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Evolution - Chapter I-X ~ "The best user made thing on the website"

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Well this section has been a bit quiet recently, so I've decided to start my own story. I've been thinking about this a bit, and I have an idea of where it's going. Don't be intimidated by its size if you are new to this story, just take it bit by bit, and enjoy the tale! ...

School was back, and everyone was bored. The first few bus-stops on the way into school had consisted of questions about what everyone did during the holidays, but after that people had begun to realise that this year would be just the same as the last – work, work, the rare bank holiday that would set the teachers off complaining, and then more work. But for Jack Farshaw, that would not be the case.

He stepped on the bus, backpack slung over his shoulder, with a sullen face that went with his messy hair. His sunken eyes, complete with heavy bags, looked around the bus blearily. He worked his way to the stairs, and took a seat at the front of the top deck.

Nathan Phillips, a lanky student who was renowned in the year for knowing almost everything there is to know about anything, strode up the stairs, spotted Jack’s head above the rest, and wandered over. Another boy followed him, unknown to Jack, with cropped black hair and a furrowed brow, and sat down on the opposite column of seats.

“Hey, Jack. How were your holidays, man?” Nathan began, slinging his backpack into the seat next to him.

Jack glanced over, and smiled faintly. “Hey Nathe, long time no see, eh? I didn’t really do much over the holidays. A bit boring, really. You?”

“It wasn’t too bad. Something cool though – this is Mark,” he said, gesturing to the boy in the other column, “He’s an exchange student from the US. He’s here to enjoy ye olde English culture,” he continued in a British accent.

Mark grinned wolfishly, and raised his hand in greeting. He then pulled out a notepad, looked down, and began to write, glancing occasionally at Jack and Nathan.


---

That night, Jack stepped off the bus after school, back into his routine of being exhausted at the end of the day. He began to walk home as more people filtered off. Nathan and Mark walked in the opposite direction – Nathan lived a few blocks away.

Up in his room, Jack spent most of the night doing homework.

Outside, Mark sat, watching, and writing.


---

The next schoolday was very similar – more work, more boredom. Jack sat next to Nathan the whole day during lessons, whereas, he noticed, Mark seemed to sit in the corner, away from everyone else, and always wrote in his notebook, instead of the school-issued ones. At lunch, Mark wasn’t even in the dining hall, and Jack went looking for him and Nathan around the school.

He found Mark behind the swimming pool, talking to Mr Follows, the 50-something biology teacher who didn’t talk much to any students.

“This is crazy!” Jack heard Mr Follows say, “It’s scientifically impossible; I should know! This kind of thing is reserved for cheesy movies and children’s comics.”

“But it is possible, John!” Mark replied loudly, flailing his hands in emphasis, “I’m the proof! Don’t you recognise me?”

‘John’ looked thoughtful. “It was a long time ago; I was a kid when I knew Mar- you,” Mr Follows corrected himself, running a hand through his combover. “And then, after your disappearance, well, I moved on, Mark - if it really is you.”

From the school, Jack heard the bell ring. Mark looked hastily up towards it – the opposite direction from where Jack was standing. He looked worried and apprehensive, before turning back to Mr Follows.

“Well, John, I’d better go. I just thought I’d let you know. I may need your help with regards to whom we talked about. Say hi to your mum for me too. I always liked her.”

“She died, Mark. A lot of things have changed.” Mr Follows replied with a heavy face.

“A lot of things have changed for me too, John. I’d better get back to lessons. Just like old times – except now it’s you who’ll be telling me off for slacking in class.” Mark smiled, and moved off.

Mr Follows sighed, and rubbed his forehead, his eyes hollow and brow furrowed, and then followed on afterwards.

Jack stood stock still for a while, and then moved off as well, back to his lessons. He watched Mark surreptitiously throughout English, and noticed that he never even paid the slightest bit of attention to the teacher – which wasn’t uncommon – but was still scribbling in his notepad, always glancing up every now and again.

Two weeks later, Jack sat with Nathan and Mark on a bench outside the Music Hall. Mark still hadn’t spoken much, and Jack was still keeping an eye on him – he had noticed that Mark still wrote in his notebook at almost every moment of the day. He’d never asked him about what had happened with Mr Follows, but nevertheless, Jack still mistrusted him.

After a moments silence, Nathan suddenly blurted out, “Oh, crap, yeah, I forgot to say. It’s Mark’s last day today; he’s leaving after lunch, actually.”

It was lunchtime now – it would end any minute – and this forgetfulness was typical of Nathan. There was an awkward silence for a moment, while all three of them pretended to admire the surroundings. Then, from behind them, they heard the bell ring. Mark stood up.

“Well, then, I guess this is goodbye,” he said, and reached his hand out. Jack grasped it, and hesitantly shook it, then quickly withdrew, feeling embarrassed. Mark’s nails left deep scratches in his hand, which he clasped, gasping.

Mark noticed, and smiled. “Sorry, I guess that’s why no one does that anymore. Anyway, I guess this is goodbye. Maybe I’ll see you again someday,” Mark said. “Nathan, you need to come with me to the reception so they can allow me out. I’ll see you round then, Jack.”

And with that, he was gone. Jack stood up, and heard a muffled thump as something hit the floor. He looked down, and saw Mark’s notebook on the ground, tattered from its constant use throughout the day.

He picked it up, and flicked it open.

“September 28th. Jack shows signs of change. Marked progression of brow heightening. His hands have grown hugely. He is almost definitely one of us – I shall be leaving to organise his assimilation soon. Judging by the rate of progression, it will need to be before the 3rd of October – by then, the risk will be too great. I will sustain contact with John, he may be of use when the time comes. As for Jack, I will need to take a skin sample before I leave, just to be sure.”

Jack stared, and then flicked back a few pages.

“September 13th. I spoke to John today, and tried to explain my situation. It has been nearly 45 years since I saw him last. He seemed unwilling to believe what has happened, but I think he’ll come round. I may need him for when Jack’s time comes, if it ever does. Jack has showed some signs of change, but it is too early to tell.”

“Oi! Queerboy!” came a shout, jolting Jack out of his reverie. From round the corner of the Music Hall, Ryan Draymonte and his friends Mike and David appeared, looking menacing. Ryan was the school’s resident bully – he beat up anyone who so much as looked at him funnily. His massive bulk, accompanied by his hard face and practically shaved head, gave him a powerful look, and any newcomers to the school quickly learned that he was not to be crossed. His two accomplices were just as muscled, but with ever so slightly less brainpower than Ryan, if it were possible, they were resigned to stay as nothing more than cronies.

“Farshaw, I’m talking to you! Are you ignoring me? Don’t you dare ignore me,” Ryan shouted. It seemed he had found a reason to beat up Jack.

Jack quickly pocketed the small book, and decided that it would be best to respond. “No, no, Ryan, I, er, didn’t hear you the first time,” he said nervously. It was best to be careful around Ryan Draymonte.

“You’d better listen, Farshaw. Because otherwise, I’m going to beat the living-”
“All of you, what the hell do you think you’re doing!” It was Mr Follows. “The bell rang ten minutes ago! Get back inside, or I’ll give you all detention. Now.”

Even Ryan Draymonte wouldn’t argue with a teacher, and so, with a dirty look at Jack that didn’t leave him with a hopeful feeling, he headed inside, with Mike and David on his tails. Jack followed hurriedly, apologising to the teacher as he left.



During the rest of the day, and that night, Jack read through the book. There was information about his eating habits, what he did after school, where he went, who he talked to, what his facial features were like. It was as if Mark had been documenting Jack’s life.

There was other stuff too. Earlier in the book, there were the last few entries for someone named Andrew, seemingly someone who Mark had been doing this to as well. And later in the book, mentions of someone Daniel, who, it seemed, was the next person Mark was to stalk.

Jack decided he was going to talk to Mr Follows – he seemed to have a connection with Mark. And so, the next day, after biology, whilst everyone else filtered out of the door to lunch, Jack stayed behind to speak to his teacher.

Mr Follows spotted Jack, and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Farshaw?”

Jack took a deep breath. “Sir, I’d like to ask you about…about Mark Jones.”

Jack saw his teacher freeze momentarily, then begin packing his papers away again at twice the speed.

“Sir?” Jack inquired, hesitantly.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about, Farshaw.” Mr Follows said, eyes cast downwards, still feverishly packing his files.

“He was an exchange student here, sir. He left a few days ago.”

Mr Follows looked up, then quickly down again. “Oh, was he. Well, I don’t know anything about him.” And with that, he began to move towards the door.

“But sir! I saw you with him behind the swimming pool!” Jack almost shouted. With immense satisfaction, he saw Mr Follows stop.

“You did, did you?” he said. “And did you…hear us behind the swimming pool too?

“I heard some of what you said, sir. I didn’t understand it, though, but what I want to show you first is this,” Jack said, slowly withdrawing the notebook from his bag.

Mr Follows raised another eyebrow. “What is this, Farshaw?”

“Here, look,” Jack said, passing the notebook across, “I found this after Mark left – it was his. Just read some of the things in there.”

Jack waited while the adult in front of him read the first few pages.

“What is this?” came the delayed response.

“That’s what I thought you could help with, sir. As you can see, Mark has been documenting me. And I was hoping you could explain why the hell that is!” Jack paused. “Sir.”

Mr Follows sighed, and then moved back to his desk. He sat down, and gestured to Jack to pull up a seat. After a moment, he began to speak.

“You’re right, Farshaw. I knew Mark, a long time ago. I really don’t know how it’s possible, but he’s back, and after- Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.” He paused again, and then restarted. “I knew Mark…in the 60s. We came to this school together, actually.”

Jack began to speak, but was cut off. “I know how it sounds, Farshaw. I can’t believe it myself, but he looks just the same. I haven’t seen him for so long, but he brings back so many memories. I’m sure it’s him.”

“When did he leave, sir?”

“He didn’t ‘leave’. He disappeared. His mother woke up one morning to find her son gone, never to be seen again. Or so it seemed. The search went on for days, and no trace was ever found – it was as if he’d vanished off of the face of the earth.”

Jack thought for a moment, and then asked, “So what about the book? What does that have to do with all of this?”

Now it was Mr Follows time to think. “I don’t know, Farshaw, but I’d watch out. There is very weird stuff going on.”

“’Watch out’? Do you think I’m not safe? Can’t we, like, call the police or something?”

“Well, Farshaw, how would you, like, explain this to the police? There’s a 55 year-old boy going round who looks 14, who seems to be stalking the student of his old friend from the 1960s? No, for now, I’d forget all about it if I were you.”

He rose, and, with one last glance backward, left the room. But Jack wasn’t going to forget all about it. He had something to wait for – the 3rd of October. The date in the diary, that said Mark would be coming back.


Jack began counting the days down to the 3rd. He continued to read Mark’s notebook, and was sure he would return on that day.

But he didn’t. The 3rd came and went, and, by the 5th, Jack had lost hope. So what he decided to do instead was Google Mark.

He logged onto the school computers during the Thursday lunchtime, making sure to seat himself away from any of the other students that were using the computers for work, and opened Google up. After searching for “Mark Jones disappearance”, he immediately had a hit. It was an online version of a local newspaper – there was no new information for Jack, just what Mr Follows had said. He kept reading, and was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing, queerboy?” came the greeting. It was Ryan, the school’s head bully, accompanied by his cronies, David and Mike. Jack gulped, remembering their last encounter.

“H-hey, Ryan. Oh, um, this? It’s…uh, it’s schoolwork.”

“Oh really,” Ryan said, “you doing homework, queerboy?” And with that, he lifted Jack wholly out of the chair by the neck.

Ryan grinned up at Jack as he held him extended, and his accomplices chuckled behind him. Everyone else in the room swivelled round in their chairs, some eager to see a fight, others looking apprehensive.

What happened next, Jack would not forget. Even as he felt the breath becoming shorter in his chest, he felt his eyesight clear. It was as if an intensifying film was being spread across his eyes. He could see every detail of Ryan’s face, down to the tiniest of chips in his teeth.

Suddenly, he felt revitalised. His breathing became easier, and his struggling stopped. Ryan’s eyes gave a slight look of incomprehension, just before Jack’s fist connected right between them.

Ryan stumbled backwards, dropping Jack to the floor. David and Mike stared dumbfounded, before realising what had happened. Immediately, they sprang together at Jack. Jack sidestepped them both, and delivered a stunning blow to David’s jawbone. It connected with a sickening crunch, which sent him spinning towards the computer monitors. There was a collective gasp in the room.

Mike turned around to face Jack again, but he wasn’t there – Jack had already circled him at the same time, and kicked the huge rugby player in the back. The force behind the kick was staggering, and sent the muscled boy hurling towards Ryan.

Ryan saw him coming, and dodged to the side, catching Mike as he stumbled past. David picked himself up from the scattered computer monitors, and joined them.

Jack grinned wolfishly, and snarled at the three bullies. The other people in the room had all stopped work and were staring at what was happening in front of them. The same thought was going through their minds; Jack was screwed. No-one in the year could hurt these three people in front of a room of students and not suffer the consequences; their reputation was on the line.

As one, the three boys charged. Mike extended a hand to grab Jack, while David circled him to pin his hands from behind. It didn’t work; Jack extended his hand, and grasped Mikes. With incredible strength, Jack hurled him bodily round, physically throwing him into David. They collapsed in a jumble of limbs underneath the computer desks.

Jack stared at the pair, and, just as he turned around, had the breath knocked out of him. Ryan had punched him in the kidneys, and then kicked him onto the floor. He lay there, writhing in pain as he felt the bruises. He looked up, to see Ryan snarling over him. Ryan raised his foot again, prepared to stomp on Jack’s face.

A foot came out of nowhere, and snapped Ryan’s head back. He stumbled backwards, colliding with David and Mike, sending all three to the floor again. Jack looked up to see a hand reaching down for him. He grasped it, and felt himself being pulled up.

The person who had saved him grinned wolfishly.

Mark was back.



“Hey, Jack.” Mark said.

Everyone in the room stared, those who had had contact with Mark during his brief time at the school with jaws open. Even a teacher who had come bursting into the room in the silence after the fight was absolutely flabbergasted, and stood numbly, mouthing nonsense words while staring at the pile of bullies.

“Mark?” Jack said. He couldn’t quite believe it. Mark was back.

The mysterious Mark grinned wolfishly once again. “The one and only. But, uh, I think we’d better go. I’ll explain everything later, but, for now, it may be best to leave.”

At this, the teacher decided he’d better make some attempt to control the situation.

“Now wait just right here, young man! If you’re responsible for all this, there’ll be hell to pay!”

Mark threw a pitying glance his way, shutting the teacher up, and then turned back to Jack, who still stood, bemused.
“Well then? Are you going to come with me?”

“With you? Where?” Jack asked. This was all coming so fast. Everyone in the room was silent, staring at him.

Mark seemed distracted for a moment, his head cocked to one side, as if listening. All of a sudden, he jolted upright.

“**** it, I thought I hadn’t been followed. Jack, come on, now, we have to go.”

Jack instinctively followed Mark as he rushed towards the door, and entered the corridor, leaving everyone in the room, including the teacher, staring in shock.

“Stop!” someone shouted, and Jack looked down the corridor. Two men with guns in holsters strapped to the waists dressed in suits stared at them down the corridor. Mark looked over, and began pacing it in the other direction, towards the staff car park. Jack ran after him, quickly followed by the two men.

They burst out onto the school drive, students jumping and shouting as they barged there way past. Mark ran up the drive, pulling a set of car keys from his pocket as he went. He turned off at a black sedan complete with blacked out windows, and pulled open the door. Jack stood, staring.

“Get in, Jack!” Mark screamed, turning the car over. “Get in, NOW! Look behind you!”

Jack did as he was told. The two men were nearer now, slowing down, but at the same time they were pulling their guns from their holsters.

He didn’t have any time to think, so he did what his instincts told him – he climbed into the car.

“Get down!” Mark shouted. Jack ducked his head, and Mark jammed on the accelerator, driving straight towards the two men, who were blocking the exit. Each man loosed a shot, both of them driving into the windscreen and slamming into the headrest above Jack’s head.

The two men dived to the side as Mark ploughed out of the drive, and then quickly ran to their car. They gunned the engine into life, and were soon in pursuit.

Mark floored the accelerator, storming down busy streets, weaving his way through the lunchtime traffic.

“Kick the windscreen out!” he shouted.

Jack stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Kick the Go******** windscreen out, now! I can’t see a thing!”

Jack swivelled in his seat, and pulled his legs up. Putting his newfound strength into his legs, he lashed out, striking the windscreen where the bullets had hit. It went tumbling outwards, smashing on the road. The wind hit the pair like a gunshot, blasting past as they flew forward at almost twice the legal limit. The black car, which the two men were following in, was right behind them, expertly weaving in and out of lanes, dodging traffic on the dual carriageway.

“Hold on tight!” Mark shouted, and swung the wheel to the right. The car swerved, hurling itself over the bank of grass between the two roads. It flew into the air, and landed with a heavy crunch and crash of metal, fishtailing momentarily while Mark brought it back under control. He focussed all his attention on dodging the now oncoming traffic, narrowly missing cars with their sirens blaring.

The blasted through a junction, Mark quickly switching to the correct side of the road, and behind them Jack heard a siren starting up. Mark grinned, muttering “yes” under his breath.

“Yes? Why yes? Now we have the cops on us too!” Jack shouted.

Mark smiled at him. “Those guys won’t follow us if the cops are. And trust me, the police are a lot easier to lose than them.” He switched gears, turning off the road down a long, dead-ended street. Behind them, the cop car followed, lights flashing. Jack looked hesitantly at Mark. “Don’t worry,” was the response.

Mark kept the car going at 70 towards the end of the street. Jack was sure they’d crash and end up dieing crushed into the side of the building, but at the very last moment Mark pulled on the handbrake, and swung the car round, narrowly missing the side of the building with the rear of the car. Removing the handbrake, he immediately pressed the accelerator, and shot past the cop car, which had begun performing a 3-point turn.

They drove along the main road for a while, the cop car following them, now a long distance away, before Mark turned off, and slowed down. He parked the car on the kerb, and jumped out, motioning for Jack to follow. They earned many strange looks and several drawn mobile phones as they left the windscreen-less car, and ran down the street. The police car pulled onto the road they had parked on, just as Mark turned off into a small alley, with Jack following.

The car pulled up to the alley as Mark ran out the other end. Behind them, Jack saw two policemen jump out of the car and run after them. Mark sprinted down the street, and entered the nearby train station, with Jack quickly following him.

They both ran past the ticket officers, who weren’t even paying enough attention to mistake them for anything more than in a hurry for their train, and jumped down the stairs onto the train platform. The whistle sounded as the last person climbed on, and they both hurled themselves in afterwards. The train doors closed and it pulled out of the station, leaving the two policemen still stuck in the foyer.

His breath returning to normal, Jack turned to Mark.

“Okay. Okay. Now, could you please tell me what the living hell that was all about?”


“I’ll tell you – but first, we should find a seat.” Mark stretched upwards, breath back to normal and strode over to a table with two facing seats.

Jack sat down opposite him, and then stared straight ahead, waiting for Mark to speak.

“Uh…this is going to be hard. You probably won’t believe me at first, but trust me, every word I say is absolutely true.”

Jack nodded. After being stalked, shot at, and going into a wild, violent frenzy, he was ready to believe almost anything. Except what came next.

“Jack…the truth is-” he was interrupted by a gasp by the guy next to him, who immediately shouted out, “It’s them!”

The two boys looked up to see where the man was looking. On the in-train televisions, a picture of Jack was being shown with the headline “BOY AT LARGE – ARMED AND DANGEROUS” glaring out at them. In smaller writing, there was a short paragraph: “This boy is wanted by the police. He may be travelling with another youth. If found, call 0800 354 3591. ?100 reward”

Everyone else in the carriage looked up at the news feed, and back down at the boys. Several times. Then, three people pulled out their phones at once.

Mark swore quietly under his breath, and then jumped up onto the small table that was between the seats.

“All right, people!” he shouted. “We don’t want to hurt you. Neither of us is armed, and we wish you no harm. But if you don’t hang up those phones right now, I will knock you unconscious!”

Everyone with phones out stopped dialling. There was a long silence. Then one man with his phone out laughed quietly, saying, “You’re just a kid! I’m a martial arts trainer, and that doesn’t pay much, so, like it or not, I’m calling the police, kid.” He began to continue punching in numbers.

Mark sighed, muttered, “Why do I always have to do this,” and leapt forward. With a quick blow to the temples, the man was out cold. Everyone in the room gasped and stared in shock at the grown man who had been knocked unconscious by a child. The few people who still had phones in their hands hastily pocketed them again, for fear of being knocked out too.

Jack walked over to Mark, who was eyeing up everyone in the room. “Mark…what do we need to do?” me muttered quietly. Mark glanced over to him.

“First thing we need to do is get off this train. Knowing who’s after us, it won’t be a long shot that they’re waiting at the next platform. Once we’re off the train, just follow me.”

With a cursory glance round the carriage, Mark grabbed the big red “emergency stop lever” and pulled hard. Instantly, the whole carriage was rocked as the wheels stopped, scraping with the ear-splitting screech of rusty metal on rusty metal. As the whole train rocked to a stop, the doors slid open, and the two boys jumped forward onto a grassy bank.

Mark set off across the adjoining field, and Jack soon followed. The train had already travelled to the countryside – rolling green hills and a small village nearby surrounded them. Mark headed towards the village, striding across the field in long steps.

They made quick progress, and soon arrived in the village, where Mark quickly found the nearest pub, called The Old Gate. The inside was made entirely of old wood and decorated with old ornaments on the walls, from the deed to the building to assortments of crockery. The two boys headed for a corner booth, out of site of the few people at the bar.

Jack looked at Mark. “Right. Now that we’ve stopped jumping off of trains, can you tell me what’s going on yet?”

Mark looked distracted for a moment, staring at one of the patrons who was chatting into a mobile.

“I’m sorry, come again?” he said, coming back to reality, slowly turning his head back to face Jack.

“Well, in the last hour, I’ve been shot at, thrown about in a speeding car, ran from the cops, and stopped a public train in order to avoid people who were hoping to claim a reward that is out for me, and I’d like to know why the hell that is!” Jack shouted, causing the man with the phone to glance over.

Mark sighed. “Keep your voice down. I’ll explain it to you – don’t worry. It’s just…complicated.” He paused momentarily. “Do you know what happens tomorrow?”

Jack shook his head, wondering where this was going.

“It’s the full moon, Jack. The reason I needed to pull you out of your normal life was because if you are around anyone innocent tomorrow night, you could have a lot of blood on your hands.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “This is ridiculous,” he said, “you can’t possibly saying what I think you’re saying.”

Mark bared his teeth in a wolfish grin. “**** straight. Jack – you’re a werewolf.”

And that was when three armed men burst through the door of the pub, the front one firing a gun straight at Mark’s neck.

The dart that had been fired protruded from Mark’s neck in a grotesque fashion, and before he could pull it out, whatever had been contained had been released into Mark’s system. Mark’s eyes flashed at Jack, and before he keeled over, eyes rolling up into his sockets, he managed to speak one small word through gritted teeth.

“Run.”

The three men approached, the dart-firer reloading his gun and bringing it up to fire. Without hesitation, Jack burst from his seat and sprinted towards the fire exit and out onto the street. Jack thought quickly as he stepped onto the pavement. The men would have transport – he needed a car. He just hoped the few hours learning to drive around a field with his father would be enough.

Jack ran along the pavement and round the corner. There were no parked cars in sight – evidently the people in the pub were from the local village. However, there was a steady flow of cars driving past him towards the big city a few miles away. That left him no option – he had to stop a car in the road.

Jack sprinted out, and stopped in the middle of the lane, legs planted, arms waving wildly. That was the last thing he remembered.


Dr. Lawrence T. Milner checked the chart for the latest arrival. “Caucasian male, 13-16, no ID,” the chart read. Hit by a large SUV over 24 hours ago, his extraction from the scene to the hospital had been very quiet. Milner had even been made to sign a secrecy agreement, forbidding him from mentioning anything that happened – very mysterious. He’d signed them before, twice in his life. Once when a pop-star celebrity had collapsed after a night out, and the other time when murderer Andrew McKinley had been shot by police outside his home.

He placed the chart on a metal cart, and pressed record on a small audio recorder that all of his procedures were recorded on. Sighing heavily, he began.

“Log for Dr. Lawrence T. Milner, subject without ID. Time is currently,” here he checked the clock that hung on the wall, “time is currently 6:32 in the evening. Beginning procedure.”

From another metal cart he took two latex gloves, and pulled them on. Then, he took a sterilised scalpel, and turned to the metal table.

Jack’s body lay on the sterilised stainless steel, cold as the table that it lay on. His school clothes were still on, but in the parts that were torn and on his face and hands, large black and blue bruises were clearly visible. His face in particular was so bruised that the doctor doubted even his parents would recognise him.

“Cutting away clothes now,” Dr Milner said, and with a few quick cuts, the school blazer and white shirt were off. “No ID in or on the clothes. Extensive damage to the chest cavity. From first look, many ribs appear broken. Large amount of bruising to the abdomen. I’m going to extract a tooth for testing to find the child’s age.”

Milner sighed. He hated children’s autopsies –they made it hard to go home in the evening. Still, he wanted to get home before nightfall - the sun was just fading behind the horizon. He’d make it quick – remove a molar, finish up the log, and send the tooth to forensics. Nice and easy.

He pulled the movable light lower and closer to the mouth. Pushing the jaw down, he exposed the teeth, and was just moving in with the scalpel when he was thrown backwards. The cadaver had snapped bolt upright, eyes slamming open, screaming in pain. The surprise and the force with which this happened sent Milner over onto the floor.

Jack sat on the table screaming his lungs out. The pain of coming back to life was incredible, the throbbing from his bruises, the sharp pain of his broken arm, he felt it all as one big mass of agony. He took a breath and screamed again.

Dr Milner stared at the screaming boy, and it took a few seconds for him to come to his senses. He scrambled upright, and began opening draws in the cart, searching. Eventually he found what he was looking for, and grabbed a syringe of morphine from a draw in the cart. He moved towards the now-alive child, and jammed it into his arm.

The boy still screamed, but it was quieter now. He turned his head to face the doctor, and took time to shout between screams, “Where am I? What happened?” before gritting his teeth and groaning through them.

Dr Milner decided to try and calm him down. “You’re in the morgue. You were hit by a car - you have been dead for 24 hours. You need to calm down – the shock from the impact has caused extensive damage. Sitting up will only make it hurt more.”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. He lay down, and the pain eased slightly. His arm still seared like a burn, and his whole body felt shattered and broken.

Dr Milner looked him up and down in amazement. After 24 hours, it seemed impossible for him to be alive – and talking. The brain damage alone should’ve been enough – he shouldn’t even be able to see, let alone form words. It was very strange, almost non-human.

He leaned over Jack. “Can you tell me your name, son?” he asked.

Jack blinked upwards at Dr Milner through bleary eyes. He stared for a few seconds, before speaking with a look of complete surprise and shock.

“No. I can’t remember it. I-…I-…” he stuttered.

Dr Milner understood. The brain damage had happened, but less than seemed plausible. The boy had amnesia. This seemed more and more strange by the minute.

“OK. Tell me what you do know,” he said.

As Jack began to collect his thoughts and try and remember what had happened to him, the room darkened. The setting sun had finally vanished over the horizon, and the full moon had begun to rise.

It was going to be a long night.



As the first gray shaft of reflected sunlight slid through the mortuary window, Jack froze. Dr Milner stared at the boy who had woken from the dead.

“Hey! Can you hear me?” No response. Dr Milner drew an ophthalmoscope from his coat, and bent down in front of the sitting boy. Flicking a switch on the side, he held the small light up to the boy’s right eye. The pupil was almost fully dilated – a black hole set against the bright white of his eye. As Dr Milner watched, the small blood vessels around the edge of the eyeball began to expand, pulsing faster with the beat of his heart.

Dr Milner grabbed the good arm to take a pulse reading. The veins and arteries along it were bulging outwards, pulsing furiously as Jack’s heart raced at hundreds of beats per minute. Dr Milner began throwing open drawers and cupboards, searching, before finally grabbing a vial of tranquiliser. Turning round, he prepared the needle, and then stopped. He could not believe what he was seeing.

His patient was completely covered...in fur. It covered him like a second skin, slick and flattened down. As Dr Milner watched, his whole body began to change. Which a sickening crunch, his jaw cracked and his whole face changed, becoming elongated and wolf-like. His teeth sprung forward, forming grotesque fangs that dripped saliva onto the table.

He was breathing faster now, drawing in huge breaths and letting them out with a big sigh. His hands gripped the side of the table, and, as Dr Milner watched, his nails grew into razor-sharp talons, and pierced the stainless steel as if it were no more than aluminium foil.

The changes began to slow now, and Dr Milner stood, breathless. It seemed that Jack had grown larger, too. He was now easily seven feet tall, with bulging muscles on his chest and arms. With sickening slowness, he turned his head to face Dr Milner, and the doctor did not need an ophthalmoscope to see into his black eyes and know that whatever remained of the boy’s reasoning and sanity had gone with his normal body.

The werewolf sprang at the doctor.



Two miles away, Morticai Andrews slammed the last of the locks into place, and stood back from the basement door. It had taken him a while to construct – 6 inches of solid steel, replete with three deadlocks, and a host of other barring devices. He didn’t want anyone coming in tonight.

He turned away from the door, and grabbed a beer from the drinks fridge. He leapt over the sofa, and settled himself down in front of the large, LCD TV, preparing himself for a night of sports and movies. It was as he reached for the remote that he froze.

The faintest of noises reached his ears, reaching down through the steel door and into the basement. A howl, a howl that Morticai could easily understand. It was a howl that he himself had once made – the howl of a new found werewolf, free to hunt at last.

Morticai pushed the howl out of his mind. Mark normally dealt with this sort of thing – God knows how he manages it, but that guy keeps control of everything, he thought. Grasping the TV remote, he flicked on the screen, and tuned into the news.

The arcing beam of the helicopter’s spotlight spread across the ground. “Attack at St. Agatha’s Hospital: Many Feared Dead as Deranged Patient Breaks Loose.” A news reporter was shouting into his microphone, reeling off his piece for the tenth time.

“It appears that a deranged patient has gone on a rampage here at St. Agatha’s Hospital. Reports are sketchy, but those who have escaped the onslaught of this patient have said that they have seen bodies mutilated by him. No one as of yet has seen the patient causing the mayhem, and his identity has not been revealed, but police have already arrived on-scene to tackle whoever it may be.”

It was then that Morticai saw it. Too quick for the helicopter-dwelling news-reporter to see from high up, but on his High Definition screen Morticai saw it all too clearly. Flashing past one of the hospital windows, illuminated in the searchlight’s beam. A sinuous body of matted, bloody fur and snarling teeth. He put two and two together – and realised Mark didn’t have a hold of things after all.

Sighing, he downed the last of his beer, and strode over to the door, ripping off latches and tearing it open. He sprinted up the stairs, heading towards the moonlight, his body changing as he went, bones crunching and muscles pulsing as he leapt out into the open air. The werewolf headed east, towards the hospital. To stop Jack.


Back at St. Agatha’s, three police vans unloaded a total of twenty men onto the street, armed to the teeth with both lethal and non-lethal weapons, prepared for any eventuality. Well, most eventualities. What awaited them behind the swinging double doors could not be prepared for by any training manuals.

The policemen filed through the doors double file, scanning left and right with quick glances, and spreading out at each turning, each man shouting out “clear” as they searched each room. The head of one group pushed open the door of the Radiology department, and filed in with his men. The ceiling was dominated by a large skylight, the clear full moon shining down through it; groups of doors lined the walls – each one a possible threat. He directed his group to search each room, and they fanned out.

The leader headed to a door at the far end of the room. In his mind, he couldn’t help thinking that in the movies; he’d open the door and would immediately b-

A great weight hit him with tremendous force sending him flying across the room. His cry alerted the other men, who turned round in shock. Taking stock of the situation quickly, several of the men aimed their plastic-bullet-loaded rifles at the snarling beast, hesitated momentarily, and pulled their triggers. The bullets pinged off the beast, and it barely noticed.

Realising the hopelessness of their feeble bullets, all men in the room immediately switched to live ammunition. The squad member closest to the leader was smashed by a deadly uppercut, flew three feet into the air and lay sprawled on the ground. Bullets started spraying, and the beast let off an unearthly howl. It sprung around the room, smashing everyone in its path, sending bodies flying into walls and chairs, moving so fast that the men hardly had time to aim their guns in his direction.

The sound of bullet-fire was cut off as the skylight was smashed completely, sending showers of glass tumbling onto everyone in the room. The men in the room ducked their heads to shield their eyes from the falling glass – the beast stayed staring, assessing whatever threat was hidden behind the glinting fragments.

The second werewolf hit the floor with tremendous force, the enormous claws on his feet running cracks along the floor. It straightened slowly, breathing heavily, teeth bared. The beast that was Jack growled and Morticai stared straight back. Jack growled again, louder this time, and Morticai began to snarl too, low and threatening. Jack wouldn’t be dominated, so he took it one step higher than growling – he charged across the room and flung himself straight into Morticai. The soldiers in the room watched, mouths open, weapons lowered, as the two beasts began to fight.

Jack’s initial dive, headfirst into Morticai’s chest, was partially deflected by Morticai, who grabbed Jack in both claws and turned, using his own momentum against him to hurl him sideways across the room. Jacks flailing limbs and bruised torso crushed one soldier completely as he slammed into him on his way into the wall, which he hit with a loud boom. Dust fell from the ceiling as he fell to the floor wheezing.

He began to straighten up, coughing and wheezing out his long mouth as he did so. Morticai took three great bounds to cross the room, and swung a right hook straight at Jack’s head. He barely managed a duck, the bunched fist of Morticai’s hand slamming into the wall just above his head, leaving a large dent.

Jack followed up on the duck by kicking off from the wall, pushing Morticai over and on to the floor. He began punching Morticai in his distended head, left and right, and Morticai’s growls changed into slight whimpers. A few of the troopers round the room had decided by now that Morticai was on their side, and fired several rounds at Jack. The bullets hit his arm, sending spatters of blood onto the floor. Jack threw himself off Morticai, and Morticai turned and roared at the men who had fired – he wanted Jack unharmed. Mostly. The men immediately stopped.

Realising the bullets were no longer flying, Jack jumped at Morticai again. Having enough warning this time, Morticai delivered a devastating blow into Jack’s jaw as he jumped. Jack collapsed again on the floor. Seizing the opportunity, Morticai grabbed him in both arms, and knocked him hard on his temples, sending him into unconsciousness.

Holding him as if they were newlyweds, Morticai stood under the smashed-in skylight. He growled once at the men, tensed his legs, and sprang upwards, hurling himself tens of feet into the air and landing on the roof of the hospital. Still carrying Jack in his arms, he began to run back to his house.



Jack came to out of a blurry haze two hours later. His first thought was that he needed to vomit. His next thought was that he needed somewhere to vomit. Luckily, somebody had placed a bucket to the side of the sofa that he was lying on, and he promptly began to fill it with black bile flecked with blood. He blacked out again

When he woke up again, he awoke to the sight of a concerned face. The head had cropped brown hair and a bristling moustache, and reminded Jack of someone from an old Western – he had the same squint as he had seen in hundreds of modern parodies.

The face’s concern was broken by a grin. “You all right there? Can you tell me your name?” the man asked.

Jack shook his head, and then widened his eyes in shock. Groping in front of him, he pulled the bucket towards him and heaved up what was left of his stomach. The look of concern was back now.

“You need rest,” the man said, “you’re lucky I pulled you out of there – you could have done anything. Oh, I’m Morticai by the way. Morticai Andrews.” Jack closed his eyes and coughed weakly.

“Don’t try and speak. Just rest.”

Jack closed his eyes, and heard the sound of a news report being played in the background. “A wave of destruction has swept through the halls of St Agatha’s Hospital here downtown, leaving more than 20 people injured and 2 in a critical condition. Authorities are being unsurprisingly secretive, with the following statement being issued by the head of the police force, Patrick Howes.”

Jack opened his eyes slightly, squinting so as not to blind himself with the light, and managed to focus in on a TV screen placed opposite his sofa. The image on the screen had just flicked over from helicopter shots of a cordoned off building, and a hard-faced man now stood in front of the camera.

“Today, at approximately 6:24 pm, an incident occurred at a downtown hospital,” the man began as a small box flashed beneath him with his name and rank, “We can confirm that there are at least 20 injuries, and 2 people are in a critical condition. The cause of the injuries is a matter that is under investigation. That is all.”

The screen cut to a female reporter huddled under an umbrella standing outside a gateway crisscrossed with police tape. A large box in the corner of the screen announced that this news report was “Live!”

“Many of the large number of internet conspiracy theorists have already begun to speculate over the nature of the incident. Aliens, vampires, the government, werewolves, all have been discussed and supposedly confirmed to be the cause of the incident. Whatever the cause, our thoughts here at Channel 3 News are with those trying to recover, in a different hospital than their own. This is Julia Hindley, Channel 3 News.”

In a separate seat, Morticai snorted. “Well, someone was bound to guess correctly. You caused quite a lot of damage, my friend,” he said, “you better be careful next time.”

Jack was too weak to respond, and coughed weakly into his bucket. The news anchor was moving onto another story now, and the bar at the bottom of the screen had changed to “boy still missing after three-day search.”

Morticai shut off the television. “Sleep,” he ordered, and left the room. Jack slept.



When he woke, Morticai was murmuring into a phone in the corner. Jack’s head ached with a crushing pain – he could do nothing but sit and listen.

“Yeah, it was on the news. I don’t know, Mark definitely should have been there, I’m getting worried – have you heard from him recently? Oh, man, this could be bad. Yeah. Yeah,” he paused for a long while, listening intently to the voice on the other end, “right, OK, I’ll bring him up there now. Three hours.” He hung up.

Morticai sighed, and rose from his chair, throwing the phone down behind him. He came over to Jack, and pushed his shoulder gently.

“Hey, mate, are you OK to move? We have to get moving, we’re going to go stay with some friends of mine. Come on.” With a huge effort and a bit of help on Morticai’s part, Jack straightened up, and, leaning on Morticai heavily, stumbled towards the door. Morticai undid the locks, and heaved it open. Jack moved out of the basement, and began climbing the stairs to an uncertain future.


Chapter Something ~ The Brotherhood

The car journey flew by for Jack in a blur of muddy clouds and traffic jams. Morticai would occasionally glance his way and check that he was alright, but apart from that he remained cool and collected, even though his true thoughts were a whirlwind of worry and wondering. Mark, uncooperative though he often was, was always there. That guy seemed to be able to keep track of every budding werewolf in the country – when he first appeared on the scene forty years ago, he was an unassuming, confused teenager who had no idea what had happened to him. That was back in the days before The Brotherhood had a hang on things, of course. Back then there barely even was any Brotherhood at all, no more than a family of aristocratic fops who all possessed the werewolf gene. Morticai himself had had to go and stop Mark, of course – he remembered the moment he heard the howl, all the way from his basement – he had immediately sprung to action and tackled Mark before he fully went under, and had bundled him out of there as soon as he could. The Brotherhood’s latest generation was just making itself known back then, so it was where he turned.

He couldn’t pinpoint the moment that Mark became so omniscient. For the first decade or so of his new life, he had pined for his family across the grounds of The Brotherhood, and became incredibly violent during his changes – it took him more than six years, three times the norm, before he was able to be conscious and lucid during the full moon. When he was finally trusted to be let outside into the public, Morticai had been assigned to track him, and yet, even with his incredibly heightened senses, Morticai would always lose Mark after he entered a city. Then, Mark had disappeared for two weeks...and had returned with a boy, who, two weeks later, underwent his first transformation, a completely unprecedented occurrence. Since then, Mark had been like a rogue agent for The Brotherhood, somehow keeping track of all those who were about to change and contacting them before it even occurred.

Then he disappears. This was what worried Morticai. Mark didn’t make mistakes. He shouldn’t have been taken down. But here he wasn’t, and here Jack was, collapsed, bruised and broken, on the car seat next to him. Boy, Jo was going to be mad, Morticai thought. He turned up the radio.

Jack awoke several hours later, when he tumbled from the car as Morticai opened the door he had been busy drooling over. Immediately he sprang up and adopted a hostile stance...and groaned in pain, swaying worryingly. Morticai jumped to his side, and cradled him so he didn’t fall over. The afternoon sun was like a white-out to Jack, and he groaned in agony, broken arm flopped by his side and his other raised above his brow. Morticai shuffled him forward towards a set of regal stairs. The stairs were made of stone, smooth and tiered, tapering towards the top to meet a huge set of regal doors.

This was the headquarters of The Brotherhood. The site was known and Druntwich Manor, named for the family that stood in the highest echelons of The Brotherhood. The grounds were huge, the Midlands’ countryside providing ample space for the huge Manor house and extended grounds. The nearest other human being was ten miles away, the nearest village five miles further. The house itself was three-storey, a magnificent structure of medieval style, replete with mahogany cross-beams and shingled roof. Jack and Morticai shuffled up the steps, flanked with rampant lions, but stopped half way.

“Pull the other one, Morticai,” a sharp, commanding voice barked from the doorway above them. “It’s got bells on.”

Morticai grinned up at the figure, his mouth stretched in a part-grimace, part-smile. “Hi, Jo. This kid is the one from the news, if you watched it – attacked a hospital on his first turn. Mark wasn’t there.” At this, even Jo’s cool exterior was ruffled.

“We must discuss this in due course. For now, take the boy to the medical wing, you know where it is.” As Morticai and Jack brushed past Jo, Jack managed to finally focus his eyes long enough to take a quick look. Jo Druntwich was tall, with shoulder length blonde hair and a sharp-looking suit. She wore glasses which she was mainly using to create a disapproving air for herself as she stared over them at Morticai. She also had the faintest hint of a smirk on her face. Then Jack was stumbling into the hall and was blissfully unaware of anything else that was happening.


By Cog's recommendation, I haz subscriptionzors going!

Subscribers

Cog.
49DRA
Ghost
Burnvictim42
Lil-Pingin
Astrosimi
Chezhead
KernelM

Being a subscriber means I'll notify you when a new chapter's out, give you, on request, certain inside info on where the story is going, and even, if you're nice, reference you in the story! Just say something along the lines of "Subscription me please", followed or preceded by, I should hope, "This story is awesome." ;P

And yes, I did just F4F. If you have a story or a sig that you want me to give feedback on, just read my story and post some feedback here, and I'll go over to yours.

Critical Acclaim

"Shweet, awesomeness is happening!" -Cog

"Intriguing, it'll be interesting to see where this mind-boggling tale of mystery leads us.
I wanna subscribe!"
"Violence! Mystery! Violence!
This stuff is epic!" -49DRA

"If Jesus and Chuck Norris had a baby, this would be it!" -Cog

"I believe your story thus far has a great feel to it, and I look forward to reading more." -Ghost

"Are you adding every good comment to the 'critical acclaim' section?
xD" -49DRA

"(And if you add this to critical acclaim you'll get a sack slap)" -49DRA

1 1/2 hours later...

"*slaps you*" - 49DRA

"Anyway, this is turning out interesting, i look forward to the next chapter... subscriptionize me captain! I wish i could think of a comment for the critical acclaim section.
D:" -Burnvictim42

" Very good story with very good cliffhangers (Like LOST), as mentioned before. I love how the amount of revelation rises slowly (Like LOST), and the action packed scenes+mild language rock(LIKE LOST!)." -Astrosimi

"Mods NEED to sticky this its like the best user made thing on the website," ~KernelM

"A must read for Gadders of any age."- CyberSora

"I **** myself from its glory!"- New York Times (really CyberSora in disguise)
2009-04-24 20:07:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Just read it. seems fairly decent, although I don't have any idea about what it's about, but I'll still read it :O2009-04-24 20:08:00

Author:
RockSauron
Posts: 10882


Well the point of the first chapter was just as a sort of Prologue. I'm writing the second chapter now, should be up in a few minutes.2009-04-24 20:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Sweet that was really good! Great desciptionizing and such. You should get a subscription system going. Subscribe me if you do!2009-04-24 23:43:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Thanks! The next chapter has a little more info on just what the hell Mark is doing. Plus, I subscribed you ;P2009-04-24 23:49:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Shweet, awesomeness is happening!

Also I noticed a small mistake;
"Mark still hadn?t talked much"

Should be Mark still hadn't spoken much.

Can't wait for the next chapter, now I have to go write the Act II thread, and the first chapter along with the Act I recap!
2009-04-25 00:26:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Fixed. I think this'll be the last chapter for the night morning (it's half midnight, now)2009-04-25 00:28:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Not bad, not bad at all.
Intriguing, it'll be interesting to see where this mind-boggling tale of mystery leads us.
I wanna subscribe!
2009-04-25 16:09:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Cool! I've half-written the next chapter. 49DRA, d'you have anything you want me to F4F?2009-04-25 16:10:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


No, I'm not creative enough to have anything worthy to F4F.2009-04-25 16:14:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Oh well then. I'll just add you to that Subscription list there.2009-04-25 16:19:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Ha lol, I see you are using my quote, after reading it, it sounds pretty stupid! I'll say a better one though, hm...

"It's like watching paint dry, but in this, you are reading it."

Nah! Um...

Well anyway, you should switch my quote in the title with a short description of the story, and plop the quotes into a critics acclaim thing.

If Jesus and Chuck Norris had a baby, this would be it!

:hero:
2009-04-25 16:28:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


BAHAHAHAhahahaaa. Ahahah. Ha.

Ha.

Anywho, I followed your advice. Chapter III is going to be a bit longer, almost 3/4 done now.
2009-04-25 16:36:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Cool chapter, any second after I post this the first chapter will be up for the Unknown Act II, but it is kinda short, but it is explaining something important.2009-04-25 16:51:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Oooh! THe suspense is building!2009-04-25 17:04:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Thanks for the comments. New chapter's out!2009-04-25 17:28:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


So I see.
Violence! Mystery! Violence!
This stuff is epic!
2009-04-26 13:59:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Thanks for the compliment, DRA. I decided it was time for a bit more action and less suspense Still don't know what the hell Mark is doing though 2009-04-26 14:55:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


So you don't plan this stuff? 2009-04-26 15:01:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


No, I meant you don't

I know what he's doing. It's actually probably going to be a big shock. But I have planted a couple of hints in the story so far...

I also know what'll happen later, but I've left it pretty open-ended in my head, so it may just continue onandonandonandonandonandon forever!
2009-04-26 15:20:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Interesting Just read last three chapters.

now I'm curious :O

... subscribe me plox. also, F4F my story... I guess.

anyway, 5/5 Peanuts!
2009-04-26 16:57:00

Author:
RockSauron
Posts: 10882


REVIEW: Evolution

The story so far appears to have a strong feel of mystery, although I'm not sure how it is created after the first couple of chapters.

I've spotted a few typos and grammatical issues here and there, but they aren't something big that stands out and hits you in the face.

Near the start, I was rather confused as to what was happening in the story, with his location constantly changing and the description not completely explaining this. This worried me slightly at first, but as I read on it all seemed to make sense; as if the first two chapters were only needed to explain about Mark. Perhaps you could re-read the first part, as I wasn't strongly hooked after reading it.

The end of Chapter Two was where the suspense began to build up, and it started to become interesting. I loved the mystery which was added, but it was SLIGHTLY let down by the lack of description and detail; which is somewhat constant throughout the story. Perhaps you could, before delving right in to the nitty gritty, describe Jack's surroundings and fully explain where he is.

Chapter three was possibly my favourite chapter, it was almost like the official start to your story, and all of it just meshed together really well; giving me plenty of inspiration to read the next chapter.

The latest addition to your story, 'The Return' had a fantastic potential, but I think it was slightly rushed into. The bullies had not been mentioned as of yet, and were therefore due a large description instead of simply one sentence. It also confused me that no-one else in the class were mentioned until after the fight. However, this chapter was rather amusing, with the fact that Jack was 'screwed' after whooping the bullies'.
I felt the ending of this addition was superb, and I love the implicity of it.

I believe your story thus far has a great feel to it, and I look forward to reading more. Still, I suggest you work on some features in your story to make it a little more interesting, by adding juicy description in most of your sentences.

Overall review: 7/10
2009-04-26 16:58:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


Thanks for the in-depth review, Ghost. The first two chapters were more to introduce Mark, as you rightly said, and I did feel that the third chapter was the main beginning. As for the final chapter, I decided to fit it in more with other stories here (violence), but will edit in some description for you. I will also edit in description for the first two chapters, as well as a bit more detail on what Mark/Jack look like. Once again, thanks for the review, I'll get on with the changes now.

Oh and, Rock, added.
2009-04-26 17:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Lol, I see you took the last name I created I'm fine with it, but if he his last name actually was Draymonte, he would be apart of the most powerful cult in the world, who worship the god of death Draymonte. But I'm guessing he's not because he goes to school, isn't dead, and is an idiot

Good chapter anyways! Mark reminds me of the little girl from my story! (Not in a copied way though.)
2009-04-26 17:38:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Well Mark may not have the same intentions (I'm not sure, considering I have no idea of the intentions of the girl of your story)

As for the Draymonte, yeah I decided to use it as I couldn't think of a name.

I've edited chapter 1, but haven't posted it yet, I'm editing the others first.

EDIT: Right, I've updated it, and changed the ending of Chapter 2 to introduce the bullies, just for you, Ghost
2009-04-26 17:39:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Ah, that's much more clean now, Dawes, plus it gives a little more chunk to Chapter Two which is definitely improvingfulnesslyimproving.

Anwai, I subscribe. :O
2009-04-27 16:02:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


Are you adding every good comment to the 'critical acclaim' section?
xD
2009-04-27 18:54:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


No, of course not! I'm just adding every COMMENT. Full stop.

I'm righting a new chapter now
2009-04-27 19:48:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


*writing

Anyway, this is turning out interesting, i look forward to the next chapter... subscriptionize me captain! (please D

I wish i could think of a comment for the critical acclaim section.
D:
2009-04-27 23:18:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


...I deem that comment good enough I should have a new chapter out tonight (depending on homework)2009-04-28 07:16:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


New Chapter's up! (Sorry if this bump counts as illegal. Isn't there a 2 hour limit?)2009-04-29 22:19:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Woohoo, new chapter! ... but now i want more D: start writing faster please? kthxbai. ;p2009-04-29 23:20:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


Thanks for the post BV. The big (and I mean blow-your-mind big) secret will most likely be in the next chapter. It'll be a real shock to you all, probably.2009-04-29 23:33:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Great action-y chapter! Car chases are always good, and you made them better!

Gosh, I REALLY need to write my next chapter for the Unknown, and I hopefully will. It's gonna be intense!
2009-04-30 00:41:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Thanks, Cog. I tried to put more action in this chapter. Next chapter will be a little less action, more...craziness.2009-04-30 06:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Yay car chases! This gets more and more pwnage every time.
(And if you add this to critical acclaim you'll get a sack slap)
2009-04-30 18:41:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


49DRA - See Critical Acclaim xD

Also, if I get a chance tonight, I'll write the holy-moly-wtf chapter
2009-04-30 20:00:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


*sees critical acclaim*
*doesn't get it*
2009-04-30 20:05:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


How aboooouuuut...now?

I wasn't expecting the quick response
2009-04-30 20:06:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Awesome new chapter, I'm getting into it more now. 2009-04-30 20:07:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


*slaps you*2009-04-30 20:09:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


That's good to know, Ghost. I've started writing Chapter 6, I've decided to put the mind-blowing secret at the start.

*Rubs reddening cheek*
2009-04-30 20:13:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Hey, you didn't add my slap to the acclaim.
Ooooh! I can't wait for the big secret to be revealed!
2009-04-30 20:23:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


lol, if you add the slap to the acclaim, are you going to slap him for doing that? 2009-04-30 20:37:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


I have done just that. Now go ahead, 49DRA, slap me. Then I'll add that one. Then you can slap me again - I'll add that one! Etc...2009-04-30 20:50:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Would like to subscribe to your great story. I really enjoyed reading it, keeps you going and ya dont wanna stop. Since I enjoy reading the story threads have become quiet nice to me. Keep up the great work, look forward to the next chapter. 2009-05-01 13:48:00

Author:
Lil-Pingin
Posts: 396


Thanks for giving it a read, LP (vet murderer )

Just to let you all know, I'm in Wales until Monday, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until Tuesday at the least
2009-05-01 17:37:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


OMG!
*slaps you for adding the slap to critical acclaim*
*slaps you again for going to Wales*
2009-05-01 18:37:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Thanks for giving it a read, LP (vet murderer )

Just to let you all know, I'm in Wales until Monday, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until Tuesday at the least

No problem at all like I said I love to read so I have fun doing it and all the stories are pretty interesting. Too bad we have to wait so long for the next chapter of your story....remember I am "The Vet Killer" might not be a good idea to make me wait so long...lol! Thought about putting that under my name...what ya think?
2009-05-01 21:06:00

Author:
Lil-Pingin
Posts: 396


Sorry about the slow update, what with Wales I've gotten a bit behind, and I had to scrap 3/4 of Chapter 6. Fingers crossed that it'll be in an hour or so.2009-05-06 19:32:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Yeah...so...new chapter's up. I hope you all like the secret 2009-05-07 17:22:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Best chapter so far, cliff hanging awesome winningness.2009-05-07 17:50:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


Thanks! I hope the bit at the end wasn't "lame" Good twist?2009-05-07 18:06:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Mhm, definitely.2009-05-07 18:18:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


I'll read it in a bit. I may write my story some time today, as I am due for one. It's been weeks 2009-05-07 23:33:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


LOL i can't believe i didn't see that coming XD all those "wolfish" grins.... you sneaky foreshadowing dog!

epicly great chapter, well worth the wait.
2009-05-08 04:44:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


Hey hey, somebody noticed! I decided to throw those in for effect.

I'll hopefully write the next chapter this weekend. Spoiler below.

The shot hits :O
2009-05-08 17:13:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Well I wasn't expecting that.2009-05-08 17:33:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Very Very nice was not expecting that at all, great job well done. Keep up the great work....2009-05-08 17:36:00

Author:
Lil-Pingin
Posts: 396


I'm liking the response here guys, I feel buoyed up now! :3 (LBM doesn't visit here, anyway, so I feel at liberty to use that)2009-05-08 17:38:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Yes, I read it and it was GREAT, I loved it and the cliffhanger. LOST made me fall in love with any cliffhangers. And I am really going to try to write my next chapter on my story. To the thread!!! Swoosh...2009-05-08 23:40:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


Thanks! LOST got me into cliffhangers too, I love that show too much! Anyway, it's late in my country.

To bed! Swoosh...
2009-05-08 23:48:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


New chapter... Pwease?2009-05-16 17:09:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


Haha okelydokely, I'll get writing now 2009-05-16 17:15:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Subscription me please, This story is awesome. ;P
/shamlesscopy-pasteinordertogetonthecriticalacclaimsection

Ok, seriousness now. Very good story with very good cliffhangers (Like LOST), as mentioned before. I love how the amount of revelation rises slowly (Like LOST), and the action packed scenes+mild language rock(LIKE LOST!).
2009-05-17 04:49:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


Yay someone else reading it! If I can get my English homework out of the way, I should have time to work on the new chapter tonight.2009-05-17 09:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Sounds like a long night...
New chapter? Pwetty pweeeeeeeeeeeease?
2009-05-31 16:13:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


WEREWOLVES? I say MADNESS!

...
2009-05-31 16:20:00

Author:
RockSauron
Posts: 10882


MADNESS?! THIS. IS. MY IMAGINATIOOOOOOOOON.

At any rate, I have written another 500 words. Just finishing off the chapter...
2009-05-31 16:21:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Ka-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!


I want more Jack Farshaw >=(
2009-06-04 03:26:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


OKOK, I have written a bit more. This chapter's coming a bit slowly, I know, but I've been doing exams. I had my last one today though, so I can probably work on it a bit more. The trouble is I've had what I wanted to happen in this chapter in my head for ages, but I just can't squeeze it out fully (uhhh...that sounded better in my head). I mean, the other chapters have flowed but this is like a transition chapter that'll take a bit longer... Sorry guys.2009-06-05 19:16:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


I know what you mean, I understand.


And finals do suck.
2009-06-06 20:38:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


Aw man, sorry again, I was planning to finish off the chapter today, but it turns out I have a big family thing...have to go get my picture taken and all I'll try to squeeze some in tonight. :32009-06-07 10:46:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH


IT DIDN'T SAVE

It's gone.

The latest chapter.

Gone.



Guess I have to restart the bloody thing. Gah! So close to finishing it, too!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
2009-06-08 21:51:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH


IT DIDN'T SAVE

It's gone.

The latest chapter.

Gone.



Guess I have to restart the bloody thing. Gah! So close to finishing it, too!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
D;

I always save my stories into Microsoft Word, I had lost my latest chapter (That still isn't done) several times before I did that.
2009-06-08 23:45:00

Author:
Kog
Posts: 2358


So do I! I thought it'd saved, but evidently not! I'll see if it's still in recovery somewhere...2009-06-09 18:58:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280




Well, I shouldn't pressure you, it's not like you're getting payed for this... are you!?
2009-06-13 05:30:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


Maybe I should be!

Anywho, I'm starting to pull myself together and bring myself round to starting the new chapter anew.

EDIT: A quick update for you guys. 445 words done! Just a couple hundred to go...

EDIT2: IT'S OUT! GOGOGOGO!
2009-06-13 09:25:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


I hate picking up on forum stories late *sigh*

/me begins long reading process
2009-06-13 12:48:00

Author:
Shermzor
Posts: 1330


Excellent story! Reminds me of Darren Shan . Had me hooked by half-way through the first chapter. Excellent dialogue btw, I can never write good, natural sounding dialogue.2009-06-14 14:45:00

Author:
Burrich
Posts: 1018


wonderful job, yet again Except now i know theres gonna be a long wait for the next one... OH GREAT, I'M GETTING THE SHAKES!2009-06-15 05:33:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


Wow, this IS like lost. And you SHOULD get payed for this.2009-06-15 06:11:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


Are you seriously 13? Because this is serious good writing for 13... 2009-06-15 15:30:00

Author:
Burrich
Posts: 1018


Thanks for the comments guys! Imma try and get the next chapter out sooner. And, yes, I am 13. I've always enjoyed writing, probably growing from the fact that at primary school (until Year 3, when...it changed.) I finished the work in 5 minutes in English (conjugations - blech), and was told to "go and do some English on the computer in the corner" while everyone finished up. I ended up with a folder of poems, short stories etc....

Anywho...yeah.
2009-06-15 20:15:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Lets see, an awesome commment for the Critical Acclaim section...

'Thisis good.'

<slaps forehead>
Crap. Im an idiot.
Subscibe me puhwease!
2009-07-06 16:50:00

Author:
BlackHairedGoon
Posts: 160


So...umm...did this die? 2009-08-05 19:29:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


HAHAHA! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!

Twill return. Twill.
2009-08-31 18:21:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Bamp! New chapter unleashed upon you all!2009-09-02 02:38:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


nice bumps took long enough ;p

EDIT: Great as usual. Just hope i don't have to wait as long for the next one
2009-09-02 02:52:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


Hehe yeah. Bet you thought I'd gone for good what with my 0% activity, ehh? Haha! I'm back from my holidays!2009-09-02 02:57:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


This. Is. EPICSAUSE.
I actually enjoy reading this! It's a lot better than "Across Five Aprils" that we read in school... (I HATE OLD HISTORY)

But It leaves me on my seat, Especially the newest chapter... And you arn't afraid to write a little bad language or blood... this I like!

By the way... I love the supernatural stories... at least it isn't a romance flick with vampires. (TWILIGHT)

So far, I give it :star::star::star::star: 1/2
2009-09-02 03:16:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


I can honestly say I have never read twilight, and, judging by the pop culture reaction, never want to.2009-09-02 03:29:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


I did to see what the hype was... I didn't finish it, I'll tell you that.
I've also heard people hating twilight being hurt...

http://twilightsucks.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=fangirls&action=display&thread=5175
2009-09-02 03:30:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


That is one disturbing page2009-09-02 03:36:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Weeeee, WEREWOLF BATTLE 8D2009-09-02 19:58:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


Haha, nice comment, Astro.

I've 1/2 written the next chapter, you'll be pleased to here. Morticai has just arrived...
2009-09-03 18:40:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Come on come out with the next chapter soon! I'll be gone until monday but I may give the site a quick check to see the next chapter if its up yet.2009-09-04 04:53:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


Haha, don't get too high hopes after this one. The next chapter is mostly written so it'll be out soon, however the release pattern of the other chapters is...haphazard at best.2009-09-04 22:38:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Well, whaddaya know, the new chapter's here!2009-09-05 02:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


wow, that was fast... and epic Thanks for another great installment!2009-09-05 02:57:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


Hehe, any time burnvictim. Well, maybe not any time, considering my world renowned lack of organis-OH A BUTTERFLY!2009-09-05 03:28:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Well g'dang it.
That was epic.
2009-09-06 15:41:00

Author:
ARD
Posts: 4291


Hehe, thanks. The next chapter's up, a lot less action in this one I'm afraid.2009-09-06 22:01:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Not as actiony, but still good. Theres an error here (you repeated yourself ):


Whatever the cause, our thoughts here at Channel 3 News are with those trying to recover, in a different hospital than their own. This is Julia Hindley, Channel 3 News.?

In a separate seat, Morticai snorted. ?Well, someone was bound to guess correctly. You caused quite a lot of damage, my friend,? he said, ?This is Julia Hindley, Channel 3 News.?

In a separate seat, Morticai snorted. ?Well, someone was bound to guess correctly. You caused quite a lot of damage, my friend,? he said, ?you better be careful next time.?
2009-09-06 22:22:00

Author:
Burnvictim42
Posts: 3322


iThat's a very weird error O.o I've edited it out, thanks for pointing it out2009-09-07 02:09:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


subscription please!! Mods NEED to sticky this its like the best user made thing on the website,


perhaps you could make a movie on lbp about it
2009-09-18 19:14:00

Author:
Kern
Posts: 5078


Haha, that's encouraged me to write another Chapter! I'll try and start/finish it over the weekend! Thanks, Kernel!2009-09-18 20:10:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


I'll have to cancel my subscription, I just don't have time to read it anymore 2009-09-18 22:42:00

Author:
Bear
Posts: 2079


Bawww! But it's the best user-created thing on LBPC, apparently!

Though, to be fair, you did say so when you first subscribed (with that review thing you had going on)
2009-09-19 00:55:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


MAKE MORE CHAPTERS! Please! I have not been making any more lately, but your story is... so good....2009-10-15 03:23:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


Best written thing I seen so far!

Details on characters are sketchy at best, but keeping the reader alert really brought out the tale. Whoa... did I just sound like a critic? In that case:

"A must read for Gadders of any age."- CyberSora

"I **** myself from its glory!"- New York Times (really CyberSora in disguise)



Still. Good read!
2009-10-24 05:16:00

Author:
CyberSora
Posts: 5551


It is not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not the best story here! -chezhead
I counted, its a double negative, well, a 230 negative... whatever.
2009-10-27 00:52:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


I know that was just a deliberate bump to bring this story to my attention, chez, but it's already at my attention.

Trouble is, all the other chapters have been really action-y, and I'm worried you guys won't like a few chapters with a bit less action D:
2009-10-27 00:57:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Trouble is, all the other chapters have been really action-y, and I'm worried you guys won't like a few chapters with a bit less action D:

Ah, it would be fine. Just don't have a year of a love story, then switch to a government conspiracy plot, then to an post-apocalyptic, then a ninja saga, then a RTS, then an interactive RPG, then an ode to cake.
PLEASE.


I know that was just a deliberate bump to bring this story to my attention, chez, but it's already at my attention.:
And no, actually. I just felt like posting a 230 negative critical acclaim.
2009-10-27 02:17:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


I need more chapters. I NEED!
I really don't want to resort to reading dA stories.
Inflating girls? THATS WHAT HALF ARE ABOUT!!!!1!1!111one!11!!!1!

*Breath*

Yeah. I need more chapters. Once you make a new chapter, I make a new chapter for mine.
2009-11-30 00:09:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


It must be chezhead's birthday or something.2010-01-21 01:08:00

Author:
dawesbr
Posts: 3280


Is it my birthday? WELL IT'S CLOSE TO MY HALF BIRTHDAY so why not celebrate with a new chapter.
YES! I've literally waited a couple months (?) for this new chapter, and am glad to see it.

The plot thickens, and that is great. I like plot.

-Adeodatus says hello,
chezhead
2010-01-21 02:24:00

Author:
chezhead
Posts: 1063


ON the other hand, it is only 11 days to MY birthday, so this is a pleasant gift indeed. Who doesn't like secret underground organizations/brotherhoods/foundations/etc.?

This seems to be a finely written chapter and I'm glad Evolution is back up and running I'm looking forward to seeing what happens to Jack and Mark.
2010-01-21 02:28:00

Author:
Astrosimi
Posts: 2046


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