General Stuff #1
One liners
Archive: 70 posts
Post your one liners here, have fun  | 2010-03-19 08:03:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin  Posts: 479 |
| "Don't miss." "I won't." What game's that from. Go ahead, guess. I dare you.  | 2010-03-19 11:21:00 Author: qrtda235566  Posts: 3664 |
| Native American for vegetarian, lazy hunter. Being in a relationship with a tennis player is useless, love means nothing to them. | 2010-03-19 11:26:00 Author: Boomy  Posts: 3701 |
| 'Never gonna give you up...' | 2010-03-19 15:14:00 Author: Testudini  Posts: 3262 |
| 'Never gonna let you down.' | 2010-03-19 16:25:00 Author: Boomy Posts: 3701 |
| "Never gonna run around and desert yoooooou" | 2010-03-19 16:34:00 Author: Fenderjt  Posts: 1969 |
| "C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER" Win | 2010-03-19 17:10:00 Author: Pantyer2  Posts: 652 |
| I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. | 2010-03-19 17:50:00 Author: Arkei  Posts: 1432 |
| "Boom Headshot" - Optimus Prime "I Feel it in my fingers" | 2010-03-19 19:03:00 Author: lbpholic  Posts: 1304 |
| Aim for the head | 2010-03-19 20:03:00 Author: Unknown User  |
| i've got two: suport publik edecashun and... I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I | 2010-03-19 20:33:00 Author: trip090  Posts: 1562 |
| "he makes my martini just how I like it; full of alcohol" | 2010-03-19 20:39:00 Author: flamingemu  Posts: 1872 |
| "I swear to god alchohol, theres no veins in my officer!" | 2010-03-20 00:59:00 Author: thekevinexpress  Posts: 256 |
| "Let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers!" - Far Cry 2 | 2010-03-20 03:45:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| "What's up?" "Opposite of down." | 2010-03-20 07:15:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "Muffins are ugly cupcakes"-My friends | 2010-03-20 08:15:00 Author: Mangarocks14  Posts: 262 |
| "Quit while your ahea..." | 2010-03-20 08:41:00 Author: Littlebigdude805  Posts: 1924 |
| Groucho Marx: A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. he was a funny man | 2010-03-20 15:42:00 Author: monstahr  Posts: 1361 |
| Man walks into a bar....... Ouch | 2010-03-20 23:27:00 Author: lbpholic Posts: 1304 |
| "Homerowed!" "Go Wildcats!" "Call me tomorrow and tell me how that bullet tasted!" | 2010-03-20 23:39:00 Author: Your Fat Zebra  Posts: 22 |
| "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." "You know, some mornings, I wonder if it's even worth chewing through the leather straps to get outta bed." Love that one. | 2010-03-21 06:27:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "Hasta la vista, baby." | 2010-03-21 18:57:00 Author: gofurr360z  Posts: 886 |
| I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. | 2010-03-21 19:03:00 Author: TheCountessZ  Posts: 537 |
| Quotes are not the same as one-liners. If you can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle then you're fat. | 2010-03-21 20:52:00 Author: Arkei Posts: 1432 |
| "I get better looking everyday, can't wait for tomorrow!" | 2010-03-21 21:07:00 Author: talbot-trembler  Posts: 1114 |
| I grow thicker with age, why does it have to be my 90th birthday tommorow. | 2010-03-22 15:06:00 Author: lbpholic Posts: 1304 |
| Can i have the time please? LMAO | 2010-03-22 16:40:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969 |
| "Do a barrel roll!" | 2010-03-22 16:45:00 Author: GreyMRP Posts: 588 |
| rectum? it nearly killed him! I always hear this punchline, but its always in a situation where you don't hear the rest of the joke. I'm not sure there is a "rest of the joke". Also, one I came up with myself. GLBT couch: homosectional | 2010-03-22 17:20:00 Author: Deftmute  Posts: 730 |
| "I know right?" | 2010-03-22 17:24:00 Author: damaz10  Posts: 771 |
| That's what she said. | 2010-03-22 18:07:00 Author: Incinerator22  Posts: 3251 |
| Man standing sideways by baggage claim in an airport terminal is most likely going to Bangkok. | 2010-03-22 18:48:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "If you were a booger, I'd pick you first" Freakin' Johnny Test. | 2010-03-22 18:58:00 Author: GreyMRP Posts: 588 |
| "To infinity, and beyond!" | 2010-03-22 21:13:00 Author: AgentBanana  Posts: 511 |
| That's what she said. You took mine!!! I hatez you forver! The Holy Grail of One Liners, taken away from me! I feel like crying. This is a big deal. It's a very big thing! It's huge! That's what she said.  | 2010-03-23 01:56:00 Author: srgt_poptart  Posts: 425 |
| You took mine!!! I hatez you forver! The Holy Grail of One Liners, taken away from me! I feel like crying. This is a big deal. It's a very big thing! It's huge! That's a TWO liner you idiot! /slap... /sniped Ah yes, the greatest one liner of all. /sniped | 2010-03-23 01:59:00 Author: RockSauron  Posts: 10882 |
| You stay classy, San Diego. | 2010-03-23 02:02:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack  Posts: 5757 |
| Okay guys, think "What's funny and only one sentence?" That's a "one liner". Quotes are cool but only if they are one liners. This thread is supposed to make you laugh. | 2010-03-23 07:40:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| Obi Wan Kenobi is just like God but with better weapons. I just happen to see about 5 mins of the show Skins and heard this, still one of the best lines I've heard. | 2010-03-23 08:33:00 Author: SR20DETDOG  Posts: 2431 |
| All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Half the people you know are below average. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again. What's another word for Thesaurus? When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars". I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. | 2010-03-23 16:46:00 Author: Voodeedoo  Posts: 724 |
| Lol epic one liners there Voodeedoo lol lovin the first one the most tho | 2010-03-23 16:56:00 Author: lbpholic Posts: 1304 |
| I want to make a video game where you help all the people who've been shot in the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.' | 2010-03-23 17:27:00 Author: Arkei Posts: 1432 |
| 100% of all non - smokers die. | 2010-03-23 19:26:00 Author: theamilien  Posts: 485 |
| Old age is the leading cause of death in the elderly. | 2010-03-23 23:24:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| You wanna get high? | 2010-03-24 02:18:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| Just remember, wherever you go..... there ya are! Buckaroo Banzai | 2010-03-24 02:43:00 Author: CCubbage  Posts: 4430 |
| When I die, I will donate my body to science fiction. | 2010-03-24 07:04:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724 |
| When in doubt, use C4. | 2010-03-25 02:41:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| You know you're a red neck when you buy a gun rack for your gun rack. | 2010-03-25 02:54:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| You might be a redneck if you got a gun rack on your bike. You might be a redneck if you have a transmission in your tub. You might be a redneck if you have to climb to the top of the water tower to defend your sister's name. And last but not least, you might be a redneck if you didn't see why that's funny. | 2010-03-25 03:24:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "Stop playing dumb with me!" "He's not playing" "Don't feed the troll" | 2010-03-25 03:27:00 Author: Incinerator22 Posts: 3251 |
| You might be a redneck if you stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "CONCENTRATE". Two wrongs don't make a right... but three rights make a left! | 2010-03-25 06:00:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| You might be a redneck if you stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "CONCENTRATE". That's a blonde joke. Two wrongs don't make a right... but three rights make a left! My mom has slapped me twice for that response. "Nice shoes..." | 2010-03-25 06:50:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "I reject your reality and substitute my own!" | 2010-03-25 07:06:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| i have a t shirt that says: "i never make mistakes. i though i did once, but i was mistaken." | 2010-03-25 19:14:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724 |
| You know you're a redneck when mix your soup with your shotgun. | 2010-03-26 01:38:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| The straightest line between two points is a short distance. | 2010-03-26 06:27:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| This isn't Burger King; you can't have it your way! | 2010-03-26 06:28:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| (I got one. Just look at Outlaw's sig. ) | 2010-03-28 03:14:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| "It's better to be a has-been that a never-was." (D'oh! xP Everyone references to that!!) "The cake is a lie." | 2010-03-28 04:10:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| I think I'm agnostic, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. When in doubt, mumble. Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. | 2010-03-28 07:11:00 Author: thefrozenpenquin Posts: 479 |
| "The cake is a lie." (That's what all the LBP PSP users say. )All's fair in love and war... except in court. | 2010-03-28 10:29:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
I have wasted my life playing video games. Good thing I have two left. | 2010-03-29 22:21:00 Author: midnight_heist  Posts: 2513 |
| Roses are red, voilets are blue... then what the hell is the color violet? | 2010-03-30 00:45:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| In Soviet Russia, law break you! | 2010-03-30 04:14:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757 |
| You're name is Toby! | 2010-03-30 04:26:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
| In Soviet Russia, law break you! Lol. I love those jokes. On a tank level I once saw a comment that said, "In Soviet Russia, tank drives you!" | 2010-03-30 04:54:00 Author: Incinerator22 Posts: 3251 |
| "for those lost in an empty abyss, I TOLD YOU TO BRING SOME ROPE" "don't spit into the air, gravity is a mean force..." | 2010-03-30 04:57:00 Author: MaxFromLi  Posts: 30 |
| I'm celebrating one hundred years of not being able to count! =D http://i.neoseeker.com/mgv/272671-Blackfalcon/671/5/animal0064hb2_display.gif | 2010-03-31 20:25:00 Author: Blackfalcon  Posts: 409 |
| I'm not random, I just think faster than others! | 2010-04-02 00:05:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551 |
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