Archive: 12 posts

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I have a problem, which I know how to solve, but not how to approach it. Here's the deal. I'm this selective group of students at my school, the gifted, the smartest ones. Or so they say of course, but that's besides the point... for now. Anyways I've known some of these guys since 2nd grade, that's 6 years. And they've been my best friends for a while. Thing is though, I'm starting to get the feeling they're getting sick of me. I feel it's been going on for approximately a year. They give me odd looks. I used to get invited to a lot of their get-togethers but just the other day one of the classmates (We're pretty small, about 14 students.) walked around shouting loudly "WE ARE HAVING A MOVIE NIGHT ON FRIDAY, YA COMING?", whilst I looked on in an almost catatonic state of disbelief and rage/depression. Heck, I know there's a Halloween party going on (Which I was invited too last year) to which I am currently not invited. Not to mention when I talk to them they usually ignore me. This is near exile compared to the behavior they showed some years ago.... Now, after a series of harrowing experiences I've grown some backbone and I want to confront them about this. Either reconnect with them, let them know what I think, find out why they dislike me so much, or various of the above. Thing is I don't know how and I need you guys to help me with that. I don't want to make so that the situation gets worse. Even if they don't turn out to be truly my friends, I don't want to spend 6 hours every day of the next 6 months in a classroom full of people who hate me. So, a bit of help could come at hand. I know alot of you guys have wisdom in age, and some just have wisdom beyond years, which even for me is far more than what I have. I'd really appreciate it if you guys could help me out on this. And if this works out I'll ask you guys about crushes and all that because I got another problem that could use fixing....

2009-10-31 05:27:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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The first thing you need to do is stop assuming they hate you. Lack of communication drawn out is not good for relationships - first you begin to think of possibilities, then you begin to think the worst, and then you begin to ASSUME the worst. Yes, you should confront your friends about it, but let's put aside the word "confront" - So instead, discuss it with them. Keep in mind when you talk to them to NOT assume that they hate you for ANY reason whatsoever. Also, and this may not be what you want to hear, but when I was your age I didn't hang onto many friends for such a long period of time. My enduring friendships in school STARTED when I was 14. I lost touch and drifted apart from those I was close to just a few years earlier. School's a *****, though, it really is. It's a social minefield. Hopefully these are good guys, and if not, then I hope you can find some of your ilk. I've always had a bit of a sixth sense, and I think MOST people do - you can sense when someone is one of "your people". Are these guys really your ilk? I can pretty much guarantee you've got kindred spirits left and right. Finding them and connecting can be difficult, but that never changes, no matter how old you get. I wish I could give you some better advice, but the truth is, I would just be honest and have a discussion with them, be careful that you don't make assumptions, keep a cool head, and hopefully you can get to the bottom of it. this is important, if you really like these guys, tell them that. Say that you really like hanging out and you feel like you haven't been doing it as much lately as you used to. And if this works out I'll ask you guys about crushes and all that because I got another problem that could use fixing.... Oh, WOW, look at the time! I must be getting out of here. I have a... place. For being in. To do. *jumps out window*

2009-10-31 07:06:00 Author: Teebonesy Posts: 1937

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Listen here sonny. . . . teebonesy's advice is good, go with it. Not really much else you could do but be straight up with them. And if it turns out they do in fact hate you. . then, well. . **** 'em. Also, and this may not be what you want to hear, but when I was your age I didn't hang onto many friends for such a long period of time. My enduring friendships in school STARTED when I was 14. I lost touch and drifted apart from those I was close to just a few years earlier. I've had to deal with some similar bs. I had the most friends throughout my life in elementary school. I had like 5 real good friends back then that I would hang out with all the time. Somewhere around the end of elementary school to the start of middle school, they all suddenly weren't my friends anymore, and I've missed it ever since. Never had a friendship as good as my ones from back then. I don't know what their deal is. . but they're going to get some cold hard truth from me when I sign their yearbook (I bet at least half of them wont ask me to, but I'm going to make sure they hear what I have to say. . those aholes). Last words to someone, I'm making them count. Going to be as brutally honest as I can be, and my peers will have to deal with it. School's a *****, though, it really is. It's a social minefield. I like how you put it How I would put it is simply. . best 4 years of your life my *ss.

2009-10-31 07:29:00 Author: ChristmasJew Posts: 431

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One possible reason why your "friends" ignore you is that you might be talking about something boring. I remember a few weeks of my life when all I talked about was LBP. I started loosing friends pretty fast . It may be the same with you though, you might be obsessing about the subjects your interested in, and you are unaware of the subjects this group are interested in. Another solution to this situation, is to slowly slip back into this group of friends by being very nice to them all. Everybody likes being around a person who compliments them all the time, maybe you should try it. The last thing you should do is empathise with your friends, put yourself in their shoes. Is there any reason why these people should alienate you? If not these people are idiots and you should not be friends with them. I hope that advice helps, good luck.

2009-10-31 11:30:00 Author: olit123 Posts: 1341

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And if this works out I'll ask you guys about crushes and all that because I got another problem that could use fixing.... Don't wait for her to approach you! Do the first step /speaks from experience

2009-10-31 11:42:00 Author: Syroc Posts: 3193

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theres not much advice i can give you because everybody else has said it. And i have had a similar problem and i confronted people have said they hated me, But i dont really care the thing is if you truly hate somebody your probably the one whos the Ahole not the person you hate. Be yourself and you can always make other friends, heck you do it online everyday just apply that to the real world

2009-10-31 12:04:00 Author: robotiod Posts: 2662

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I've had similar problems. I even came back to XBL chats and overheard people talking about me D: But i guess everyone does that, so i wasn't bothered. But yeah, talk to them about it, but don't be aggressive or anything. be calm etc. Oh yeah, those mates who i said i wasn't bothered about? I also shot them.

2009-10-31 12:54:00 Author: Unknown User

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Teebone won the thread already. Also, don't be affraid of people. Don't be affraid of change and for losing. At your age such things must probably mean evolution (positive one). Work up your life, your things, your interests. School is an incredible tool we are all too silly to use when we are young (me the first -- I took College as "party time" and also spent all my school loan on those parties and electronics, games, etc). .

2009-10-31 16:34:00 Author: RangerZero Posts: 3901

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Oooh, tricky situation there. I tend to hang out with about 6 main friends, whom I trust completely and am really good friends with, though I am friends with another large group on top, these 6 are people I put absolute trust in. I've recently been "absorbed" into another group of about 10, who I'm starting to trust more and more. There's two ways to approach your situation - Approach THEM, or change yourself. Out of these two, I'd say approach them, because changing yourself is never really a good thing. It's taken me a few years to get settled into the social routine I am currently in (mainly because of long-term illness) but now I am I feel secure in it. So my advice to you is either to approach them and ask them about it, or keep things ticking over for a while. As for the crush thing, apparently the one key thing that girls around your age (I'm guessing 12-16) are looking for is confidence. No joke, I've been told this by a few. So just relax, talk freely, and don't pressure them too much, just talk to them and let them talk. And for the love of god, don't hurl!

2009-10-31 16:52:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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crushes Whatever you do, don't hold back. The human mind is a complicated machine, I've actually learned quoite a lot about it recently.

2009-10-31 19:04:00 Author: ARD Posts: 4291

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Sorry I haven't been responding guys, I've been somewhat busy. As a matter of fact expect not to see me much over the coming week..... school and all. Anyways, I can't thank you all enough. I will probably go through with this on monday, and I'll let ya'll know how it went.... And, I won't hold back

2009-10-31 22:01:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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'And if this works out I'll ask you guys about crushes and all that because I got another problem that could use fixing....' How could you forget my thread! And how embarrassing that was looking back You were the first reply! https://lbpcentral.lbp-hub.com/index.php?t=t=8691&highlight=talking+girls *please note, advice contained may not work, it certainly didn't in my case.* Feel free to try though And laugh at my fail if it makes you feel better. maid3nedit: Why, yes, I will, however, use this thread in the future as well. There's no chances with the girl I have a crush on now, but High School is promising. THat was you ages ago in that thread astrosimi - same girl?

2009-11-01 18:55:00 Author: Unknown User

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