Archive: 14 posts

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Please request titles! Inspired by many other stories, I am starting one. I will release details soon, but it will be an EPIC project. I am still young so please have sympathy on my grammar and spelling. The characters are based on real life, and same with the school. Some experiences are actually portrayed in the story, and my friend's personality too. Max is the main guy. Friends with John, and DJ (Nickname). Has real emotions, love (NOT TOO MUCH, no worrys!), the supernatral, action, gore, mild language, and suspence. SUBSCRIBE AND GET INSIDE INFO! (Subscribe idea by Cog.) PM with the message "Subscribe!' Or something like that. Chapter 1 Max hated school. He hated the long hours it took to do the algebra and reading reports. "That could be time used to play video games..." He thought. He was a video game master, and spent his free time playing games like Littlebigplanet, Reading comics, watching random youtube videos, helping his friend DJ make music. His friend's real name was not DJ, but something that he would never tell anyone. He just told everyone to call him DJ. True to his name, he was a great techno music composer. Like any ordinary 14 year old, he was lowest on the social ladder in high school. A freshman. As he walked frrom algebra, he thought about PE, his next class. How much he loathed it, nothing could measure. When he got into the gym, the coach was not there. As people wondered where he was, a little dispute took place in the corner. Some of the guys were pushing around someone. Then the person being bullied yelled, "NO! He took her on a date!" Pointing to Max. "Huh? Who's she? I don't really know anyone here!" he thought. "She's my girlfriend!" The muscular guy said as he walked over. "You are going to be sorry you messed with my girl. You are..." as he grabbed Max. Max had this feeling like electricity flowing through his body. As if on instict, he thrusted his hand at the guy, but not connecting. But the guy flew off toward the wall, like an invisable fist hit him square in the chest. Everyone looked at Max, then back at the guy who he "hit". He wasn't moving. Max bolted out the door, to who knows where. Subscribers get inside info on the story! Astrosimi dawesbr CURRENT NEWS AND PROGRESS Working on chapter 2. Please please PLEASE show me my errors, and tell me what you like and don't.

2009-09-03 03:02:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Aha, I like this style of writing, and I've been cooking up something similar. I'll subscribe

2009-09-03 21:25:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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Ahhhh, what the hey, I subscribe. You read my story, so you obviously have superb taste!

2009-09-03 22:27:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Man, now I'm nervous... I hope I don't bomb the story.... but trying and failing is better then not trying. So I will start publishing the story soon! It will be in chapter format. I might make a "critical acclaim" thing like dawesbr did... I MIGHT.

2009-09-03 22:30:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine, and we're always here to give advice, help, and encouragement. And, in Rock's case, peanuts. Always with the peanuts.

2009-09-03 23:12:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Oh my! I gave you an idea without giving anything! It'll be cool to see what happens! Actually, you instantly did something I hate doing in my stories: normal names. I'm one for creating new and strange names But you are basing this on your life so it's fine!

2009-09-03 23:22:00 Author: Kog Posts: 2358

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I know, I wanted names that people can remember. By the way, I do not know a SINGLE person named Max... Must not really be a name native to Wisconsin.

2009-09-04 04:47:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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My cousin's called Max! Though that isn't really relevant. Oh and I also have a Max in my Spanish class. Though I guess that's not relevant either. Hm.

2009-09-04 22:37:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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I am so lazy...

2009-09-10 03:04:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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New chapter out!

2009-09-23 00:01:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Ahaha, thanks for editing in the middle of me reading it OK, it was good, but suggestions. Try not to make it too rushed. You packed half a day into a paragraph. People will love your story much more if you go more into depth. Of course, don't drag out things to the point of boredom, but take your time writing

2009-09-23 00:06:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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Ahaha, thanks for editing in the middle of me reading it OK, it was good, but suggestions. Try not to make it too rushed. You packed half a day into a paragraph. People will love your story much more if you go more into depth. Of course, don't drag out things to the point of boredom, but take your time writing Yea... I was sorta rushing it. To be honest, I forgot for a week or two, so I tried rushing the rest of the story. I scrapped it a couple times, but eventually thought it was too long of a wait so I had to rush it. I may rewrite it, but you never know.

2009-09-23 00:15:00 Author: chezhead Posts: 1063

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Yea... I was sorta rushing it. To be honest, I forgot for a week or two, so I tried rushing the rest of the story. I scrapped it a couple times, but eventually thought it was too long of a wait so I had to rush it. I may rewrite it, but you never know. That was probably the main problem, the rushing part. Most of the chapters in my story took many squeezed in minutes over a few days to write, though of course they are very long. Apart from that, the whole idea sounds uber-cool, but perhaps the main suggestion is to, and here I quote my English teacher, "vary sentence stucture." That means have some short sentences. It also means that, if you so choose, you can throw in some sentences like this one; long, with many "clauses" (basically separate sentences embedded in one long sentence, like "if you so choose" is in this one). But yeah, cool premise, I hope to read more.

2009-09-23 00:42:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Closed by request.

2009-10-18 00:34:00 Author: Whalio Cappuccino Posts: 5250

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