Archive: 38 posts

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This is my attempt at a new story, taking place during the worst disaster of the worlds time. And yes, the main character's name is Max, the name of the hero of my discontinued story. But in this story, is Max the hero? The villain? A bystander? Find out in the amazing novelette of a story, THE WEIGHT OF DEATH Prologue Max woke up. The winds flew around him, and he stood up. He grasped his head, moaning, feeling the aftershock of the debris that had hit his head. He looked around and saw the large tower collapse. The S42 WA dropships crashing. The cracking ground. The Antimatter, ripping away at everything. He felt the weight of the death of many. He had caused this. Many people would hate him for what he had done, the widows and widowers, parentless children, and relatives of those who died in this. All his doing. Everyone. Dead. He would never make up for this. He would be in prison for life. He would end this. He looked at the ever growing sinkhole that was growing larger where the building once stood. He walked forward, and walked off. And embraced his death. Chapter 1 Max was sitting on his computer, doing some homework on antimatter for collage. It was a great summer day in 2020. The flowers were blooming, and there were trees, not much different between this year and the past 20. Just some nukes have been dropped on Pakistan a couple years ago, but that was old news. Just a year ago, the Wellfare Association of the Earth had sent out shipments of "nuke shields", that would incinerate any incoming nuclear missiles with Etherenergy rays. His lifelong dream was to join the WAotE, but you had to be a genius. And it wasn't supposed to be found. You had to be invited, and no one really knows where the headquarters is, and what they do other than send packages into the pentagon labs via advanced nanotechnology particles. They are considered a threat to the government and are always trying to be tracked down. If they could send anything, anywhere, including Etherenergy bombs, wouldn't the government be scared? But the only thing they would do is help others, saying they wanted all weapons to become useless. Max did not get why the government would try to destroy their hope of world peace. Must be their wacko president's orders. The current president was BJ Sims, who won because there was no candidate for the Republican Party, as Adam Henry had died of a heart attack the day before the election. Max thought it was some sort of assassination, but it was a pre-existing condition Then something strange happened... something was on his lap, but it was pale and transparent, and he couldn't feel it! His hand went right through it. It started glowing, and with a pop, it became solid, right on his lap. "What is this?" He thought. Chapter 2 Somewhere else, where the sky was almost always bright this time of year, a man named Adeodatus pressed a blue button. It connected some switches in the computer's internal mechanics and with a flash, a screen in front of him lit up. A silhouette of a man was present the LED monitor. "Did you send the package?" the character said in a scrambled voice. "Ita est." Adeodatus loved the Latin language. It was one of the older dialects, and many languages were based on it. And not to mention sounded very profound. "Just speak English. I don't want any confusion in this serious matter." the silhouette said. Sorry my carus amicus. No wait... dear friend. The connection was closed. In a house in Wisconsin, Max stared at the package that had appeared on his lap. It took about three minutes before he opened it. The contents were simple. A metal ball and a piece of paper. The paper read: Maxwell Winslow, We are inviting you to apply for a job at the Welfare Association of the Earth. This message shall be breif, as not to alert others of this operation taking place which you soon will find out about. Nothing shall be kept from you when you reach your location. Take the enclosed sphere and you will know. -Optimus vota Max, without hesitation, grasped the sphere in his hand and all of a sudden, with an eerie tingle, knew what to do. He had to go to Anchorage and meet a man dressed in black with a baseball cap with the letters AI inscribed on the front at the Moose Lung bar in the center of town. He wondered, "How did he know this? Why was he chosen? What the hell is going on?" What he did know is that he should make his way to Alaska straight away. Chapter 3 After a while of considering, Max eventually said "Screw school! This is a chance of a lifetime!" and took a plane to Alaska. As he flew, he thought about all the reasons why he could have been chosen to work there. Maybe his smartnes? No, he wasn't TOO smart. Creativity? Charming good looks? He fell asleep feeling better about himself then he ever had before. When he got to the Moose Lung Bar, he immediately felt like he knew what to do when he grabbed the doorknob to get in. Go to warehouse district 13A and go into the oddly shaped building where he should enter the back door. If he went in the front, he would be pulverized, apparently. Where was the man with the AI cap? How did he all of a sudden know this information... again? Is his life turning into a season of LOST? He got to the warehouse shaped like a broken shack and went inside the back door. When he walked in, he was amazed. The room was well furnished, and was huge, and that was just the lobby. He could see multiple meeting rooms, along with an elevator that apparently went up, but the building was very small... He looked back and saw that the doorway was simply a empty metal door frame in the middle of the room. He immediately ran over to the desk where an attractive lady was standing. "What is going on? How did I get in here? Why is everything so big when the building is so small? Am I in an alternate reality? Where can I go for help? Why did you guys hire me? What's going on?" he said. She looked at him calmly and said in a robotic voice, "Are you Max Winslow?". She... or it... promptly scanned him with some robotic feature in her eye and said, "Indeed you are. please go to conference room B4.". He located the room, walked over to the door, and opened the door. He gasped at the sight of what he saw. "It is HUGE!" He said in awe. Chapter 4 Max gasped at the sight of the large aircraft cairier suspended in the middle of the room. It was so big! People were walking around on it and inspecting it, talking among themselves. "Oh, you're here! Glad to meet you, Max! I'll need you guys to leave the room, OK? Bye!". The aircraft carrier disipated into a mass of green boards, which retracted into the wall, without wires or pistons. "Ho-" "Do you do that? Well it's simply a mix of antigravity fabrications and guided gravity particles, you know, small, gasious, portable anti-gravity streams? Oh, we didn't release those yet.". By then, all the boards were retracted into the wall and the room turned into a normal meeting room with a desk that flipped out of the ground, along with a chair. Max sat down. "My name is Adeodatus. What would you like to know?" Max thought for a couple secounds. "First off, why do you want me to work for you guys? I'm not even very smart!" "Well," Adeodatus said, "We have been tracking your brain activity,(As he said this, Max immediately felt a tingle in his scalp) and you seem to have quite a knack for things. You actually are one of the smartest people, and it remains a mystery why you havn't actually shown you intellegence. Your creativity, however, is one of the other reasons." "What do you do to help the earth?" Max said inquisitively. "The world will be destroyed in a matter of decades. In thirteen years, a new weapon will be discovered when an earthquake we cannot control but foresee will break open a deposit of Amantitum, an element that would be able to destroy massive amounts of land and actually dismantle space itself. It will eventually be discovered, there is no way to help that from happening. There are so many other threats, such as in two years after the earthquake, there will be a disaster that could bring society to its knees. Eventually life will be destroyed. We are trying to prevent the potential breakdown, but as we call it, "The Collapse". We need a lot of help, yet must be in secret because if anyone would get their hands on our current technology, they could bring "The Collapse" on us before we could react. it is inevitable, but we could do something if we really needed to. Only the president of the WAotE and I know about it, of coarse. If anyone else did, they would freak out and hate us forever. We shan't let that happen, eh?" "How do you know this stuff about the disasters?" Adeodatus replied, "There are some things so predictable by means of sismic activity and the past events. The past reveals most things to us, and hasn't misleaded us yet. Now I will need you to leave. I have other important matters to attend to. It is getting late, so go to the Green Floor, room 78. Your room is there. Now get some sleep and wrap your mind around what you have heard." Chapter 5 Max headed to his room after his long day. After this startling news about the world being destroyed by some events, and that if this association did nothing, he would never be 50 years old. He was extremely excited about all the technology he saw. The holographic / anti-gravity steam aircraft carrier, the door that lead to the lobby that seemed to extend space, and the robotic desk attendant... He didn't know what to expect in his room! He got to the door and saw no lock or anything, and opened it without any ID. He reached for the door behind him, and was promptly shocked, and a robotic voice echoed inside his head "Do not go into other people's rooms. Thank you." He opened the door to find... A simple room, much like the many hotel rooms that he stayed in. But when he sat down on the bed, it was the most comfortable thing he ever sat down on. It was like a pillow, but even more squishy. He lay down, not even caring about the clothes he was wearing, and noticed his alarm clock. He decided to switch the alarm to 5:00, as he was supposed to be in the test chamber at 6:00. After he set the clock, it displayed "Sleep time". It said "Custom time", and "Present". He pressed "Present" and immediately fell asleep. He woke up at 5:00 sharp without any alarm or noise. He got in the shower, which was apparently normal, but there was no shampoo. The water apparently had some in it, as his hair was still lathering. He dressed himself in a normal uniform, and walked over to the test chamber. "They're waiting for you, Gordan. In the test chamber." a scientinst near him said to Max. "I'm not Gordan..." "Thats right. You look a lot the same. He just got here from New Mexico you know. That government research facility. Black Mesa? yeah, he doesn't talk much, does he. Yeah, he's a great person." "He talks too much, doesn't he." another scientist walking past told him. He walked into the testing area, the scientist behind him still rambling. Chapter 6 "Ah, our new helper!" Adeodatus exclaimed loudly. "I'll show you a couple projects we are working on, most just concerning you." They walked side by side past many rooms with glass windows, some one-way due the the black tint. They walked past a large testing chamber with mounds of salt on one side of the wall, and an elephant floating in the middle. "What is.." "That's nothing at all, really. Just some minor chemistry-biology crossovers. Nothing too important." They walked down a level, with many people in a large room on computers. "This is the identity protection room, protecting the identity of the people and facility. from being compromised. To the other side is the cybotic weapons testing area... you'll be using some of those in due time...""Wait, what?" Max said, surprised. Adeodatus turned on the spot, and ushered Max into a small conference room and shut the door. "Your job, Max, is not to be a normal scientist as these are, but-" But you said I was smart! Amazing! Intelligent!" Max exclaimed. "These things you are! You are going to help us with other things. Things on the field to help us. Assassinate those who oppose us. Destroy the things we need." "Well, Max said, "I'm not to strong... I never really work out! I'm just a normal collage student. I don't do any sports unless you consider playing video games a sport!" "Exactly." Adeodatus said. We don't need the strength, as it can be added onto you. What we need is the brains, which cannot be added onto you. See this suit?" he said, pointing across the hallway through the window to a suit in a glass case. "That, my dear friend, is the Cytronic Artificial Muscle Outfit, or the CAMO for short. That was the first one, not as good as the recent breakthroughs we have in the cytronic development center. Let's take a look," Adeodatus said, ushering Max out the door and down the hall. And remember about FEEDBACK FOR FEEDBACK. The feedback really helps with my "budding" writing skills. Subscribers: dawesbr Astrosimi Drakon136 Facio a novus orbis est subvertio an vetus unus. By the way, look for clues to future storyline for this story and the next.

2009-10-27 02:43:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Cool title, and uber-cool intro, though...how the hell are you meant to continue this story?! I'm intrigued!

2009-10-27 02:45:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Maybe its an epilogue as a prologue? OR IS IT? BTW new "sneak peek"

2009-10-27 02:54:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Cool sneak peek, subscribe me please, also, I need sleep D:

2009-10-27 03:07:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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YOUR SOUL has been added to my collection.

2009-10-27 13:33:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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I felt a tug on MY SOUL, so I came to read the latest chapter, and was glad I did! Good chapter :3

2009-10-28 01:38:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Any feedback? I am constantly trying to improve my writing, so any positive or non-flaming negative feedback would be appreciated. The feedback helped last time! I noticed myself rushing the point once or twice, so I added some more explaining not to rush it now.

2009-10-28 02:05:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Ahhh, feedback. OK, two things - 1, separate it into paragraphs for better flow and easy reading, 2, the ending was slightly sudden "And then, something was in his lap" should maybe be less sudden, say, "Max was snapped out of his reverie (sp?) by the sudden appearance of something in his lap"?

2009-10-28 02:10:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Thanks! And I know how much you like clues and mysteries... try finding what the main reason of destruction is? And quotes help teach the future, just an FWI.

2009-10-28 02:15:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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New chapter, and goodnight. I may be answering questions or commenting a little, but for the most part, thats it for the night.

2009-10-28 03:09:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Cool chapter, the paragraphs DEFINITELY make this so much better, it's now really really good! But the real question is, Not male friend undoubted upon re uncertain cernitur?

2009-10-28 13:11:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Uh... I must of done something wrong... but you get the real translation in your PM box.

2009-10-28 21:44:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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I think I was the one who did something wrong, I used an online translator :-D-:

2009-10-28 21:58:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Two face smiley! Nice! Well I did too, but two wrongs don't = a right.

2009-10-28 22:08:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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New chapter! It leaves you at another cliffhanger...

2009-11-03 03:08:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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NIce lost reference, seems to be getting good so far! Sign me up for subscription!

2009-11-03 04:56:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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Feedback Pros: -Well thought of. -Good grammar. -Keeps the reader guessing. Cons: -Some details left out. Hope it helps.

2009-11-03 05:11:00 Author: CyberSora Posts: 5551

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"It is HUGE!" Fnarr Fnarr (man I love Viz) Anyway, new chapter, new chapter, err: +OMG crazy science stuff +Robots! +Lost reference -Lack of some description Good chapter, though. I haven't watched it, but I presume the Warehouse District 13A and the T.A.R.D.I.S effect both come from Warehouse 13?

2009-11-03 09:27:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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I wasn't thinking of Warehouse 13, In fact, I havn't even heard of it! But I guess it's a refrence now. And THANKS for the feedback. Astrosimi, YOUR SOUL now belongs to me.

2009-11-03 21:15:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Well, as I understand it, Warehouse 13 is about a warehouse that is miles and miles big, filled with boxes and boxes and crates and containers that all have weird scientific stuff in. I'm not sure, I don't watch it EDIT: The first warehouse was first built in 1898 and designed by Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla and MC Escher. As the name suggests, there have been twelve incarnations of the warehouse prior to the one in South Dakota. It is revealed in "Nevermore" that they all ended up getting burned. One of the oldest warehouses was at the Library of Alexandria. Throughout history, the warehouse has moved to whatever country has the most power at the time (Mesopotamia, Rome, Russia, England, etc.).[1] Many artifacts and technologies featured in Warehouse 13 bear resemblance to the type often featured in the steampunk genre. Taken from wikipedia. Sounds even more like a reference now

2009-11-03 21:31:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Sounds like a good show... who knew my accidental reference would bring me to find a new show to watch? -Fate is delicious, chezhead

2009-11-04 00:09:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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I'm loving your sign-offs, chez, they remind me of The Sign Painter from World Of Goo. -Goo-references stick, dawes

2009-11-04 00:18:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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My mom loves that game. She's just getting into games via Steam. And yes, i love those sign-offs too. Just something to recognize me by. It is hard to remember to add them. -First comment on them, chezhead

2009-11-04 01:09:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Aha, my mum hates all videogames except Solitaire and Minesweeper -Remember the classics, dawes

2009-11-04 01:35:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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My mom likes puzzle games and mystery games. She's played and beaten all the Nancy Drew games. She despises FPSs and anything killing related. -Sign-offs are contagious, chezhead

2009-11-04 01:43:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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My mum can't stand any form of videogames. It's a shame, really, they can be incredibly productive. I've learned a lot from videogames, and my reaction time is way better because of them. I also have great dexterity in my fingers. -Fingeral-dextrousness is the bomb, dawes

2009-11-04 01:49:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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My mum can't stand any form of videogames. It's a shame, really, they can be incredibly productive. I've learned a lot from videogames, and my reaction time is way better because of them. I also have great dexterity in my fingers. -Fingeral-dextrousness is the bomb, dawes I am double jointed in my thumbs! And yes, I think that some video games like LittleBigplanet, Roblox, and other creative games help intellectual growth. FPSs rot brain cells, apparently. -And I believe it, chezhead

2009-11-04 01:55:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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New chapter is very FTW. The only beef is I'm finding it hard to see who is talking at times. -Does not know why he is signing off, Astro

2009-11-04 04:12:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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I had some fun with this chapter: "It was so big!", Fnarr Fnarr. Good chapter, I liked it, though as Astro said it can be difficult to see who said what. Put new speeches in separate lines and maybe some identifiers. -That's what she said, dawes

2009-11-04 12:23:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Yeah, I was thinking about putting those, but I didn't want a lot of He said She said Max told him. But I guess the feedback helps. I'll be working on that later. -Less is sometimes more, chezhead

2009-11-04 22:08:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Try and mix it up a bit, not just "said" and "told" - "exploded" for a shouty phrase is good "screamed" "groaned" "asked" etc., or just have a short description of what the person who said it is doing "My back hurts." Andrew rubbed his spine thoroughly, trying to alleviate the pain. So it's clear that Andrew said it. -Synonyms are your friend, dawes

2009-11-04 22:13:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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NEW CHAPTER! This one has a Half-life reference, and you can't go wrong with those!

2010-01-01 04:45:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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This is a pretty good story so far! Subscribe me please.

2010-01-01 08:07:00 Author: Drakora Posts: 392

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YOUR SOUL has been added to my collection. (AKA YOUR SUBSCRIPTION for you people that don't know the newest author lingo.)

2010-01-01 18:25:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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I thought it was really good, the bits with the technologies were cool and I liked the HL references. Thanks! I like adding those little references, and it gives the story a whole new funniness.

2010-01-06 00:47:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Nice new chapter! That sure was one big plot twist!

2010-01-17 21:59:00 Author: Drakora Posts: 392

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Just a quickie before bed (I've got English Orals GCSE tomorrow so I really should be sleeping) I loved the new chapter, it could do with paragraphing (esp. at new pieces of speech) and sorting out typos, but overall I loved it and want to read more

2010-01-19 00:49:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Likewise. I like the concept of this shadow corporation that's liek the saviour of everything, yet you have these hints that imply there's mroe than meets the eye to them.

2010-01-19 20:52:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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