Archive: 7 posts

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When I burned out of college in spring of 2006, I found myself needing cash in the worst kind of way. I was flipping through the newspaper when I found an ad that read: "Sweeper Vac Driver needed. 3rd shift only" and gave subsequent contact info. I'm really great doing over night work and decided that I'd give it a shot. I arrive at the office, fill out an application, and before I walked out of the door I was given the job and told to report for training the following evening. So, I reported to the office the following evening... and had the weirdest/craziest/funniest 8 months of my life. I was hoping to share a story or two with you guys. If you like 'em, I've got TONS. Stopping a robbery Incorrectly thinking some guy was dead Screwing with ricers Helping the 5 - 0 bust a tranny hooker and more than I can remember Training Day: Trying to make a good first impression, I showed up at 7:30; 15 minutes ahead of schedule. I found a note taped to the door that told me to have a seat in the break room and that my trainer would be with me shortly. Well, 7:30 eventually turned into 8:45 when I had decided to say "gently caress it" and walk out. As I was heading for the door, a very unkempt man wearing jeans and a dirty T-Shirt stumbled in. Hey..uh.. you Bruiser? Yeah, I've been here since- Cool... alright, well uh, lemme go clock in and we'll get going. Here, take this stuff around back to our truck and I'll meet you out there. I walked out, found our truck, and did some more waiting. Eventually, the guy comes back out with a bag full of stuff and sets it behind the seat. The guy finally introduces himself as Mark. He explained the finer points of the job. We go around to places like malls and grocery stores, use the sweeper truck to suck up the trash, use leaf blowers to blow trash away form the sidewalk, and empty all of the trashcans. Wow, that wasn't in the job description. haha, it never is. Don't worry, FNG's get the hang of the job easily FNG? That's you, buddy. Mark and I got to know each other en route to the first place we had to clean. He's one of the coolest guy's I've ever met and continues to be a friend to this day. He's got a really dry sense of humor, he's kind of a , and had been doing the job way too long. I got the hang of it midway through the night. It wasn't hard at all, just mind-numbingly dull manual labor. Happy to have someone to talk to, Mark kept me entertained the entire night with stuff he had seen "out there". He also let me in on the fact that the "Sweeper Vac Guys" are pretty tight knit just for how lovely a job it was, and that leaving the "FNG" in the break room is kind of a hazing. After a quick coffee break, we pulled up to one of our last stops for the night. It was a Walgreen's dead in the center of the Nashville ghetto. Mark dropped me off in front of the building. Alright, buddy, I'm going to run across the street to our last stop of the night. Go ahead and change the trashcans and check the back of the store for anything out of the ordinary. I'll pick you up when you're done and we'll call it a night You're leaving me? Don't worry, call on the radio if you need anything! and just like that, my pasty white rear end was in the middle of the ghetto at 3am on a friday night. But, luckily for me, I grew up in D.C. and had learned some street sense. I change the cans really quickly and went around back to "look for anything out of the ordinary". Usually, I'm really good about watching my back. Notice I said "usually". I was noting that the lights had been shot out when I heard something behind me. I whirled around to see a crack head standing a few feet from me. Hey man! Hey! Uh, do you have a light, man? Sorry, I don't smoke Hey! Uh, do you got a dollar, man? Listen man, I'm covered to my head in stink at 3am on a Friday night. Does it look like I have a dollar? The guy then pulls a knife from his jacket pocket. This is not going to happen. I'm covered head to toe in grime, I'm exhausted, and now a crack head is trying to mug me on my first night at work. This is not going to happen. So I did the only thing I could do. Come on, man! Give me that wallet! I hold up my hands, nod, and make like I'm reaching behind me for my wallet. Well, some ---hat had missed the dumpster with a pallet earlier in the day and had left planks of wood scattered about behind me. I grab a plank of wood, whip around, and crack it as hard as I can on the side of his face. He drops like a ton of bricks and I reached for the radio. Hey! Some crack head just tried to mug be back here. I think I knocked him out. Do we need to call Metro PD or something? *long pause* Hello?! Is he dead? WHAT!? Is. He. Dead. I reached down and felt a strong pulse on the guy (but man was his face a wreck). No, he's alive. gently caress it, I'm coming to pick you up, see you in a sec. A moment later, Mark comes roaring behind the store, stops, and looks at my handy-work. Good form! Can we go now? I mean, I've had to drop guys before, but this takes the cake! Can we please go now? Mark then takes a picture with his cell phone I can't wait to show the guys when we get back to the office! Later on that morning, he introduced me to everyone in the group. After showing off the pictures and bragging about "How his FNG dropped someone the first night" one of the other guys, Jay, got me a cup of coffee. It was then that I found out that almost getting robbed was apart of the job and I handled it like it was supposed to be handled. I also found out that "FNG" stood for '-------' New Guy." Edit: I'm now back in school http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2411937&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1 These bunch of stories are EPIC to say the least. I edited the bad words out of that one that I saw with ---, and the other have some in them, but the stories are truly amazing.

2008-08-30 03:45:00 Author: Unknown User

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That was... interesting.... O.o

2008-08-30 03:50:00 Author: Code1337 Posts: 3476

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That was... interesting.... O.o There are way more, and they are great. Read them!

2008-08-30 04:03:00 Author: Unknown User

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that was great, do you still work there?

2008-08-30 05:17:00 Author: Darth_Spartan Posts: 813

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that was great, do you still work there? Yes I do It isn't me lol.

2008-08-30 05:42:00 Author: Unknown User

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Haha good read...but you so know that this COULD HAVE went in the Epic Thread of Epic Tales, right?

2008-08-30 05:52:00 Author: Stix489 Posts: 2080

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That seemed entirely different than this, plus this is 100% more epic

2008-08-30 06:09:00 Author: Unknown User

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