them down it would never hurt as much as if you killed yourself. They would feel they failed you and nothing is more painful than that. What would your kids have to look up to? A name engraved in granite? It's something that you can never forget, people left behind in the aftermath will always be mentally scarred. The thing that bugs me is why does it have to be so hard for a person to try? You actually sound like your adding fuel to this fire your trapped in, we are all too ready to fail and give up than face it and try to sort it out. Obviously I can't go into it too much as I don't know you or your situation. My mother is a psychiatric nurse so I think I can slightly relate to your work. She has had plenty of run ins with attempted suicide from patients and all sorts of craziness. Morale definitely can be challenged but she always comes home and leaves that bit of herself at the doors in work. I think we can safely say there is no God as religion teaches. If there was what kind of sick joke would it be to make people mentally ill and incapable of living normal lives without help? A test of some sort just doesn't cut it, how many subjects could one being study at any given time? Not enough for the amount of crap going on around here. You have to laugh at things though otherwise it gets a bit too serious. I look to nature a lot too, it is the one place left with any magic in it for me. Establish what is so messed up for you in life and make the changes. In your heart of hearts I am sure you know exactly what it is that has you thinking like this. My family only need me on a financial level. Since a student nurse made a serious drug error on a medication round where I was the senior nurse last week, I've been told I cannot work while it's being investigated and possibly won't be allowed back to the hospital at all. So now I can't even provide that financial support to my family any more. There is no emotional connection between me, my wife and my step-kids, and although my own daughter seems to love her daddy, she's only 4 years old and won't take long to forget everything about her early years. Besides which, if were planning a serious suicide attempt then I would just annoy my wife into leaving me (easily done) before I go abroad to do it. Who would miss an absent husband and father, and who would even know that he's dead? There's no changing my situation because it's inside of me, not outside. I can't connect with people on any emotional level. This helps me stay personally detached and remain objective in my line of work, but it pretty much kills any chance I might have at being part of a family or having a social life. I feel claustrophobic in the company of others, and when old friends drop by I can't wait for them to leave so I can be alone again. My wife and kids tell me stuff, and I don't even register any of it because I'm usually zoned out in my own little world. Because I'm not really concentrating on what people are saying, I often forget important stuff I need to do. I'm sure my wife once loved me, but I know she must have grown sick of living with a man who is there in body but never in mind. I don't want to exist in a mind that's always floating away untethered from the world. Don't worry though, because I'm too chicken to actually kill myself. It's just a nice idea that's all.

2010-06-21 09:34:00 Author: Ungreth Posts: 2130

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