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Serious (Life-changing) Problem - Please Read. URGENT.

Archive: 51 posts

Firstly, thanks for reading this through and taking the time to respond, if you do so. This is a very serious matter and could even be life-changing for me. It is also a very long matter, so don't be alarmed. But please, I implore you, give it a read. I very much need your help.

So, it's like this. I'm 14, I go to Secondary School in central Birmingham, England. I'm actually placed a year above my age, and that may have some relevance to this whole thing.

Now, the trouble is with my school. Last year, I had major problems coping with school, because...well...it wasn't challenging enough. Hell, I had something like 40% attendance rates from Year 7-9 because of long-term illness, and still placed near the top of every subject. It comes across as really immodest, but it's very important to this whole thread.

Anyway, I was beginning to hate school. Every day felt like 95% wasted time - not that I could have been lazing at home, but that I was only learning 5% of what I COULD learn in a day. I seriously looked at changing schools to somewhere more challenging, or even home-schooling (which was looked at by my parents, but I turned down quickly.)

In the end, it all petered out. I still find lessons a bit slow, but I get by. I still hate it on the most part, though.

Now for the real core of the issue. It's an upper middle class school, Public/private (one of the two), with the large majority of students coming from wealthy families. This means that a lot of the boys seem to feel the need to act really hard and be...how to put this in "U" terms...jerks.

There are 125 boys per year, and, in my year, I'd say I despise the living hell out of 40 of them. Stuck up, rude, and irritating, they have the morals of a serial killer, and are constantly trying to impress each other by bullying others, beating others and EACH other up, and generally being aggressive. What I find even more irritating is they don't even do a single bit of work - for a school where the parents of the students pay exorbitant amounts for the students to go there, they should darn well do at least one piece of work. Instead, they cheat their way through the exams with an open textbook under their desk.

So I'm the one kid who's a bit different, because, to me, my morals and principles are the most important thing in the world. Nothing gets me more riled up than a selfish delinquent who has no manners and treats everyone like dogs. As such, any time I see one of these self-dubbed "popular" people bullying a fellow student, I will go out of my way to try and get said student out of there (by some excuse or whathaveyou), or, when one of the "populars" tries to engage in conversation with me (to the end of mocking me, as I naively let them first do) I tell them to their face what I think of them - that they are "despicable" - a word that fits them greatly (as you'll soon probably agree) - and so forth.

As you can probably guess, they now don't like me much. I've become a sort of focus of their efforts, though I'm strong-willed enough to brush them off. However, I truly cannot stand being anywhere near people like that (having 30% of the people you're with all day being despicable when your morals are all that matter to you is tough), and it was one of the driving forces behind my argument for leaving the school (which, as I say, petered out).

Now to divulge slightly, to something that is again important to this whole thing. My school runs a "Friday Afternoon Activity" scheme, whereby for an hour and a half after lunch on a Friday, students partake in an activity of their choice. The main options are Army, Navy, RAF...and Leadership. I myself chose Leadership, seeing it as an opportunity to learn new skills that would come into great use in later life - the main idea is to teach teamwork, and, well, leadership.

Unfortunately for me, a large amount of the "populars" chose to do it to. At an estimate off the top of my head, out of the 40 boys doing Leadership, I'd say between 12 and 16 are among those whom I despise.

It was actually Leadership that led me to hate them. We began Leadership one year ago (before then it was a rota of activities), and before then I had merely said the occasional word about them (being away for so long ill, I barely had chance to voice my concerns).

As for the reasons I hate them because of Leadership, I'll give a couple of examples. They constantly try and cheat at games, stealing the items given to other teams, etc., in order to try and win. For someone with a mindset like me, this is bad enough, but it does get worse. The teachers of Leadership (actually Sixth Year boys), didn't reprimand them from the start. This has led to their cheating getting out of hand.

The moment where I really lost faith in them, and really in my school year as a whole (and possibly my generation too, but we'll see in twenty years) is a very clear one. As the final event in one afternoon, we were to play a game of capture the flag.

It sounds innocent enough, but it was far from it. The rules were simple - two flags on each side, whoever has the most flags on their side at the end, wins. We were also all given plastic strips that you normally wear like a shoulder bag strap to tuck into our trousers, which, when grabbed and pulled out by someone from the other team, would send you off the pitch, where you would have to perform a task before you got back in.

It ended in a furore. 20 boys at each side, and, like a scene from an ancient war film, they all charged each other. I hung back, but eventually ran in, hoping to sneak my way through and grab a flag. I ended up facing another guy, on the opposite team. One of the "populars". He goes boxing about 6 times a week, so I know he's strong, so I'm pretty bad off, but, through quick dodging and a lot of luck, I ended up with his tag in my hand. I gave it to him to walk back with - and he pulled my tag out.

Of course, the teachers had no idea, so I was forced off alongside him...but he turned around after 5 paces and went back, the teacher having moved on.

By this point, with my view of the school year as a whole changing, I was raging inside. While sitting off the pitch, I witnessed people kicking other people down, 3 people jumping on one guy at once - and not playfully, but violently. At first, there was no way I was going out there, but eventually I did, after much persuading by my brother.

I instantly regretted it. I was facing the same guy again, but nothing prepared me for what came next. This..."jerk" rushed me, kicked the back of my shins to get me to the ground, and shoved me to the ground with his knee in my back. Now, maybe normally I could have dodged out the way, but I was just in shock that someone would actually kick me in the shins, over a goddam game of Capture the Flag!

So there I was, little old me with my view of my fellow students corrupted by hatred. I stormed off, shouting about how ridiculous it all was, with some...choice language thrown in. My shouts of ..."something" cheats and "I quit this...something...option!" are still points of teasing from the "populars", though I can easily brush them off.

Anyway, maybe you understand what these people are like. Over nothing more than a game of capture the flag, they will cheat ruthlessly, cause you bodily harm to gain an advantage - hell, these guys started a "fight club" where they beat each other up after school (and before those amongst you say that it wouldn't have been anything more than playground fighting, they would come into the school with black eyes etc. the next day).

So now we come to today. I'm in school, and looking for a mate in all of the form rooms, when another mate calls me over. He says that he heard that "x and y were planning on roughing me up". From "roughing me up", I assume they'd spread the rumour that I had organised a fight with them after school, and, under the pressure of everyone expecting a fight, I'd turn up.

So I go and see "x". I ask him what he's planning to do. He hides it at first, grinning it off with his oh-so-self-important grin, until, after much pressure from myself, he divulges a few choice pieces of information.

It's going to happen in two days time. Tomorrow, we're meant to be leaving for a Leadership expedition weekend (until late Saturday), and "x" tells me that "in a classroom [around 20 people, I'd guess], this one person made a suggestion [he wouldn't say] and all the people from Leadership laughed and agreed." He went on to suggest that they have something BIG planned for me on the Saturday. He wouldn't warn me what, because he'd "lose a laugh."

So that's the situation I'm in. I don't know what is planned, but it could be anywhere between shaving a strip of my hair off while I sleep, or just a few of them coming in at night and starting to beat me up. Either way, I can't defend myself - if I stay awake until they come in, it'll end up with the latter option (let's face it - I can handle myself OK, but 5 v. 1 (at a guess) doesn't sound good).

I've tried to speak with the head of the Leadership option, but can't get through to him. At the moment, I'm at about 90% quitting the expedition (learning teamwork with these guys is pointless anyway), 70% leaving Leadership altogether, and 40% leaving my school entirely.

So I ask you, what do you think? Knowing the facts, what are your opinions on this all? Should I not go on the exped? Should I quit the option, and just deflect their jeers as I have up to now? Should I leave the school (I'd have to wait until the end of this year), and find a sixth form college where I'd be better off? Should I do something else entirely?

Please, help me, and thank you for reading this ridiculously long post. It's a very serious matter, and I hope someone on here will give this a read.

2009-09-17 21:08:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Oh man, that is real tough and a darn hard choice. I know exactly the kind of people you're on about and they are just jerks. Unfortuanatly I can't really suggest much of an option. Personally I would still go... probably. Though if it doesn't go towards anything, and nothing bad would happen from not going I probably wouldn't.

2009-09-17 21:27:00

Author:
ryryryan

Posts: 3767

Thanks for reading it, Ryan.

The main problem is, I don't know what'll happen, but I would bet good money on embarrassing and/or violent. Something along the lines of a shaving, or indiscrimanate photographs etc. seems about right.

Another problem is sort of related to how I opened my epic post - that I feel the learning is too slow. With the "populars" lack of interest (they see it as a "doss" option), we effectively learn...nothing. They actively present learning. Here's another example.

We had to make a school calendar of "life at [school]". The group I was in was quite a good group (luckily), and we took it quite seriously - students at work, having fun etc. The others' calendars (all influenced/controlled by the "populars") were all, and I mean all focussed on bullying. Their were three photos of people laughing at others on the toilet. One of a group of them pretending to stuff another's head DOWN said toilet. You get the drift. And then we were meant to present them, y'know, give a couple of sentences on each picture and why it represents our school. So I begin our presentation, saying what the picture is, and as soon as I try to give the two-sentence explanation (which is all a load of baloney anyway), everyone laughs and begins a chant of "Batty Boy," purely because I was the only one who took an active interest in my own education and was trying to learn how to speak to crowds. The teachers (6 of them there) didn't even do a GODDAM THING. Honestly, this sort of stuff probably makes it harder, because I end up associating public speeches with humiliation.

Anyway, seeing as they hinder learning, I'm seriously considering leaving the option. It's also one of the main reasons I'm considering leaving the school. There's certainly no point going on the expeds if all I get is taunting, a major prank being pulled on me that may or not contain violence and will be highly offensive, something of which I am certain, and absolutely no learning at all.

2009-09-17 21:37:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

I honestly would vote for the leaving that school option. It seems to make little sense to stay there if you learn nothing and you classmates are more interested in bullying others ie you.
However, it's very hard to say if it would be any better on another school. (Judging by your posts, it can't be any worse. So that's good in a way)
But I really can't say whether that is really a good option, as I don't know how easy to change school in your area.

You are in really messed up situation there, I'm afraid and I'm not in the situation to give you an advice.

What do your parents say? Or your friends?

2009-09-17 21:42:00

Author:
Syroc

Posts: 3193

I haven't really told many friends inside school, however I have been told by people outside school to (this is a direct quote from a text): "They sound so nasty. You should really try to do something about it. I'm scared for you even if you aren't! Don't go on the expedition." And that's one of the less vehement texts she sent.

As for parents, they know (well, my dad's not home from work, but he'll know soon enough). We're trying to contact the head of the option, but at the moment, my mum, in a way that is typically her, is saying that I should go in prepared to go on the expedition tomorrow and they'll see what they can do. Basically the opposite of what I want her to say.

As for switching school, I'd have to finish this year off, then transfer to a sixth form college somewhere, something not that hard to do. However, I have a lot of good friends at my current school, and I'm hoping but by the end of this year (17, for chrissake, that's nearly a full-blown adult! If the world is run by people like this in 15 years time, I'm signing up for a cryogenics chamber.) they'll have matured and be more like human beings.

2009-09-17 21:48:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

wow - that really is some serious decision making to be done. Well, I can't tell you what to do and your intelligent enough to know that. (14 - really? You really seem much older on the internet. lol) I can tell you that people like your entitled, snotty, self-absorbed, and selfish classmates are everywhere in this world and you will have plenty of opportunities to learn how to deal with them in your own way.

The best advice I can offer is - based on what you want to do with your life, your goals, your aspirations both career wise, educartion wise and personally - how will each of your options affect these things? Will staying in this school increase your chances of getting into a good college or not? Will having the kind of education your receiving there help you later in life or not?

There are no "right" answers for decisions like these. You can only weigh each option and see what could be the result from that choice.

I have to say though that some of the most successful and smart people in this world have been exactly where you are. Ridiculed for having morals and belittled and abused for sticking to them. The experience, while horrible, can make you a stronger person in the long run but only you can decide if the price for that possibility is too high.

2009-09-17 21:48:00

Author:
Morgana25

Posts: 5983

Thanks for the thoughtful post, Morgana. Being in the situation that I'm in, my future career is a bit muddled (I mean the fact that I changed years). Most people/teachers expect me to take a gap year anyway, and it is quite possible I will take two to allow me to explore my possibilities. As for whether this school is right for me, that again is very complicated. For GCSEs, which I take in a few months, I have to stay at this school, which, I have been told, gives me guaranteed 9 A*s, most like 10. Following that, mine is the first year that the school begins "IB" - international baccalaureate. It looks better on UCAS applications etc., but I don't know how well the school will teach it (several students are actually leaving only to take A-levels somewhere else.)

2009-09-17 21:54:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Morgana got in before me but I agree with him. I think you need to look at what you personally want from life. Your 14 so that makes you...year 9? maybe 10? either way your about to hit SATs (if your in year 9) GCSEs then college/6th form/whatever (or maybe you head to college for GCSEs, the British education system is British so therefore it's not straight forward).
You should write how the decisions will effect your life, what you have to do to make the decision happen, how easy it is, the likeliness of it, etc. Weigh it all up.

2009-09-17 21:54:00

Author:
adlingtont

Posts: 321

adlingtont, I was moved up a year, and am a very young 14 year old (my birthday is AFTER the end of term, meaning I finish A-levels/IB (secondary education) at 16), meaning I take my GCSEs this year. I have to finish them off at my current school no matter what. The British system does include dedicated sixth form colleges for post-GCSE students.

2009-09-17 21:58:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Sorry I missed that bit. I do want to say congratulations though, I've started my 2nd year of college and I'm 17 and to be honest I find it quite tough. You seem to have a great intelligence and find it easy

I used to have some 'jerks' in my secondary school too. Not as bad as yours from what you've described but from my experience once you get to college/6th form things get better as it becomes optional education.

2009-09-17 22:03:00

Author:
adlingtont

Posts: 321

That isn't good. AT ALL.
People always tell me to just ignore people like that and seeing they will get no reaction from you, they will stop.
But this is different, since it was an action, not just someone being bored, wanting to pick on someone.

Just focus on the good, and try not letting this get you too down. in a couple years, the people kicking and beating you up will be garbage men, while you will be in collage, doing something more important, fun, and good.

Other then just toughing it out, I don't have any other advise.

2009-09-17 22:04:00

Author:
chezhead

Posts: 1063

Sorry to hear that dawesbr, it's an awful situation.

I can't really tell you what to do as I'm no expert on stuff like this but as far as the immediate problem goes if you have some friends who are going to be with you I'd try to make sure you all watch each other's backs as much as possible and stick close together ( safety in numbers so to speak ). If that's not possible I'd approach a teacher/s or whoever is supposed to be in charge and tell them if anything happens you will hold them personally responsible and will sue them if they make no effort to prevent it. That may be enough to make them sit up and take notice.

Either way I would definitely report them and the school to the authorities as this sort of thing cannot be tolerated in today's society and I would look at moving to a 'proper' school as this one sounds like it's being run and populated by complete jerks.

I speak a little from experience as I was in a similar situation at my last school. I was bullied relentlessly because I just wanted to learn and was ridiculed constantly for it. Unfortunately I did nothing about it and and basically gave up trying to learn anything so as not to 'stand out'. That was the biggest mistake of my life as I ended up with next to no qualifications and have since had a series of dead end jobs and no success career wise at all. I should have stood up to them or asked to go to another school ( although it was harder to do then as we had no rights to speak of like you do nowadays ).

I can't tell you what's best for you but I can tell you that doing nothing is the worst possible thing. You must do something !!

I don't know your family situation but if your parents care about you they should take it on themselves to speak to the school authorities and threaten them with legal action if things don't change.

2009-09-17 22:08:00

Author:
mistervista

Posts: 2210

This is an awful situation indeed. I'd probably reccomend leaving the school if you can. Where you're currently going isn't a good learning environment, and you're really going to end up hurting yourself and your own education by staying. I'd also see what you can do to nail these suckers. What they're doing is vile, and they could use a good kick in the pants if you know what i mean. Obviously the school authority is full of fail, but what about their parents? Or your parents for that matter, don't let yourself get hurt because of other morons. Leaving isn't running away, its standing up for your principles of higher education and not taking crap from people who don't deserve your respect.

2009-09-17 22:13:00

Author:
Burnvictim42

Posts: 3322

I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd have to find another school. Also, I probably wouldn't bother going to the expedition... What they're planning to do to you is completely snide and cowardly. 5 vs 1 is never on. Its not called chickening out. You can't give them what they're looking for.
Its generally close to impossible to deal with these situations yourself, if you try to articulate with words... they think you're challenging them and they articulate with fists.
Is there anyone you can talk to in the school. Any teachers you share a good trust with, or the principle? Maybe the school has an underground gass chamber for these kinda people

If they honestly can't do anything to solve your dilemma, then even the administration fails... and then perhaps changing school would be a wiser decision.

I guess I was lucky in school. I went to a very small irish speaking school. By the end, my year had only 25 or so students. All of whom I was on friendly terms with. Half of them are some of my best friends. Even the lads from rougher areas were down to earth and genuinely nice people... No stuck up posh jocks like you've described >_>
The teachers were really involved too. Each teacher pretty much got to know every student in their class, even the ones outside of their classes.
The weird thing is, I've continued the trend by going to a fairly small Art College, with a diverse group of students.

My point is, if you're choosing another school, you'll have to think about a lot of things. Maybe since your school is populated with rich kids, lots of them are spoilt and bored and really haven't got a good reason to work hard.
I'm not familiar with the education system in England, so I'm no use there

However, I personally wouldn't like to get taught at home. You might have a more personal and direct connection with your tutor, but school is important for shaping your social life... even if you end up in the middle of a conflict, the experience is important.

Heavy decisions indeed, but think it through step by step, and talk to people about it. Peoples opinions online can be helpful, but its better to talk to people you know and trust.

2009-09-17 22:55:00

Author:
Pitcard

Posts: 779

Tough spot, dude. Chances of managing to capture the "incident" on video when it goes down? If they're planning on doing something as you sleep, perhaps you'll at least have time to flip on a light so a strategically placed, already recording device can catch the whole thing. Not much to argue with there as far as evidence goes.

I know the situation though. It's never easy, but I can't advise you to back down entirely; that'll only make matters worse in the long run. Am I suggesting you martyr yourself instead? Not at all. Just lay low, do your best to act as if you're not bothered by the impending attack, make you're worries known to adults, and do your best not to get seriously injured. In the end, people will realize you were telling the truth and hopefully that puts a stop to this nonsense.

But let me make myself absolutely clear: make sure you tell any and every adult that will listen to your situation. In the end, we're just a bunch of people on the internet that hope you get through this. The ones physically close to you will get you through. Good luck, mate.

2009-09-17 23:04:00

Author:
supersickie

Posts: 1366

How does school work in England? Sorry for the question, I'm just really lost at whats being said. Adlingtont said he was 17 and on his second year of college. I won't even start college until I'm 18-19. Again, sorry, maybe I'm just missing something.

But on-topic, I wouldn't go on this expedition. These guys are exactly the kind of people I hate. I've never actually been bullied(?) that I can remember, but I have had some names and such thrown at me. Maybe this is luck, or maybe I'm just of no interest to them. At my last school I really had lost hope for anyone there as they were all real jerks. But luckily I've started high school now and since its much bigger than my old school, I never see any of them now. I seem to be going off-topic, but if I was in this situation, like I said before, I wouldn't go on this expedition. And if this was serious enough I'd really consider changing schools, and quick. Though it doesn't sound like you'd be able to make a quick change at that. And the staff at your school sounds like it really needs some major adjustments. I think that part of the reason for me never have really been bullied is that I've always gotten some really good teachers, so even that is a reason for leaving this school.

Oh, and why don't you just quit this Leadership thing? Unless I misunderstood it only sounds like an option, not a requirement. I think this may have been mentioned earlier, so sorry if I again misunderstood.

2009-09-17 23:06:00

Author:
Shris

Posts: 126

Sorry to hear about your struggles. In honesty, I haven't read all the responses, but I have the OP in mind when I issue the following words:

It's unfortunate that in an atmosphere that is supposed to foster growth and learning for each individual, you are being exposed to the harsh realities of the "real world". It may be even more shocking in that you are a year younger than all of these boys (not men). Unfortunately, life isn't fair. In fact, it's **** frustrating. The good news that I'll offer to you is that you'll eventually come out of this a stronger person. It's important that you understand (which you appear to from your story) that they are at fault, not you. Many young students (well, not that young) will often slide into depressive states when they are taunted by their peers as such. They will feel like they are truly different, weird, an outcast etc., and will blame themselves. It's important that you understand that you've done nothing wrong. Stay strong and continue to be yourself.

Clearly confronting them isn't working. That old cliche about standing up to bullies is just irresponsible to suggest. These kids are obviously bigger than you and they have some carnal desire to show that to others. Nothing you do will change their beliefs (however misguided they may be), so alternative methods must be considered.

From your story, it's clear to me that the problem stems from a lack of authority. It is also evident that the older students that are "in charge" of your leadership [thingy] are in no position to deal out such authority. I'm actually quite shocked that they are given such control. It may not be the most desirable solution, but you really must express these thoughts to someone of actual authority. If you don't feel comfortable going to a professor/teacher/whatever, go straight to the headmaster/principle/whatever. Oftentimes, these exchanges can be difficult if handled by just meeting with the person and trying to get it all out verbally. This is what I would suggest:

Take the time to write out something like what you've written here (maybe even a copy-paste). Explain to this authority figure the type of hardships you are facing, and try to express to him that clearly your circumstances are out-of-the-norm. This isn't just some teenage angst plea for attention - you are having real life struggles that you are unable to handle them on your own.

Then, send him/her this "letter" and schedule a meeting to speak with him/her about it. Or, even just take the letter and show it to them. The way I see it, if you've taken the time to write it all out, they have a duty to listen to what you are trying to say. Also, in this manner, you will avoid forgetting points that you otherwise would have forgotten.

It may seem like you will just be harassed more by talking to someone of authority, but you have to consider that these people are there for a reason. They are there to resolve these types of issues. Do not be afraid to ask for help. It's a lot to ask of yourself to try to get through this alone.

Hope you get it sorted sooner than later.

Edit: Have you expressed any of this to your parents. If you haven't expressed these things to them yet, you really need to clear the air. I'm sure they would be more than happy to help you, especially if you handle it as maturely as you've done here.

2009-09-17 23:09:00

Author:
comphermc

Posts: 5338

Leaving is not a matter of morals but of practicality, in truth. I've had a hard time building up the many friendships I now have, having only effectively done 3 years total at a school in which I'm currently in Fifth year (due to long-term illness), and probably because of this I enjoy the people more...most of them.

As for the "they'll be garbagemen" approach (which I have thought about, trust me), I don't believe it. These are the people that will blag themselves through to some near-to-6-figure salary job, and so on, probably still keeping an economics textbook open under the conference table.

mistervista, as for the change to a "proper" school statement, to the public and parents eyes my school is one of the top. In fact it is (I think) top 3 West Midlands, top...10? 25? Countrywide. That doesn't change the fact that the administration is far to lenient on its students - a boy pulled a razor blade on another and threatened to slice his neck. Suspended. For the rest of the day (3 more periods). Not even a detention! The same kid downed fifty paracetomol at once a year later. He was in hospital for a few days, then back at school. Get in a fight? Slight telling off. Leave your top shirt button undone 3 times? Detention. How's that for ridiculous.

Pitcard, you seem to be very in-tune with my own thinking. My primary school's final year consisted of such 30/40 people, and that was probably the best year of my life. I still got the work done, but engaged in great friendships and had good fun at the same time. I was friends with, I'd say... 35 out of the 40? I'm still friends with a few now, even though I barely ever see them. Home-schooling is a definite last resort, I was very against it from the start.

To all:

I just packed for the expeds with the full intention of not going. We have not managed to contact anyone in charge of the option, but my brother (who finished teaching my year for Leadership last year) told me that the head of the option was itching to kick many of the boys out, because of behaviour like that which I have described. Still, I see no point in going, but my mum is practically forcing me to pack and go in just in case the head of the option convinces me to go.

Shrish, it goes:

Mandatory education
5-11, Primary school
11-16, Secondary school

Voluntary education
16-18, Sixth form (either at a secondary school or a "Sixth form college")
Any age above, University.

For me it's a little complicated as I was moved up a year.

As for school transfer, we actually looked at another local school when I considered leaving earlier. I'm still not sure about it.

Compher, thanks for the long post. I agree with what you said, and will perhaps email the head of the option what I've said here, to some extent. As for the other parts of your post, I agree wholeheartedly. I am strong-minded enough to know not to confront them, and I know that they still have a slight (misguided) fear of the teachers. I can handle them as individuals or pairs easily enough, maybe even fight them off if they get out of hand in the future, but as a collective, I'm...well...not in a good position. Definitely not a good idea to directly confront them.

Phew, that took a while to write! New posts kept appearing as I finished!

EDIT:

In response to your edit, yes, I have told them. See the bit in this post entitled "to all".

2009-09-17 23:13:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

That sounds like a terrible situation to be in dawesbr. I really feel for you. Actually, though, this is something which at your age you should not have to cope with alone. You really need to get your parents involved. It's what they?re there for after all, to look after your interests! If the school cares about its reputation (and its bottom line!) it will not want to be seen as condoning bullying. Your parents should see the Head and try to get this whole thing resolved. I know that is not an easy option either but without some action being taken you are going to spend the next year having to look over your shoulder all the time and that?s not a good situation to be in.

The only other thing I can say is that, from personal experience, it does all get a bit better in the sixth form. Everyone grows up a little! And university is even better, although if you go to Oxford or Cambridge you will find that there will still be a quota of public school jerks. However, they will at least be counter-balanced by a greater number of decent people who really care about learning (as well as having a great time!).

In the short term, good luck with this weekend, whatever decision you come to! I do not think, however, that you should feel obliged to go on the expedition out of some feeling that it would cowardly not to!

EDIT: Sorry typed this and posted it before I read Comphermc's post and your response dawesbr! I agree wholeheartedly with Comphermc's advice BTW!

2009-09-17 23:18:00

Author:
shropshirelass

Posts: 1455

You're very mature for your age, and it's unfortunate that you've been picked out by these boys for exploitation.

Do they go after other kids, or just you?

-----

I know exactly what you are saying about these kids eventually getting some [undeserved] 6 figure salary because Mommy and Daddy know the President of this, and the CEO of that. It's really ****ty dumb if you ask me.

@shripshirelass's comment above - I feel that if you were to approach the head alone, they would respect you even more for the courage it takes to stand up like that. If not, then definitely have your parents help out.

2009-09-17 23:18:00

Author:
comphermc

Posts: 5338

I've spoken to the Head of Pastoral Care, and head email conversations with the chief master before about their behaviour (when considering leaving the school). Nothing much happened.

Compher, I tried to emphasise the point about why I think they chose me. They are generally jerks, being mean to everyone around, inconsiderate to the hard-working teachers, not respecting anyone, not deserving respect, and it was for these reasons that I always criticised them. I told them what I thought of them, I wouldn't just tell them the answer in class like I was constantly pestered to do, and I would darn well let them face the teachers. I think it was my initial resistance to their bullying that made them focus on me.

2009-09-17 23:28:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Dude that sucks. but i would suggest giving the trip a miss at least. And if they say stuff to you for refusing to go, try and put you down for it, say your scared, just ignore them. Stick with your mates, and if you need hep, talk to them. But don't give these guys a chance to do anything to you or give them anything against you. Stay away from them as much as you can, and if you can, stick near a teacher when they are around.

Worked for me, until i found a big friend

but you'll be fine when you ace your GCSE's and they get kicked out for teh epic fail....

Hope it goes ok though, good luck

2009-09-17 23:30:00

Author:
Unknown User

From your story, it's clear to me that the problem stems from a lack of authority. It is also evident that the older students that are "in charge" of your leadership [thingy] are in no position to deal out such authority. I'm actually quite shocked that they are given such control. It may not be the most desirable solution, but you really must express these thoughts to someone of actual authority. If you don't feel comfortable going to a professor/teacher/whatever, go straight to the headmaster/principle/whatever. Oftentimes, these exchanges can be difficult if handled by just meeting with the person and trying to get it all out verbally. This is what I would suggest:

This is exactly what I was thinking. I've witnessed this in my old secondary school, though in a different context. Vandalism and underage smoking in plain view of parents/teachers were the main issues. The principal has changed since then and from what I hear, these issues have been crushed. Sometimes these things happen so frequently that those in authority tend to become lenient and allow these things to slip by.

Obviously you can't change those who run the school, but you can try to contact them. Talk to whoever is in charge and tell them that they need to tighten things up.

I know exactly the kind of people you're talking about and wish you the best of luck in resolving this thing.

2009-09-17 23:30:00

Author:
Killian

Posts: 2575

I've spoken to the Head of Pastoral Care, and held email conversations with the chief master before about their behaviour (when considering leaving the school). Nothing much happened.

The Head of Pastoral Care started to look into it, but it all ended up going to nothing.

2009-09-17 23:46:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Well if it was an extreme then I bet childline would get the school moving but maybe it's still only for really bad stuff; the posters we have at school seem to suggest they're quite open now. To be honest I've seen rich 'jerks' but I think the reality is as you said that they will get through life because they are just rich.

I'm on my iPod so no epic speech unfortunatly but I will say a few things :

If they're rich jerks then chances are he school is good so moving probably isn't a good idea (depending on the new school).

Ccf which I guess includes leadership is a doss definatly and the 'skills' you learn are probably already held by yourself if you aren't a jerk.

Get on the teacher's backs; if they start ignoring you then you can go to the head and complain that they aren't doing heir job (we've got a few bad teachers fired that way).

2009-09-17 23:59:00

Author:
Shermzor

Posts: 1330

Seems like you've already gotten a lot of responses, but I'll weigh in anyways as it's clearly an important issue.

I've had some experience with similar issues. I guess you could say I was lucky enough to be small for my age, and these kinds of kids kinda had an understanding between them that they would feel bad bullying me. Although I still had some trouble sometimes, although I never was really bullied.
Anyways, in grade 9 (year 9 for you I guess) the new school (since it's a different school from junior high to highschool) also had a very bad issue with authority.

It was a very small school, with only a couple hundred students spanning grades 9-12, and I was with pretty much the same kids I was with in the previous year, with a couple new kids.
Anyways, the year started out fine, until people started getting very wild. There were several major thefts including a laptop, a broken arm, and holes in the walls from people punching them. I was pretty disgusted with the whole school in general, and on the day I was supposed to bring my form to renew for next year, I decided - without even telling my parents first - not to hand it in.

Anyways, long story short I ended up switching schools, and it was honestly the best decision I've ever made. A couple people from my old school also switched that I was friendly with, but I ended up making completely new friends and I've been happy at the new school for a couple years now (in my last year)!

So, from my own experience, I would definitely recommend switching schools. It might seem a little daunting - you don't know people in the new school, you don't even know if it will be better - but when things aren't going well, usually the best thing to do is to start over as fresh as you can, and there's no better way in my opinion then by switching schools.

I'd also recommend asking people you know who go to different schools what they think of their school. For me, I visited the new school for a day during my year at my bad school, once I'd decided to switch. This was also good - again it was a little daunting, because I met all these new people most of whom either didn't take much notice of me or joked around with me as a visitor. But once I actually made the switch and got to know them it was really great (by the way, this was a bigger school with about 150 kids in a grade).

I also have a good friend who was going to my current school until this year. She found herself feeling out of place in school and felt she should switch, but was really worried about it, and wasn't sure if she was making the right decision. Furthermore, she would be switching for her last year of high school, which isn't ideal.
However she made the switch and I just spoke to her the other day and she was happy with the switch - she's made new friends, and although it's very different, she's getting used to it.

So, yeah. I can't say every time you switch schools it will be a success story, but I definitely think that's the best option, and I don't think you'll regret it.

In the meantime, I wouldn't go on the expedition. It might seem like it would be seen as weak or just overall bad not to go, but it probably won't change much in the end, other than you possibly having avoided some harsh treatment.
After the expedition, whether you go or not, I'd suggest talking to an authority if it's really bothering you.

I hope things work out! Sorry to hear that the going's been tough.

2009-09-18 00:10:00

Author:
hilightnotes

Posts: 1230

edit:
(I just relised how insensiteve that was sorry).

2009-09-18 02:38:00

Author:
inferedmonkey

Posts: 76

Even though we all attend the same class- we don't all learn the same lessons.

Changing schools is not an option. You will not be escaping the insensitive jerks anytime soon, they are everywhere, they will follow you. They are world-wide. Lbp is one of the few near jerk-less places I have discovered.

So what is to be your path? It sounds... as if you understand so many of the motivations of these boys... yet you seem unable to let them pass you by unfettered. To some extent, if I've read your correspondence right, it would seem as if you yourself went out of your way to be noticed by these bullies...? Your disdain for them and their poor behavior, and your inability to keep your head down, or at least play along, has set you diametrically opposed to them. It's okay to see them for what they really are... they'll let you get away with that, but do that and hold yourself above them at the same time? knowingly look down on them? Or try to cause them trouble? It's going to be a very long school year I think.

I myself stood tall at times when I could muster the strength... and shrank too frailly at others... but that is who I am. I am sorry. But these are the first true steps of who you will be... It may be corrupted to the naive, but there is leadership... I suppose. Have faith in your self. I have faith in you, make smart decisions. It is possible to hold your head high without having to look down.

That would be my advice, and it will work out... if not now, then maybe at some far off reunion packed with beer-bellies and receding hairlines.

2009-09-18 05:14:00

Author:
Gravel

Posts: 1308

Well, I'm just posting a quick post before I leave for school. I'm going in in uniform, not kit for the exped, and there's only a .1% chance I'll actually go. And Gravel, I didn't go out of my way to be "noticed" in the sense that I didn't want to be any sort of nexus of their efforts. They haven't actually done anything major with regards to me, but I guess my constant, outward despising of them (which they probably understand clearly after my outburst after the shin-kicking thing) finally became too much.

2009-09-18 07:27:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Wow you make it seem like the teachers have almost no authority in your school.
Although i wouldn't want to influence a decision as big as this i'd suggest leaving that school.
I've been in a position before where the teachers can't do their job and it almost messed up my life because i was struggling for grades - It just makes life harder and it shouldn't be that way at all.

I got a little confused about your situation but if you say you're taking A-Levels now (or next year?) i'd definatly recommend moving to a college. I started college a few days ago and i'm amazed by the level of maturity there,
basically it works out that if you still dealing with the same problems such as bullying then they get kicked out without hesitation and life continues as normal

I had no idea you were like some genius though that got moved up a year, i knew you were mature for your age (i hate that term, the majority aren't mature enough

) but it sounds as though you're probably smarter than me already which is kind of scary xD

Anyway it's entirely your decision, i can only recommend finding a good college in your area if that's an option - it really sounds like you'd fit in much better there.

2009-09-18 09:11:00

Author:
Dexiro

Posts: 2100

For me, the only option I'd even consider is leaving the school.

I wouldn't want to be around people like that, if they were causing me physical/emotional harm or not.

I definitely wouldn't go on the expedition, either.

2009-09-18 13:26:00

Author:
alexbull_uk

Posts: 1287

2009-09-18 13:55:00

Author:
supersickie

Posts: 1366

Well, here's an update for you all. If you can't guess, I didn't go on the exped, and I'm pretty glad I didn't.

Before school this morning, we finally managed to contact the head of the option, and he said he'd speak to me at school. I got into school, everything normal, then I met with him, and we just decided I wouldn't go. To paraphrase, he said, "I wouldn't want you to go if you won't enjoy it", which is exactly what would've happened. Here's the weird thing - this was all done just between us. We called the teacher, he met me in a back room of the teachers' rooms, so no one would know...and still I've been warned that the people who were going to do whatever it was know that I phoned in and "are planning to get at [me] for it."

As for what would've happened had I gone, the following two things I know. For one, one of the people from that clique who doesn't do Leadership was shouting "Oh God not the shaving foam" (or something along those lines) at me. I know it was at me, because we were the only two in the corridor. So, it's fairly safe to say that I would've had something shaven. Someone in maths also said that they were planning to throw me off my bike in one of the cycling sections - which, on a paved road on a timed game, would've ended badly.

2009-09-18 17:02:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

I have experience of such people myself. I could always see them for what they really were too and despised them heavily. I was far more quick witted and cleverer than they were though, so if they did ever say anything I always had a retort that put them back in their place and ridiculed them in front of everyone.

I don't at any stage mean to compare mine school life with yours. I'm merely saying that I understand exactly how you feel about these people and I too seen them for exactly what they were. I kept my head down enough not to be a target because of my resistance, but kept it up enough not to seem weak.

I'm glad you didn't go on the expedition. In all honesty you will never win going down the teacher route. It's a very pessimistic thing to say but it is true. The truth is that these stuck up, rich, arrogant children are protected by the fee's their parents pay for them to attend that school. They'll never get expelled because then the school won't get the money on which it relies.

I would strongly suggest going to another 6th form college. On the whole once people get to 6th form it is a much more friendly atmosphere, there's still the odd pricks about in all honestly, but especially by the time you've reached your second year, nearly everyone has grown up enough to just get on with their lives.

2009-09-18 17:24:00

Author:
jackofcourse

Posts: 1494

Well, knowing what I know, if I were you, I would stay home from the exhibition altogether. The other guys may call you names, but it sounds like that's nothing you can't handle. I, myself, have been bullied over the years (nothing like what you've gotten, it was nearly all just verbal) so I can kind of relate to where you stand.

The best advice I can give you is to just stand your ground. If these...certain people... think they can just push you around for the lulz, then they're going to do it. Likely your storming off the CTF field only served to encourage them in their efforts, because now they think they know how to "push your buttons", so-to-speak. Now, I'm not saying you should try to take these guys in a fight or do anything rash like that, but really, you should stand up for yourself somehow. But, really, I would avoid that exhibition, and were I in your position, I would likely drop the Leadership thing, too. Think of it this way: you only have a few more years there, then you're free.

2009-09-18 18:24:00

Author:
dandygandy2704

Posts: 1002

Hmm, they sound like chavs to me tbh, at least that's what their attitude and actions say anyway, I would say you should just leave Leadership.

EDIT: After reading your last post, I can safely say these people are pure scum. Simple as.

2009-09-18 18:37:00

Author:
creelers

Posts: 275

Glad to hear you didn't go dawes, I think you made the right decision there.
Maybe changing schools when you get the chance would be a good idea. You need to be somewhere these idiots are not and in a place where you can learn at the right pace for you.

Good luck and keep us informed.

2009-09-18 19:11:00

Author:
mrsvista

Posts: 755

I know the kind of idiot you mean.

There have been things that have happened in the past, you know? Admittedly, a lot of them are my fault. There was one moment in particular a few years ago which sticks in my mind. I honestly don't know how much would be different, but I think I'd be generally happier if I had said something when I'd had the chance.

You can't let these morons get away with all this. If I were you, I'd move schools. Now. (you know, my school has a sixth form

)

Seriously mate, you should get out of there quick.

2009-09-18 20:25:00

Author:
ARD

Posts: 4291

Hm yeah tricky situation... well u have to remember that u are alot more mature than these other kids. U are probably more mature than me! Some of the words u use i dont even understand! lol. Anyway u probably did make the right decision even though i would have gone on the expedition if i was u.

But hey well done for telling people. Some just bottle it up inside, which is much worse.

2009-09-18 20:43:00

Author:
ladylyn1

Posts: 836

Move school.

I'ved never been bullied badly, but i was scared of these kids when i was young, was terrified.

When they where walking down the road and i was about to go up i ran straight away, left the school.

So get out of there as quick as possible, tell your parents what happens.

2009-09-19 17:53:00

Author:
Adam9001

Posts: 744

It's really a terrible situation you've been put into, and I'm glad you've not gone on the trip and given yourself more time to sort out your options. I can understand that these people don't listen to reason, and that there really aren't many options for you. Though some people have suggested that you leave the school all together, I have to side against it. I had a friend in high school who transfered mid-year and he said it was one of the worst decisions he's ever made. He didn't exactly have a lot of friends where he was before, but adapting to the new school was apparently a major hassle for him.

It wasn't academics at all because, like you, he's a very intelligent person, far beyond his years. The change in social climate and the pressures of being new in a place where mostly everyone else is familiar with each other can make life even harder than it is now.

I really hope that you can make these teachers step in and do what needs to be done to these Neanderthals, because what's happening to you really isn't right. I'm a fairly large person, so I wasn't subjected to much abuse in high school, but I knew people that were. It's not really an issue in college, but I would always advocate and stand up for those who were being wronged and treated unfairly.

I hope that you have at least one person you can turn to there, because that will really make all of the difference for you. The only other advice I can give you is to stand as firmly as you can, because bullies always go for the weakest, and if you don't appear weak, they will quickly lose interest in you. Most importantly though, do what you feel will benefit you the most in the long run.

2009-09-19 18:04:00

Author:
BSprague

Posts: 2325

Thanks for all your posts, everyone. My dad spoke to the chiefmaster over the phone, and the chief got very angry at him for saying he was lacking in discipline, saying "I take great offence [to that], I've been dealing with disciplinary issues all week." Why do we even HAVE these disciplinary issues in the first place? If you get the punishments right, then you should NEVER have to mete them out!

Anyway, we're organising to meet with him. I'm also writing out everything I know for more information - unfortunately for me, there really is no hard evidence against them, so nothing is likely to happen, or at least I don't think so. If that's the case, I may have to change school.

2009-09-20 15:16:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

play more lbp

2009-09-20 15:50:00

Author:
BasketSnake

Posts: 2391

You have a fair point, I haven't played LBP in over a month, mainly because I'm afraid my PS3 will crash.

2009-09-20 16:01:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

You have a fair point, I haven't played LBP in over a month, mainly because I'm afraid my PS3 will crash.

Well that's just silly. You can't play it if it crashes, but you can't play it if you don't play it.

Why might it crash?

[sorry for the tangent, here]

2009-09-20 16:24:00

Author:
comphermc

Posts: 5338

3.00. I just checked, and noticed 3.01. Does that fix all of the crashes?

2009-09-20 16:52:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

I'be had no problems with 3.00 at all...I've only heard of like 2 people who have.

2009-09-20 16:53:00

Author:
ARD

Posts: 4291

But there were like a hundred posts about save data loss on these forums alone! Right?

2009-09-20 16:55:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

But there were like a hundred posts about save data loss on these forums alone! Right?

I don't remember that. Just back up all you LBP data on a flash drive and update. If something goes horribly wrong, you've got your backup.

I honestly can't expect that to happen, though.

2009-09-20 16:57:00

Author:
comphermc

Posts: 5338

Well I thought my school life sucked. Thank you for showing me I don't have it the toughest.

After a full in depth read of your first few post and and skimming the rest, it's easy. If you can't get anywhere with the chiefmaster, who I assume is like the head of the school or it's disciplinary system, then get out of that school as fast as possible. A good school with a bad staff and students is as worthless than no school at all. I honestly have no clue about what to do about your advanced knowledge and lack of learning satisfaction (Although it has depressed me to see a kid nly a year older than me be about 50 times smarter

), as I have barely any clue of the advanced workings of the US school system, not to mention your British scholar system.

Hang in there buddy. In the end, we are the ones that stand. Glad they didn't get ya in the end.

OH, and, Karate is a very good disciplinary as well as philosophical and physical art, and if you go into that, I promise you'll be more relaxed, and you'll be ready for the worst.....

2009-09-20 18:49:00

Author:
Astrosimi

Posts: 2046

I haven't read a single post. Just saying if you have life-changing problems: play more lbp. Right?

2009-09-20 19:29:00

Author:
BasketSnake

Posts: 2391

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