Archive: 9 posts

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im making a story and i will post the story in a second

2009-08-15 06:31:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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edit:i know this is way long over due but heres chapter two from know on ill be realesing a chapter every week. Chapter one James On a dark and cold winter night there were knights who had thought they had conquered evil forever. A howling wind passed by a young boy who was on patrol. The boy was no older than 16 with black hair and blue eyes, he was James the son of noble John the smither. At this time, James was a knight; he was a low ranked knight, the lowest actually. But the King saw he had much promise. The King and James* father had been good friends as children. So it saddened him to see that James was having trouble with his duties as a knight. James got no respect and the other knights gave him tasks such as cleaning their clothing or washing plates and silverware and things of that nature. So the King was sad, for he could do nothing to help. James on the other hand was very joyful because he did not have to fight or train so he did the grunt work continuously. As there was no evil, the knights stopped training as much and after a time became out of shape and unfit. Since James was doing all the physical labor, he became stronger. The king became aware of this so he gave James an assignment to take patrol because even though they thought they had defied evil they still watched out for signs. You know, just in case. James was frightened by the dark. Not the bravest of boys, he would continue to watch the street. He could not have guessed what would soon happen -- a man ran by him showing great interest in getting far away from something. James stopped the man and asked "What are you running from?* Well instead of replying, the man ran -- or tried to run. But he could not escape James*s grip. Even though James was the weakest one of the knights, he was still very strong but he did not like to show it. James asked once more in a much more commanding voice "What are you running from?" The man struggled to break free but couldn*t. And a final time James asked in the most threatening tone he could find in him "What are you running from?" The man, now very frightened, finally whispered an answer. As if it was his last breath, he said "It!" as he pointed down the old and broken gravel road to what was empty as far as James could see. But as he looked more carefully, he saw a... well he didn*t know what it was! It looked almost human but had some quality to it that made him know it wasn*t. James could see pure evil in its eyes that were dark brown -- almost black and had no life in them. It was as if it had once been human but now it had been transformed. The man looked at James and said said "Run!" James let the man go but he could not stand on his own. The thing was approaching quickly so James had no choice but leave the man there. For even though James was not brave, he felt a need inside himself to kill like it was the human thing to do. It was as if he had to it was an urge to stop this... this... this evil. It felt like all humanity needed it to die; as if James loathed this thing. He knew he had to kill it! So he removed his sword from its case and charged the beast. As he became closer it seemed that it was dressed in all black clothing and it had clothes that were very strange torn clothing just pieces covering its entire body. Other than the eyes it also had a strange sword -- it seemed to be a strange metal gray and silver and dark. But it was very clean and sharp. The sword was the same size at the base and tip but it curved in and then out again in the center. As it grew closer, James became more aware of what he was running towards. Soon it had reached him. It did not stop. It went though him simply though him, not slowing or stopping. James never even flinched. But he grew cold remembering very bad things -- the worst things he knew, like the death of his mother. The thing had paralyzed him. James was standing there motionless, seeing flash backs. James snapped out of this just in time to see the man die by the things claws. Now he knew what it was. It was evil and that is all it was. James started to cry for he had gone through quite an ordeal that night. After he stopped crying he stood there thoughtless expect for the fresh stain of the memory he had blocked out three years ago. Chapter 2 James had a brother named Chris. They were very close, the closest two brothers could be. They were inseparable. As Chris sat there, in front of his sick brother, he remembered the old memories they had shared. Two stuck out in his mind. First, the day Chris and his brother took a day for themselves. It was a hot summer day and work had to be done like feeding the horses cleaning washing cloths and stable duty. *All this work will take forever." was James*s attitude. Soon, he talked his brother into going to their secret meadow in the mountain. There were grass and sunflowers larger than a bear. They laid a top the hill with the biggest tree and looked out into what they saw as an endless paradise. James showed Chris the beauty of the grass waving back and forth in the wind, gleaming with sunlight. They watched the birds flock to the flowers. Only thirty feet behind them was a grand waterfall ending in a very deep pond. The brothers fell silent and admired the beauty of nature. Chris loved his brother for finding how to express this beauty in his own simple words. It felt like they were in a world were all things were a masterpiece, each as valued as gold. That was the first memory that came to Chris*s mind. His second memory was dark. It was of the day his mother died. She had been ill for three years before her death. He hated to remember her pain. Although he had been unable to move, she could still talk. His mother was a great woman never slowed by age or sleep. She would do all you needed as long as you asked nicely. She died at the age of forty five, a young age to die. She looked at James and Chris with tears in her blue eyes. With a horse voice, she asked them to come closer. With her last words, she told them "Don*t be sad for me sons. I have done what I was put here for, to raise you two the best I could. I am ready to pass on. In a voice now barely a whisper, she said *Just know one thing.* I love you.* She then died. Chris was crying. James turned him around and hugged him tightly. He whispered things like *its okay. It*s all right and she loved you.* That night no one slept as they cried for their mother. That memory now taking place of the other, he looked down at James and took an oath "I will find the person responsible for this and I will kill them all. I swear it.*

2009-08-15 06:33:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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Moved to Creative Writing. One suggestion would be to use punctuation. It's very difficult to read a 700 word sentence.

2009-08-15 08:49:00 Author: Killian Posts: 2575

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dar n it! i posted the wrong version

2009-08-15 18:35:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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There fixed it. Agian sorry for the double post.

2009-08-15 18:55:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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that is a good story mate its more like a child story but good

2009-08-15 19:55:00 Author: Unknown User

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i am a kid so... anyway ill be done with chapter two soon

2009-08-15 20:12:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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i am a kid so... anyway ill be done with chapter two soon cool i like that when the dark monster goos tro that guy and he sees al his bad memory

2009-08-15 20:14:00 Author: Unknown User

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thank you for that little tit bit

2009-08-15 20:42:00 Author: inferedmonkey Posts: 76

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