General Stuff #1
Replacement- Now a poem because I'm too lazy to make it an actual story
Archive: 3 posts
| Yes, I needed to write a poem for school, and I think it's purty gewd, but I wrote in an hour, so I thought I'd ask what ya'll think 1.The Sun rises yet again 2.Here on my face of regret 3.Meaning is a difficult thing to mend 4.Perhaps now is the time to repent? 5.Seven Years since the accident 6.That killed a young man 7.Seven Years since the Experiment 8.That proved just what man can 9.Parents who could not let go 10.And took part in an experiment 11.Took their darling boy 12.And made him a Replacement 13.Seven years I've lived his life 14.With sorrow in my soul 15.For although I live, I feel his scythe 16.The aura of his soul, on my existence, taking its toll 17.What is the meaning of birth? 18.Why should it matter why I'm here? 19.All I know is that I have girth... 20.But is that not enough, I fear? 21.Meaning is a difficult question 22.And it's sorrows make me moan 23.But we must fess up and make our confessions 24.I am, indeed, a clone. 25.But what difference does it make? 26.The circumstances of my creation 27.For while I live to continue someone else's sake 28.That doesn't make me a replacement I have quite a few problems, namely lines 19 and 22... but I couldn't think of better rhymes then "moan" and "girth" so, um... thoughts/comments/anything? :/ | 2009-12-01 23:59:00 Author: RockSauron  Posts: 10882 |
| Nice job! The poem is very interesting, as cloning is. And yes, it is great. I give it a 8.693265728168965728935/10, as some of the lines (as you mentioned) don't make as much sense as they should. And really, no longer poems really make complete sense. | 2009-12-03 03:25:00 Author: chezhead  Posts: 1063 |
| I give it a 9/10. I liked it, because it describes the situation without reading over and over and over... and over. For sentence 22, moan is good, but sentence 19's girth, not that much. Maybe something like "I only exist on this Earth" or something like that. Anyways, good poem. | 2009-12-04 03:03:00 Author: CyberSora  Posts: 5551 |
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