Archive: 34 posts

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Well the title says it all really, just type your jokes below, simple as that. The joke i believe to be the best of the day will be shown below. Todays best Joke: oldie but goodie lol The Atheist and the Bear! An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful...AMEN!" Submitted by: saulbecomespaul Nice one.

2010-02-16 09:37:00 Author: SR20DETDOG Posts: 2431

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Where do dogs park their car? In the BARKING lot!!!11 BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! gettit??// Took me weeks to come up with that.

2010-02-16 20:23:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724

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What's the Mafia's favorite side dish? Badda-Beanz! (Made that myself! )

2010-02-16 22:41:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551

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Why don't chickens wear pants? BECAUSE THEIR PECKERS ON THEIR HEAD!!!!

2010-02-16 23:13:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not? Oh yeah best joke ever!! I made that one up myself too!

2010-02-16 23:55:00 Author: Doopz Posts: 5592

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What did the pig general tell tell the other pig soldiers? Quick, get to the pork-choppa! (Man, where do I come up with this stuff? )

2010-02-16 23:57:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551

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the joke at the bottom of my sig. i want to see how many people will get it

2010-02-17 00:42:00 Author: Mopthefloo Posts: 139

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What's right, rectangular and has a blue outline? The searchbar!!! Use it.

2010-02-17 01:11:00 Author: Unknown User

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What do you get when you cross a earthquake and a cow? A MILKSHAKE!

2010-02-17 02:40:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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What's right, rectangular and has a blue outline? The searchbar!!! Use it. I did. Nothing like this came up or anything at all for that matter, no need to be peevish, but I'll have another look. Edit: Ok so I searched again, just like I did before and this time results did come up. Not sure what the problem was before, guess it was either the search function or my computer playing up. We all make mistakes, that's what makes us human.

2010-02-17 05:57:00 Author: SR20DETDOG Posts: 2431

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What's a camel favorite song? My humps!

2010-02-17 07:08:00 Author: Botak_boy Posts: 56

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hmm.... no one gets ma joke?

2010-02-18 01:26:00 Author: Mopthefloo Posts: 139

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I do :3 Sadly I've heard it before :[

2010-02-18 02:41:00 Author: Testudini Posts: 3262

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hmm.... no one gets ma joke? 01001001011101000010000001110111011000010111001100 10000001110000011100100110010101110110011010010110 11110111010101110011011011000111100100100000011100 11011101000110000101110100011001010110010000100000 01110100011010000110000101110100001000000111010001 10100001100101011100100110010100100000011101110110 01010111001001100101001000000110111101101110011011 00011110010010000001110100011001010110111000100000 01110000011001010110111101110000011011000110010100 10000001101001011011100010000001110100011010000110 10010111001100100000011101110110111101110010011011 00011001000010110000100000011101000110100001101111 01110011011001010010000001110111011010000110111100 10000001100011011011110111010101101100011001000010 00000111010101101110011001000110010101110010011100 11011101000110000101101110011001000010000001100010 01101001011011100110000101110010011110010010000001 10000101101110011001000010000001110100011010000110 11110111001101100101001000000111011101101000011011 11001000000110001101101111011101010110110001100100 00100000011011100110111101110100001011000010000001 10000101101100011101000110100001101111011101010110 01110110100000100000011101000110100001100001011101 00001000000110100101110011001000000110111101101110 01101100011110010010000001110100011101110110111100 10000001100100011010010110011001100110011001010111 00100110010101101110011101000010000001100111011100 10011011110111010101110000011100110010110000100000 01110010011001010110110001100001011101000110100101 10111001100111001000000111010001101111001000000110 00100110100101101110011000010111001001111001001011 00001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100011 01101111011001000110010100100000011011110110011000 10000001110100011101110110111100100000011001000110 10010110011001100110011001010111001001100101011011 10011101000010000001101110011101010110110101100101 01110010011000010110110001110011001011100010000001 00000101101000001011000010000001110110011001010111 00100111100100100000011010000111010101101101011001 01011100100110111101110101011100110010111000100000 01010110011001010111001001111001001000000110100001 11010101101101011001010111001001101111011101010111 00110010000001101001011011100110010001100101011001 01011001000010111000100000011011000110111101101100 00101110

2010-02-18 05:06:00 Author: Incinerator22 Posts: 3251

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That joke was pretty, dare I say, L337... Cini Hmmmmmmm Whats Black, Crispy and sits at the top of the stairs? Christopher Reeves in a house fire.

2010-02-18 05:10:00 Author: Unknown User

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heres a long joke for you. ok there was a bus full of ugly people they get into a car accident they all die. they all go to heaven god says you have 1 wish each. the first one says i wish i was beautiful god makes her beautiful. the second says that was a graet wish i wish the same. they keep going on and on wishing they where beautiful. well the guy at the back is hysterically laughing people are wishing they are beautiful so about after 200 people wish they where beautiful god says ok mr. laughy pants what is your wish and he says i wish them all ugly agn.

2010-02-18 21:10:00 Author: WESFUN Posts: 1336

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"i was once arrested for walking in someone elses sleep." "we all know the speed of light, but whats the speed of darkness?" "When I die, I'm donating my body to science fiction." "I put a humiditer and a dehumiditer in my room and let them fight it off." "I woke up to see this large woman in me room just jumping around. when I asked who she was, she replied "Paula Abdul Jabaar." i couldnt remember a lot of them, and i forgot the name of the dude but i remember him being better than that demitri guy...

2010-02-18 21:44:00 Author: Voodeedoo Posts: 724

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Douglas Adams: Forty-two. Mohammed Aldouri (Iraqi ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken. Aristotle: To actualize its potential. Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence. Salvador Dali: The Fish. Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads. Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned,because structuralism is DEAD, ******, DEAD! Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Emerson: The chicken didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun. Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down. Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it. Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. David Hume: Out of custom and habit. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Agent Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? Ralph Nader: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road. Plato: For the greater good. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? Ronald Reagan: I forget. Colonel Sanders: I missed one? Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? Where do they get these chickens?" Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. The Sphinx: You tell me. Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too! Thoreau: To live deliberatelyand suck all the marrow out of life. Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. Molly Yard: It was a hen! Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side. (http://homepage.mac.com/mseffie/handouts/chicken.html)

2010-02-19 00:12:00 Author: Incinerator22 Posts: 3251

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Now that's a long post. Got one for ya, The weight of a 100m bridge that it can withstand is 4000 kg. The weight of a truck that is going to cross the bridge is also 4000kg, before it reaches the bridge. Halfway at the bridge, a bird drops in and lands on the truck. Supposing there is no other vehicles on the bridge, why doesn't the bridge collapse? The weight of the truck consists of the truck AND the petrol it contains. So by halfway along the bridge, some of its petrol has been used up, therefore the weight drops and the bird just adds a little bit more weight!

2010-03-19 05:36:00 Author: Botak_boy Posts: 56

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What do you call a bird bank? A bawk.... Heres another one: What do you call a person with no legs? Army Strong....

2010-03-19 05:50:00 Author: comishguy67 Posts: 849

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Oh man, I love my Brazil jokes: What's a brazil nut called in Brazil? a nut What does Brazil produce more of than any other country...? Wait for it BRAZILLIONS!!!

2010-03-19 06:43:00 Author: Shhabbazz Posts: 746

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What's white and flies through the jungle? A refrigerator. What's blue and flies through the jungle? A refrigerator wearing a denim jacket. What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

2010-03-19 11:58:00 Author: monstahr Posts: 1361

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Why doesnt a chicken wear pants? BECAUSE THEIR PECKERS ARE ON THEIR HEADS!!! ........................................... What do you get if you stick your head under a cow? A PAT ON THE HEAD! ........................................ What do you call a deer with no eyes? NO IDEA ....................................... What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? STILL NO IDEA

2010-03-19 12:18:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969

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Two sausages together in an oven, one says "Wow its hot in here!" the other replies "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!" I found that hilarious

2010-03-19 12:28:00 Author: Boomy Posts: 3701

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Two sausages together in an oven, one says "Wow its hot in here!" the other replies "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!" I found that hilarious But but how comes the other one is shocked that the sausage can talk when it is a sausage that can talk too??? Another joke: One morning a man opened a door in his pajamas and said "How'd that get there!?"

2010-03-19 13:33:00 Author: Fenderjt Posts: 1969

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Three men died and were sent to heaven. 'You have all sinned', God said. 'And you will all be punished. You will all have to spend forever with an ugly woman!' The first two met their ugly women and soon fell depressed. Then they saw the third guy with a hot woman. 'How did you get a hot one?' they said. The woman sighed. 'I sinned.' -- Can't remember where I saw the joke, and I dont think I got it all right..

2010-03-19 15:13:00 Author: Testudini Posts: 3262

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? 'Cause he didn't have the guts!

2010-03-20 01:55:00 Author: TheCountessZ Posts: 537

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? 'Cause he didn't have the guts! Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball. He had nobody to go with... get it nobody. Oh man the was a terrible joke.

2010-03-20 03:22:00 Author: SR20DETDOG Posts: 2431

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But but how comes the other one is shocked that the sausage can talk when it is a sausage that can talk too??? http://i282.photobucket.com/albums/kk269/zorrodeltaco/thats_the_joke.jpg unless you knew this already

2010-03-20 03:56:00 Author: monstahr Posts: 1361

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"Knock, knock..." "Whose there?" "...go ***** yourselves" *insert quick drum solo here*

2010-03-24 23:40:00 Author: Oerjeke Posts: 234

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What do you call a bad joke? This one.

2010-03-24 23:42:00 Author: Doopz Posts: 5592

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What do you call a good joke? a good joke

2010-03-25 03:23:00 Author: Shhabbazz Posts: 746

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There are two cannibals... now there's one. -------- Why do they call them apartments when they're built so close together? -------- Ok, a man is heading from Los Angeles at 250 mph. Another man is heading from New York at 350 mph. Where do they meet? In jail! -------- A farmer was quickly securing his crops as a tornado was coming onshore. But just as he was leaving the fields, he spots a lone man gliding down with a parachute towards his fields. The farmer quickly ran down to the landing area as the winds came howling in. The man laid there, still dazed by his sudden landing. "Geez, why would you do sky-diving in a storm?!" the farmer spoke, yelling over the fierce winds. "Sky-diving?!" the man replied, "I was camping!" That's it... for now.

2010-03-25 06:15:00 Author: Outlaw-Jack Posts: 5757

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oldie but goodie lol The Atheist and the Bear! An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful...AMEN!"

2010-03-25 21:01:00 Author: saulbecomespaul Posts: 52

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