Archive: 12 posts

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... Yeah, me and my friend (known here as azbgamer, though he never posts much... due to various reasons >_>) have been writing the most stupid epic story ever. It's... stupid, to say the lest, with a lot of idiotic jokes that only we'll get. But he wants to show it to you anyway. Dave and Mailman were two figures of epic win. There was an evil lunatic who thought he was a king who was jealous of them. As such, he wanted them to die. His name was RockSauron. One day, Dave and Mailman were grinding low level monsters to get easy experience points. And Dave soon had a stroke. "Wow" said RockSauron in the shadows. " Talk about a stroke of good luck!" However, Dave soon recovered from his stroke. RockSauron annoyed, summoned his evil minion, Bowser. Dave and Mailman soon noticed all the goblins disappeared. In their place were Koopas. "Wow!" Dave shouted. "I feel like I'm on a drug!" "That explains so much Dave" Mailman sighed, taking out his ax. To complete the prophecy, Dave took his out as well. The two brave men with axes took up their weapons. They created a bloody mess as the turtles lost their heads. "Noooo! I will kill you!" Bowser screeched, and Dave and Mailman got ready for battle. "WAIT!" Bob Hinkerdink screamed. "I'll Help! Take this Balloon!" The balloon popped and out jumped Leonardo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles popped out. Bowser and the turtle duked it out in the epic battle ever. But, to speak of such awesomeness, the universe would implode. In the span of fourteen seconds, Bowser lost his head and Leonardo chopped it up and put it on his pizza. All the while, Dave and Mailman were eating lasagna. "Someday I will kill you!" screamed Leonardo before he disappeared in a puff of smoke. RockSauron knew that he was bested, and besides his dinner was getting cold, so he ran away while Dave and Mailman left the dungeon. Dave and Mailman were killing cows in a field so they could get leather and make leather armor to increase their leather making skills. However, then, while Mailman threw one of his letter bombs at a cow, it turned out to be that the cow was in fact a human being. Mailman laughed at the fact that he might have killed a human being. However, a figure stepped out of the ashes. He said "Is this the Willow Grove Mall ?" Dave said "NO!" Then the figure asked again "Is this the Willow Grove Mall ?" Dave then pulled out his Tommy Gun and hit the figure in the forehead with hot lead. However, the bullet went straight through his head, revealing a liquid metal interior. The liquid metal reformed, and he was back to normal. Mailman screamed. He knew who this was. "Chris!" he howled. "Someone SAVE ME!" RockSauron heard his plead. A puff of smoke appeared, and out popped King Dedede. King Dedede hit Chris with his hammer. When this failed King Dedede shrugged, and disappeared. "That was odd," Dave remarked. Chris then started to walk to Mailman. Mailman threw a letter straight through Chris' head, and Chris fell over, dead. A jingle was heard. Mailman leveled up! Mailman is now level 5. HP is now 62. Attack is 40. No items obtained. It was a dark and stormy night, however, that was three weeks ago. Today it was warm and sunny. In any case Dave and Mailman were just returning from defeating Chris in a cow pasture and were returning to Kakayriko Village. Meanwhile, in his secret evil fortress RockSauron was drinking peanut butter juice. He rubbed his chin. "How shall I defeat Dave and Mailman, Skeletor ?" he pandered Skeletor replied, "Let me kill HE-MAN!" RockSauron said, "Good enough welcome to the job!" RockSauron dismissed Skeletor and returned trying to get his fingers out of the Chinese Fingertrap. Dave and Mailman were eating lasagna in a restauraunt with the gold they receieved from selling cow leather. Soon Skeletor appeared. "Are you He-Man ?" he asked. Dave and Mailman said no, and Skeletor left. After Skeletor left Dave and Mailman continued their epic journey. They then started walking on the yellow brick road towards the Green Hill Zone. While walking along the Yellow Brick Road Dave got hit in the head with an apple and was knocked unconscious. Mailman looked up and saw Sir Isaac Newton. Mailman said "Isn't this supposed to be the other way around ?" Sir Isaac Newton disappeared laughing manically. Then Dave woke up and asked "Do you know where Burger King is ?" Then Mailman gave Dave a potion to cure his confusion. Then they continued on their epic journey. Dave and Mailman heard from a random old guy that there were seven mystical gems that, when brought together, gave you mystical powers. Dave and Mailman went to the Green Hill Zone to get green emeralds. Dave and Mailman were attacking monsters on their way to the Emerald Palace. RockSauron was hiding behind a tree thinking of how he could prevent Dave and Mailman from getting the Green Emerald. However, he was too busy thinking that he didn't notice Dave and Mailman passing by. Then Dave stepped on an ant. Then they continued their journey to the Emerald Palace. Soon Dave and Mailman arrived at the Emerald Palace. Before Dave and Mailman could enter the Palace a puff of smoke appeared in front of them and out came Seymour. Seymour said "I must not let you get the Green Emerald!" "So prepare to fight !" screamed Seymour. Before the fight even started Bob Hinkerdink appeared and threw a balloon to Dave and Mailman. Bob Hinkerdink said "You'll definitely like what comes out of this balloon." The balloon popped and out jumped Sackboy. In the meantime RockSauron was still thinking of how he could stop Dave and Mailman. "You expect me to fight this tiny creature." laughed Seymour. Then RockSauron started to think of an idea, but then realized his dinner was getting cold and ran away. Then Seymour summoned his aeon. Dave then fired his Tommy Gun at the aeon, but nothing happened. "Well at least I tried." said Dave. Then all of a sudden Sackboy started to build Metal Gear Rex. Once Sackboy was done Seymour's aeon attacked Sackboy's Metal Gear Rex by using his special attack. The Metal Gear Rex dodged the attack by jumping out of the way. Then another puff of smoke appeared and out came Skeletor. "Are you He-Man ?" asked Skeletor. "NO!" yelled Dave and Mailman. Then Skeletor disappeared. After Skeletor disappeared Sackboy fired a rocket a Seymour's aeon and blew it up. Then Sackboy disappeared. "Nooo!" screamed Seymour. Then Seymour made one last attempt to stop Dave and Mailman, but then Dave punched Seymour in the head and knocked his head off. 3 jingles were heard. Dave had leveled up. Dave is now level 7. HP is now 62. Attack is 40. No items obtained. After Dave was done leveling up they grabbed the Green Emerald and continued on their journey for the second mystical gem. My friend is Dave due to... various reasons (I started quoting 2001's "Good morning dave", then just forgot why and starting calling him dave. I only remembered a few months ago when he reminded me). azb is Mailman due to being so in his friends dream- he is also Bob Hinkerdink due to... other stupid reasons >_>. I am RockSauron of course, and Chris... You don't wanna know :/ ... did you read so far? Did your mind implode? ah well, take the stupidity, will ya? I'll overload your puny minds with it anyway... cause he amde me >_>

2009-05-06 00:39:00 Author: RockSauron Posts: 10882

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I read Chapitre Un. It would have been better if it was Dave and MILKman, but that's okay......

2009-05-06 00:43:00 Author: qrtda235566 Posts: 3664

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I read Chapitre Un. It would have been better if it was Dave and MILKman, but that's okay...... He's Mailman. Changing who he is is blasphemy.

2009-05-06 00:48:00 Author: RockSauron Posts: 10882

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I read chapter one. Excuse my french but that is a HELL of a funny story. Because you're funny when you're stupid on purpose. Well, not stupid, but exceedingly random.

2009-05-06 01:57:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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Thats hilarious! I love it! One mistake I noticed; The balloon popped and out jumped Leonardo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles popped out. Just take away popped out. Also, if you ever need a character in the story add one called 'Dirty Bedroom' it's an awesome name!

2009-05-06 02:19:00 Author: Kog Posts: 2358

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That's so random! I mean, omgwtfbbq doesn't even come close! And, as you can guess, I ♥ the 2001 thingy backstory

2009-05-06 17:38:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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Read chapter 5 if you feel you haven't been hit by enough stupidity.

2009-05-09 02:05:00 Author: RockSauron Posts: 10882

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Seriously, I'm not being flattering or anything, but the leveling gets me every time.

2009-05-09 02:41:00 Author: Astrosimi Posts: 2046

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Haha, funny story, and i know where all the characters/places you mentioned are from (wait, is that good or bad..?) Anyways, it kinda made sence in a weird way if you know what i mean, but definetly not bad.

2009-05-09 03:05:00 Author: Silverleon Posts: 6707

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Haha! Love the leveling up things. Love it!

2009-05-09 03:35:00 Author: Kog Posts: 2358

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You know, i'm sure all that was Dave's fault, yeah i blame Dave!

2009-05-09 04:13:00 Author: Silverleon Posts: 6707

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Dave is growing more powerful! I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.

2009-05-09 07:23:00 Author: dawesbr Posts: 3280

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