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The Unknown ~ Chapter I - XI ~ Act I ~ 'An Action Adventure Horror Story!'

Archive: 90 posts

The Unknown is the story of a man and what happens to him. The story shall slowly unfold, and you will soon learn who he is, what he's doing, and what's after him. There will be many questions, but there shall also be many answers. This is supposed to be creepy, and action-y, so get ready!

Every several days I shall be adding new parts to this story.

"Intriguing, and gruesome. 2 of my most favouritest aspects of a story. MOAR PLEASE!" -dawesbr

"Good chapter, this is getting really good. Your use of words makes the story so imaginable, I love it." -Whaaaaale

"dude... i just read the first chapter.. finally >_> But, it's awesom!!!!!!!!!1 I'm gonna read the other chapters soon" -Yarbone

"Very interesting! And as Whaaaaale said, take your time. You have excellent vocabulary and a creative mind. With those two elements you'll make a very successful thriller. Sign me up as a subscriber; I can't wait for Chapter VI!" -Xenifus

"Subscriptioneramerisamatise me please.

I just read all the chapters in one go. Good heavens, is this awesome or what? I can't wait for chapters VII, VIII, IX, X, XI etc." -dawesbr

--------------------- Act I ------------------------------------------

Thump -thump, thump thump.

My heart was racing. The cold air slowing my breath. I must keep running. If I stop it will get me, and I couldn't let that happen. The skinny trees passed my eyes, as I dashed through the forest. It was late. Almost 1:00 in the morning. I was so tired, I could feel my eyelids trying to close. But I couldn't. I must keep running.

I passed a large gap in the canopy, and the moons light shined on my face, illuminating my skin, and making my hairs stand up. It was cold, cold as ice. Just like the air. Just like that things heart.

My entire body was screaming for me to stop, I had been running for hours, but I couldn't listen to it. If I stopped the thing would get me, the thing would kill me, and all this hard work would be wasted.

And then I saw it. In the distance I could see light. It was the safehouse. If I could get there I would be safe. I used all the power I could and sprinted. My entire body ached, but I had to ignore it, I had to.

A scream broke the eerie silence that covered this forest. It was the creature, it was closing in. But I was almost there, I could almost touch the front door.

The creature screamed again, it was closer now, but I could still get to the house. I sprinted as hard as I could, I was almost there...

And then I was. I grabbed the front door's knob, and twisted it, throwing the door open, and throwing myself inside. The instant I was in, I slammed the door shut. I rested against the door as I scanned the first floor for something to block the door with. I spotted a large plank of wood. I dashed for it, and put it across the door, resting it on the doors handles.

I stood back from the door. Waiting for some sign that the creature was there. After a minute of nothing, I dropped to the floor, catching my breath, and resting my body. I was safe.

Yet, I was not. As I tried to close my eyes, I heard a loud crash come from upstairs. It was a window. Something must have broken in, and there were only two things anywhere near here; me, and that creature.

And then my heart sped up again.

Thump - thump, thump - thump.

I shook with fright. The creature was in here. But it couldn't be, this was supposed to be a safe house! I'm going to kill whoever told me that; if I make it out of this alive.

All of a sudden there was a large crash, the creature was running about upstairs, smashing into everything. It's probably never been inside before, it lives in a massive forest full of animals for it to eat, but no humans. No human-made technology, except for this place. It was some sort of hotel. Probably didn't get many customers due to a giant killer monster in the surrounded forest.

I can't waste anymore time, I have to get out of here to somewhere safe, somewhere that creature can't get me. I searched the area, it was a large lobby, with a massive staircase leading to the next level, where that creature is. I had to find something soon, the monsters growls and crashes were getting louder. He'd be at the stairs very soon, and then... I would be... I couldn't even think about it.

I kept scanning the area, until I finally found a conveniently named door, called 'Basement - Staff Only'. If I stayed down there, I could wait out the creature, it would probably leave after giving up on finding me. It may be a long time I would have to stay down there, but I shouldn't think about that. As long as I was safe, it would be OK.

The crashing didn't cease, the noise was becoming louder. This was my only chance. I dashed for the door, grabbing the rusty knob and turning it. I pushed the door open and ran in, instantly closing it. I looked around. I was in a small closet like room, with a staircase leading downwards into darkness.

I needed to block the door before I did any adventuring. There were several crates that littered the ground, and I made a nice, strong barricade in front of the door. Hopefully it will keep the creature out. Hopefully.

It was dark in the room, but it had to do, there was no chance I was going back out there. I stared down the staircase that led to the basement. It was almost pitch-black down there. There's nothing else I can do, and I need supplies, which that basement may hold. I took a deep breath, and slowly crept down the wooden stairs. Each step I took made a creaking noise, a noise that might alert the creature. I took my time with each step, trying to make as little noise as possible.

When I reached the bottom I sighed with relief. The creature hadn't heard me, as the door was still intact, and not shaking with the creatures power.

The basements stone floor was the only thing I could see, but there was something else. I could hear something. Something that sounded like... breathing.

I was not alone. Something was down here, and it was close.

I could hear a deep breathing coming from directly in front of me, I was frozen with fear, staring into the darkness. I don't know what it could be, maybe it was another one of the beasts that chased me? Or maybe the beast got down here threw some alternate entrance? No... no, it couldn't be. The breathing... it was... different. It was much deeper, and sounded strange, as if... wet.

I could feel the breath drift across my face. It was so close, I was sure it would attack me, rip me to threads, toss me across the room, anything... but it didn't. It just kept on breathing. Maybe it's injured and can't move, that would explain the loud breathing, or it could even be sleeping. Yes... it must be.

I needed to know for sure, staying here might be safe if it is injured, but almost certainly deadly if it isn't. I needed a light source. I have a flashlight, at least, I think I do. I placed my hand in my pocket and searched, feeling for anything that felt like a flashlight. Tissue, paper, a lighter, and then - I found it. I pulled it out of my pocket and aimed it at the source of the noise. I took a deep breath, then flicked the switch.

In front of me was not a wall, it was not the monster that had chased me here. It was a giant... worm. It was massive, reaching around the entire room, as if a make-shift wall. And, at the source of the noise, was a massive round, mouth, lined with rows and rows of razor sharp teeth.

I gasped, almost losing my balance. I needed to get out of here. I turned around, and dashed for the stairs, but before I could get to them, I was forced to my knees. A painfully loud scream filled the air, pushing me to my knees. I clutched my ears, trying to make it quieter, but I couldn't.

As I knelt there the entire room started to shake, and I could just see the wooden stairs being knocked down. It was the worm, it was closing in, coming closer and closer. It's massive body tore through the stairs, turning it into splinters. That was my only exit.

As I it closed in I learnt the terrible truth; I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do.

I can't believe this was all for nothing. All the preparation, all the lives lost, it was all worthless now. I'm going to die, it's inevitable. In several seconds the worm will wrap it's slimy body around me, and crush me until everyone of my bones is powder. My brain, full of it's knowledge and hope, would be eaten and digested by the evil that I sought to destroy.

There was no way I was escaping the ear shattering scream, its power made me so weak. If I was to escape, I would have to confront the other creature, which would surely kill me. There was absolutely nothing I can do. I am dead. I will die.

As I knelt there, holding my ears, trying to stop the sound, I could hear something else. It was very feint, but it was familiar... so familiar... Then I knew, it was the other creature. It's howl was nothing to be mistook. The shivers that went down my spine every time I heard it, and the feeling of death. I listened to the howling, as if it was a song. The final song I shall hear. The song of death.

Yet... there was more. There was yet another sound. It sounds like... banging, as if something is throwing itself at something. Then I realized, the banging was being made by the other creature. It must of heard the worms scream, and found the basement door. This could be lucky, but I couldn't see how. If it somehow got down here, it would take the liberty of eating me himself.

I finally heard it; the sound of shattering. I couldn't see it, but I just knew the other creature had gotten in. I heard it howl once more, this time the noise was louder, much louder. As it howled, the worms scream started to fade away, and then it stopped.

The worms entire body stayed in place. Then it started to move again, but not towards me, it was moving away. It uncoiled, and started to move to the remains of the stairs. As it moved, it's body blocked my view. It was a wall once again.

I still knelt there, dazed from the screams, and as I did, more noises started. This time it was growling. I stared at the worm, as it shook and wobbled. The worm started to scream more, but it was quickly cut off by more howling. I knew these two were fighting, and this was my only chance to escape.

I picked up my flashlight, and looked around. The room looked like a cave. Its rocky walls rounded by the worm. As I searched for any means of escape the growling grew. The fight was getting ugly. I looked and looked until my flashlight went into darkness. A tunnel. The tunnel went for about 20 feet before being shrouded in darkness. This was it. This was my exit. It may not be safe, but it has to be safer than here.

I quickly dashed into the darkness, holding my flashlight in front of me. My entire body ached, but I knew I couldn't stop, the fight would end soon, and the victor would be hungry. I ran for five minutes. I had no idea where I was going, but I didn't care. Anywhere but here. As the noise faded away and started to slow down until I came to a complete stop.

Beside me was a small crack, just big enough for me to fit through. I squeezed my aching body through the crevice to find myself in a small room. It was cramped, but it had to do. I sat down and rested against the wall, and slowly, I closed my eyes. I could finally rest.

"The old man whistled and he did die, the old man whistled and he did die, he did die, he did... die..."

My eyes flashed open. What was that. It sounded like someone just sung something, it sounded like a little girl...

As I started to stand I noticed something strange. This place... what happened. I stared in horror at what surrounded me. I was not in the cave anymore, but... I was in a house. I looked around more. The whole place was wooden, every piece looking like it would break at any moment. Every step I took made a groan, but aside from that there was complete silence.

Where was I? How did I get here? What is going on... This has got to be a dream, yet... it feels so... real. This place gives me the strangest feeling, as if I was being watched, and something else, something worse, the feeling of... death. I don't know how I feel it, I just do.

I need to get out of here, if it's a dream or not. I scanned the area. I instantly came upon something; a lone TV. The screen flickered with two images, slowly changing between them. First it was treehouse. It was on fire, and I could see somebody in it, burning. I shuddered. Then the second image appeared, it was a beach filled with people, yet there was something very different about it; everyone was dead. It looked like a graveyard. Everyone looked like they just died. I couldn't see any wounds. Maybe they were killed by Chemicals? It must be.

It was strange, as I looked behind the TV, there were no cords. It wasn't even plugged in yet it still worked. Strange... But never mind that, I needed to leave. I scanned the rest of the room. It was barren. There was nothing in here but me and the TV. There wasn't even a door. I walked over to the wooden wall, noticing a small hole in it.

Slowly, I put my eye up to it, peering through. What I saw was crazy. Nothing. Complete blackness. It wasn't even because of no lighting, there was just nothing, as if I was floating in a starless space. As I stared into the dark abyss I felt a chill go up my spine, and then...

She appeared. Right in front of my eyes. Floating in the middle of nothing she looked at me, a smile on her face. She looked perfectly normal, until I saw her eyes. Her eyes were just like the world around her. Nothing. Just a pit of darkness leading to nothing.

I stumbled back from the wall, escaping her glare. I tripped over a piece of wood and landed on my backside. I kept my eyes on the wall, making sure she wasn't coming. I was relieved for a moment, as there was no movement or noise, until... there was a scream. No... not again!

The scream was just like that of the worm's. It was deafening. I covered my ears in a pathetic attempt to stop it, but it did no good. As the screaming went on the walls started to move, as if being peeled away by the nothingness that surrounded me.

Panel after panel they ripped off, flying into the darkness, then completely disappearing. The force was slowly moving towards the panels blocking the girl, until it finally reached her. The panels in front flew away, revealing the little girl. She was still smiling.

I just wanted to jump into the darkness as the panels had done, but the screaming stopped me. What the hell is going on! The girl started to float forward, coming to me. The pits that were her eyes locked onto me. As she moved closer the floor panels started to fly away as well. She passed the TV, and as she did it turned to dust and floated away.

What did she want with me, what was she going to do!?! And then... all the panels were gone, and I was floating in the nothingness as she was. The little girl stopped. Her smile faded away, being replaced by a frown. The screaming stop, and she spoke.

"Do not be afraid. I am not here to hurt you. I am here to join you."

She reached out her hand and touched my forehead. As she did she disappeared, leaving only a feather. The feather slowly drifted to my leg, and landed on it. I looked at it, curious at why it was here.

I slowly reached out to touch it, and when my fingers met the soft feather and blinding light appeared in the distance.

I opened my eyes. I was back. The strange realm I was in was gone, now I sat awkwardly in the small cave. It must have been a dream, it must have been...

As I sat there, thinking about what just happened, a noise started my heart up. Footsteps. And they were getting close.

I held my breath and backed up against the far wall, trying to stay in the darkness. I could hear them getting closer they were almost here. Maybe they will pass me, maybe...

My heart was pounding so fast I thought they would hear it. My hand was shaking and sweat dripped down my face. I felt so much better, as if I had slept for days, maybe I did? I don't know, but it must of been for a while, as my body didn't ache, and I was tired.

They were almost here. I took a deep breath, making sure I didn't make a sound, and stood perfectly still. This little crevice was too small to investigate, they will just pass on by. Please...

As I stood there staring into the darkness, they passed. Two large figures, that looked... human. I couldn't see any other features, as the darkness made them silhouettes. Maybe they don't want to kill me. Maybe they are just here to see if anyone is hurt. No, they couldn't be. Why would normal people be down here, this place was hell. Hell is not somewhere you want to go.

I stayed, perfectly frozen in place, waiting for the footsteps to dissapear, and then, after several heart pounding minutes, they disappeared. My shaking hands grasped the crevice, and pulled my body through. I peered down the hallway, looking for any sign of life. The coast was clear.

As I stepped out of the small room and feint noise brought a shiver up my spine. It was the sound of a little girl, laughing. Ignoring the noise I started to walk down the long tunnel, going the opposite way of the two men.

My walk turned into a jog. If I kept going this way I was sure to get out of this tunnel. Those two people must have come from somewhere. As I kept going down the tunnel I had a very strange feeling, and then that feeling turned into the truth. Footsteps, and they where running... towards me.

I started to sprint. I used all the power I could, trying to out run the two. I though I was until I stopped. My feet just planted themselves into the ground, and I instantly turned around.

Slowly, like demons rising from hell, the two men appeared, and the horrible truth was learnt. As they came closer I saw there clothes, just torn pants that looked like they had been rinsed in mud. One of them was wearing a small ripped T-shirt as well, but the other had no shirt, which showed his massive stomach.

Then I saw there true nature; blood. It was splattered all over there hands and mouth. These people weren't here to save me, they were here to eat me, they were Cannibals. I could see it in there eyes. The way they looked at me as if I was a stuffed turkey, ready to eat.

I was frozen with fear, and something else, something that held me back, as if not wanting me to move. The two men stood in front of me, there blood covered mouths drooling. Then I heard a familiar noise, it was a little girl, and she was laughing. I looked around trying to find see were it came from, but I had no luck. The cannibals looked as if they hadn't heard it... maybe they didn't. Maybe I'm hearing things... Then one of them spoke;

"You kill our pet... we do not like it when people kill our pet. You will be our feast tonight, yes, yes... Mmm... I can taste you already. We shall gnaw off your arms and legs, then let you watch us eat them, then... yes... then we shall eat the rest of you, and you shall slowly bleed out with the image of us eating you in your mind forever."

I shuddered, and as I did, I felt as if I was in control again. I tried to step back and run away, but one ran at me, I knew fighting would be hopeless. And I was right, before he could even reach me, he fell to his knees, screaming. I watched in horror as his skin started to boil and pop. Slowly his skin started to peel away, like a human banana. His companion just stared in horror.

It was petrifying, and gruesome, yet I couldn't take my eyes away from it, as if part of me wanted to watch. What was wrong with me. Soon the man stopped screaming, and all his skin was gone. I thought it was over, until I saw the rest of his body explode and scatter across the tunnels walls. Blood landed on me, and an organ bounced off my shoulder.

When I looked back at the body, all that was left was a bloody skeleton. It was disgusting. But as I stared at it, my legs started to move forward, towards the body. What was I doing? I had no idea. When I was standing directly over the corpse, one of my arms reached out, grabbing a broken piece of bone.

I looked back up at the other man, who replied by running at me screaming. Before he could even touch me my arm lashed out, stabbing the man in the neck with the bone. I let go of the bone as he stumbled back, holding the bone and choking. He fell over and started to wriggle on the ground, but it wasn't long before he went limp.

After all this I was scared beyond belief. Did I do that? If not who did? And if I did... oh my god... I started to run, trying to escape what just happened. Trying to forget it... I couldn't tell how long I ran for, my mind was in shock.

I finally stopped and took a breather. As I stood there I noticed something in the distance. It was light. An exit! With all the strength I had left I ran towards it. This could finally be it, I could finally escape this hellish place!

But I was wrong. As I finally reached the source of the magnificent light, I found myself in a large cave, full of shacks, and people. But these weren't normal people, these were just like the men from the tunnel. They were cannibals. Meat and corpses littered the area, and the smell of death was all around me.

As I watched the people the little girls voice appeared, and she said softly;

"This is going to be fun..."

Slowly me eyelids rose, and light filled my sight. What had happened? All I remember was standing on a ledge, watching the Cannibals camp, then I must of blacked out. I looked around the area, and I was petrified at what I saw. I was still in the large cavern, but now I was down in the Cannibals camp. But that wasn't what scared me. Littered all over the ground were bodies, brutally slaughtered. Blood was everywhere. But who could have done this? It couldn't have been me... or maybe it was her... she did kill those two other cannibals. Yes... she must have.

I felt something in my hand, something sharp. I looked down to see what it was, and to my horror I saw my hand, clutching a large cleaver. The cleavers entire body was covered in blood, the same blood that was splattered on my arm. No... I didn't... I couldn't... no...

Could I have really done this? It was impossible, I have never used a weapon like this before, I wouldn't even be able to use it. It must have been her, she must have controlled me, made me do it. With those words her voice drifted into my ears;

"That was fun! Too bad you had to have a nap. So sad."

That little *****...

"**** you!" I shakily screamed.

"Don't get mad, I was only playing." Her voice was so innocent, yet I knew... I knew she was not.

I held back my anger, and tossed the cleaver to the ground. It slid along the stone floor, stopping at the side of Cannibal. I stared at the Cannibal, as he was different... I didn't know how but- He twitched. He's still alive. I walked beside the man and crouched.

"A friend to play with? Ooo! I like to play!" she sung, as my arm snapped out, grabbing the mans throat.

She was controlling me again. Slowly I began to pick the man off the ground, lifting him into the air. He started to choke. My grip loosened just enough to let him breathe.

"What should we play? 'See How Far We Can Throw The Man', or even better 'Pin The Tail On The Man!'. No! Wait! How about we carve pretty pictures into his skin, and watch him bleed to death? Ooo! I like that one!" The tone of her voice didn't match her words, as if she was some sort of mental killer.

"Please don't hurt us, we gave you the man, you promised you wouldn't hurt us!" the man plead.

What was he talking about? What man?

"What are you talking about? Who is the man?" I asked.

"The special man! We gave you him for five others! You said you needed him."

"I never gave you anyone and you never gave me anyone, you must have me mixed up with someone else."

"You killed all my friends, that means you're magic, and I never seen someone magic, 'sept the man who gave us those people!"

Magic? This man must be crazy. There was no such thing as magic.

I asked; "How was he magic?"

"Well, me and my friends were going to kill him, so we could eat all... um... six - no... er... seven! Ya, seven people. But when we tried to we couldn't. He made us stop, and not do anything. He some sort of mind powers!"

This man seems to be just like the girl in my head. Controlling people, making them do things. But I didn't care about this man, I needed to know who he took.

"Who did he take?"

"Um... I remember he was saying his name, saying for us to let him go. He said his name was... Olive? No... Olivia? No... aha! It was Oliver, Oliver Bandin!"

Oh my god... Oliver Bandin. This man was my mission. He was the reason I was here. I was supposed to find this man, take him back to our base. This was good news, now I could get him and escape this hell hole!

"Were did the man go?" I needed to find out.

"That way!" The man pointed over to the opposite side of the cavern were a large tunnel descended into darkness.

Great. More darkness. I was about to thank the man, but before I could do so my arm pulled him close to me, seconds before tossing him through the air, were he landed with a spike through his chest. His organs seeped out, and I turned away in disgust.

"He he, that was fun! Let's go get more friends." the little girl shouted.

I needed her to get out of my head, I couldn't take anymore of her power, her insanity. Maybe the man with the powers could help... yes, that could work. I started to walk towards the dark tunnel, and as I reached its entrance I noticed a knife on the floor. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I may need this.

I kept walking for several minutes, slowly going through the ghostly darkness. I had lost my flashlight, and so there was no way for me to see what lay ahead. But I kept walking, soon I could find Oliver, take him back to the base, and we could end all this. Finally.

Darkness. That was all I could see. It was the only thing that welcomed me to this hellish place. Like walking towards your own fate, as if letting myself die. It was all so much, but I knew it had to be done. Oliver was the last living person that could save us.

I had been walking for hours; it was as if these tunnels would never end. Maybe they don't. After all that happened so far I wouldn't be surprised. But I was wrong, because after a while a neared a light. A bright green light illuminating from a spot in the wall. I slowly stepped towards it, having no idea what it could be. As I neared it, it's shape became clear, and I could tell what it was. It was a rock. It was very small, and clear, but something inside it made the bright light.

"Ooo... pretty! I want it!" the little girl shouted as my hand slowly moved towards it, "Just keep your hand on it for a second."

My palm rested on the rock. The texture was smooth, and it was very warm, maybe the light was a strange fire.
Yet, as I held it on for longer, a strange feeling started to move threw out my body. The sensation changed until finally my vision disappeared, being replaced by a blinding light. All I could feel was the smooth texture of the rock, but as the light brightened I could feel something in me, a strange feeling crawling up my arm. My hairs stood up as the feeling moved across my body. Slowly it made it's way to my chest, were it slowly disappeared. The light then dimmed and my vision cleared.

I tumbled back from the rock, and looked at my chest. There was nothing there. I looked back at the rock, to see it's light gone, with a small hole sticking out of the side. I looked at my palm, to see, in complete disgust, a puny hole surrounded by black dust.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked the little girl.

"Well you just swallowed a durm." she happily replied, "That rock is actually an egg, and when you put your hand on it, it went into your hand, and into your body. Those things are very powerful for their size, and with it I now have more power. Here, you seem to be a bit tired, have this."

As her last words ended the strange feeling came back but this time much faster and it went all over my body. As if something was crawling under my skin, a feeling went right down to my legs, my arms, and even my head, as they did I felt dizzy and almost fell over. Images past through my head of darkness and caves, and the same green light that came from the egg. My arms and legs tingled and I fell to my knees. I felt like I was flying through space at high speeds, changing planets into blurs. Then it stopped, the tingling and the images.

I blinked and shook my head. Slowly I stood up.

"What the hell." I angrily said.

"That always happens, but it's for the best!" she cheered, "That just improved your mind, strength, speed, and overall stability. You aren't a super human, but you can run without getting tired, and you are much stronger."

She was right, I felt much better, the tiredness I had had moments ago was now gone, replaced with power. I felt good - No. I felt great. As I looked down into the darkness that would soon be my route, the ground shook. I wasn't an earthquake, just a quick thump. Then it happened again. And again. And again. They sounded like... footsteps... Anything that made that much of a racket while walking must be big, and, thanks to experience, I knew that everything big down here wasn't looking for a friend, they were looking for a meal.

I stared into the darkness looking for whatever was coming. But as seconds passed I knew the horrible truth, the creature was behind me. I turned around, looking back to were I came from... and saw it.

Slowly, it's massive silhouette turned into a massive body, and then the colours appeared, showing its black fur, and massive patch of white on it's stomach. It's head almost touched the roof, it must be at least twice the size of me. It's whole body slowly came out of the darkness, and as I watched it, I noticed it looked like a panda, a massive panda. But, it was no panda, as when I looked at it's face, I didn't see two beedy eyes look back at me, and I didn't see two fuzzy ears listen to my breathing, no, I saw a hole. It had the shape of a head, but in the center of it's face was a hole, it looked like some sort of votex, spiraling on hit. The hole didn't move though, and just stayed in place, like someone threw something so fast and so hard at it's face that it went into it, and stayed there.

As the creature came towards me I noticed something else, one of it's arms was carrying a thin stick that lay on it's shoulder, and at the end of it was a small lantern. But that was not the strangest thing, for his other arm was behind him, carrying something huge that dragged along the floor. It was an axe. A massive axe that looked twice the size of me. The axe screeched as it moved along the floor.

I was frozen with fear and curiosity. It hadn't noticed me yet, so maybe I was safe standing still. Finally it walked right my when it stopped. My heart sped up. Maybe it noticed me, maybe it was going to kill me. It slowly turned its body towards me. Its... hole... still staring at the wall. Once it's entire body was facing me, it slowly tilted it head until the hole was aimed right at me. I thought it might shoot something out fo the hole, and slice me with the axe, but instead it moaned, and turned it's head down the tunnel, were I was going to go. The motion seemed as if it was telling me to go.

As I stared down the tunnel, it moved it's body back to the way it was, and started to walk again. As it kept going, a strange feeling came to my stomach, and there was something telling me to follow it. So I trusted my instinct and ran to catch up with it, were I slowed to a walk, and started to follow the creature.

Maybe this thing can help me. So slowly, me and the creature walked into the darkness. With this new companion and my new power, I felt better than I ever had. I knew I could get Oliver now, I just new it.

We walked for an hour, shrouded in darkness, the creatures lantern being our only light source. As we went down the long tunnel, we passed many more of the eggs, the fact that there were living creatures in there bringing a chill down my spine. With all this time, I could think, and as I was, I noticed something. I hadn't heard the little girl for the entire hour. It seemed like she was gone, maybe she was. But there was no way to know for sure.

The massive creature didn't make a sound either, it just stayed infront, rumbling the ground with every step. He didn't stop to see if I was still behind him, maybe he didn't care, or he just knew I was here. The creature was so strange, but brought the feeling of safety to me. And down here, safety was very rare.

As we walked down the long tunnel a strange noise cought my ear. It had come from behind us. I stopped and turned around, staring into the darkness. Hoping to see nothing. And I did, for several seconds, as a moment later something came crawling out. It looked like a beetle, and it was crawling on the ceiling, but as it neared me, I saw that it was no giant bug, as it's face was human. I shuddered and turned around, running to catch up with the creature, but the beetle was too quick, and landed on the floor infront of me.

I didn't know what to do. It's human mouth growled, and opened inhumanly wide. I couldn't see the creature I was following anymore. This was not good. At this point I remembered the knife I had picked up before. Slowly I reached for my pocket, where I kept it, and pulled it out. I put it infront of me, aiming at the beetle.

"That thing looks nasty!" the girl shouted. She was back. "Kill it or I will."

I just stayed put, trying to ignore the girl. But her patience wore thin, and I felt my hand slip away from my control, my feet too. I slowly walked towards the beetle, my hand getting ready to strike, but before she could, I regained control, and I tumbled back.

As I lay on my back staring into the almost human eyes of the beetle, a shape flew through the sky coming from behind the beetle. As it came closer, I recognized it as the axe the creature had. It spun through the air, as if in slow motion, and before I even knew it, the axe landed right on the beetles back, splitting it in half. Green goop splattered my face and body.

Then the rumbling appeared, and the creature appeared out of the darkness. Slowly it walked over to the beetles corpse, and pulled the axe out from the ground. The creature looked at me, moaned, and turned back. I got off my back, and brushed some of the dirt and goop off of my face. I jogged to catch up with the creature, and we slowly continued on our journey.

I was tired of this ever lasting tunnel, and the darkness that filled it. I wanted to get out of here, and taste the fresh air and the smell of life. The only thing you could smell down here was rotting flesh, something that stayed with you.

But as we kept walking the darkness slowly disappeared, being replaced by light. The giant creature blocked me from seeing what was ahead, so I ran beside him. As I looked at the rocky walls, I noticed they started to change. The dirty, rocky walls started to change into metal. The metal was tainted with rust. What was this? Metal down here? Why? I we started to reach the source of the light, I noticed a small metal door in the wall.

The giant creature stopped at the door, and turned to me. It did the same thing it did when we met, and motioned me to the door. I took a deep breath and grabbed the doors handle. I slowly turned it, releasing a blinding light that came from within. Slowly the light dimmed as my eyes adjusted to the light.

I looked back at the creature, making sure I was supposed to go in. The creature just stared at me. I took that as a yes, and walked into the place. As I did I found myself in a large room, completely made of metal. Giant metal supports littered the area, along with several fences and crates.

I slowly maneuvered through the metal, looking for anything that stood out. And I did. In the center of the room was a large metal cage, and lying in it was a man. His clothes torn, and his body covered in dirt. I walked to the cage, and tapped on the bars.

The man twitched and and got up. He backed away from me and placed his back against the bars.

"Who... who are you?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"My name is Daedalus Bardin." I answered.

"Ba-Bardin?" he shakily asked, "That's my last name..."

"I know, I'm your son."

Finally, I had found him. I had found my father. I would save him, and he would save the world.

"Oh my god... Daedalus..." as he said this, he moved away from the bars, and slowly came towards me. "You're my son... I thought you were dead..."

"Do I look dead to you?"

He grinned.

"Thank god you're alive, thank god you're here! I thought I was going to die in this cage."

"Why are you even in this cage?"

"It put me hear."

"What's 'it'?"

"The... the man... he had no face. Get me out of this cage, and I will tell you everything. The key is just on the crate over there."

He pointed to a small box in the corner of the room. I walked over to it, and took the large key that lay there. I turned and walked to the cage's door. Carefully I placed the key in the lock, and twisted it sideways. There was a small click, and the lock opened. I took it off, and through it away, opening the door to let my father out.

"Thank you son." he said as he slowly stepped out of the cell.

He walked over to a small crate and sat on it. I did the same.

"I was on the roads when I heard of the incident," he started, "It was on every radio station. The whole incident was unreal, and I was scared, but I knew I had to get you. As I was driving home something attacked my car, and knocked me off the road. It was one of the creatures that came out of the shuttle. I'd never seen any of them, but the radio told me about them, saying they looked like something from hell, something that comes from your darkest nightmares. But anyways, after the car was wrecked, I ran into the forest, hoping to get away from the creature. After a while I reached an abandoned hotel. I ran inside, and stayed there for a while, living on some of the places food, which was probably expired, and lived in a fancy room that I made a small base. I didn't know if the creature was still in the forest, but I didn't want to take any chances."

"Oh, well it still is."

"What?"

"When I came here it kinda chased me, but I lost it."

"Oh, well that's good. Anyway, back to my story; After living in that place for four years I finally ran out of food, and was forced to search for more. I went to the basement, to find it empty. The only thing I found was a massive tunnel. I followed the tunnel, and found a small town filled with people. Once they had captured me I knew they were not nice, and later discovered they were cannibals. They were going to eat me but luckily a man came. He traded five people for me. Then he took me down another tunnel, and took me here were he stuffed me in this cage and left."

"Who was the man?"

"He was strange. I couldn't see any face on him, it might have been the darkness, but it didn't look like there was anything there. The rest of his body was covered in a dirty black robe."

"Strange... We should leave now."

"Yes, yes we should."

We both stood up and walked to the metal door.

"It's good to see you son."

"You too dad."

I grabbed the doors handle, and opened it, letting my dad through. Before I could even go through it he jumped back in.

"Wha- What is that!?!"

"Don't worry, he won't hurt you."

"He helped me get here. He showed me were you where."

"Oh, that's good. I thought he was going to eat me, just like everything else down here."

He collected himself, and walked out into the tunnel, were I followed. The creature was staring down the tunnel, as if he could see something. As we walked up to him a loud growl made me jump. I looked down into the darkness, the way the creature was looking. And then slowly a large shape formed. A massive creature that was almost touching the ceiling. When only it's silhouette was showing it stopped and roared.

The panda creature placed his lantern on the floor and pulled his axe infront of him, holding it with two hands.

This was going to get ugly.

Slowly I stepped back, away from the creatures, and their inevitable fight. I grabbed my fathers shoulder pulling him with me. We ran back to the metal door, and turned around, staring back at the two.

Now the other monster had come out of the darkness and revealed itself. It was massive and it had to bend over to stop it's head from hitting the rocky ceiling. It's skin was grey, and covered with dirt. It's muscles were massive and so was it's belly. The good thing was a small piece of cloth covered it's groin, as I could not even imagine what would be under there, and there was no why I wanted to know.

I watched it's hands, it's only weapon, as at it's fingers tips were razor sharp claws, easily able to rip me in two. The creature rose them into a striking pose and it closed in onto our companion. But our companion was ready, with it's massive axe held in both hands.

The other creature stopped about 30 feet from our companion. They both stared at each other, the giant creatures eyes blazing. As I watched the two creatures my father nudged me.

"Son... son?" he asked.

"What is it?" I anwsered, keeping my eyes on the creatures.

"Lets get out of here, let those two things kill each other. It's a perfect time to leave!"

"No, I can't leave him. He's... a friend."

"You always were stubborn." he said as he walked over to the metal wall and sat down, "If we die, it's all your fault."

"I know dad, I know."

As our conversation finished the giant creature stood back, and quickly ran forward dashing for our companions face. But, as if he knew when it would happen, he dashed side ways, quickly turning around, and slamming down his axe on the creatures, no visible, tail.

Blood gushed out, and as the creature kept moving forward, it's tail stayed. The creature screeched with pain, quickly turning back at the panda. It roared, and ran forward with it's claws ready to slice. But, yet again, the panda was too quick. The panda jumped out of the way and smashed the back of the creatures head with the axe. The attack only created a small cut, but it was still painful for the creature.

Yet again it screamed with pain, and almost fell over. It steadied itself and turned around. Screeching again, it ran to the panda, but without warning stopped, and swiped at the unsuspecting panda. The panda quickly blocked the attack with it's axe, but the power of the creature was too great, and the axe went flying.

I watched as it scittered into the darkness, and disappear from view. I quickly turned my attention back to the fight to see the creatures hands wrists being held my the panda. The panda was slowly pushing the creature against the tunnels rough wall.

But, unluckily, the creatures foot sprang out, hitting the panda in the stomach and sending him flying back. The panda landed hard on it's back, and as he started to get up, the other creature jumped ontop of him, swiping at his face. The panda was helpless. I had to do something, and I did.

I ran towards the two creatures, stopping ten feet away from them. I looked at the rocky floor, and picked up a large rock. Using my new strength, and threw it at the creatures head. It was a direct hit, smashing it on the forehead.

The creature screeched, and got off the panda. It turned towards me, and starting walking forwards. I ran away not turning my head from the creature, but it's pace was too fast. As I stared at it, my foot caught on a rock, and I fell over. The creature walked right above me, and looked down. It growled, and stared right into my eyes.

I quickly glanced back at the panda. It had gotten up, and was now standing in place. It was strange, as it's body was shaking, and its fur was standing straight up. Slowly it walked towards us, the creature above me not noticing. I knew at any second it would strike, and slaughter me, but before it could even move, the panda was behind it. The panda moved both arms straight out beside itself, and faster than a blink of an eye, smashed them closed onto the giant creatures head.

The speed and power the panda had put into that strike was immense, so immense that the other creatures head litterally disappeared. All that was left were small chunks littered across the floor. Several were on my chest. I quickly brushed them off, and got up. That was the second time he had saved me.

As I looked at the massive creatures corpse, it started to move. I stepped back, watching as the creatures back started to move. It looked like something was underneath it's skin, and there was. Like a giant pimple the creatures back popped, and a large mass of gas came out.

Like somesort of ghost, the gas started to change shape, slowly turning into the shape of a human. It's gaseous body slowly changed to a large robe.

"That's the man who put me in the cage!" he shouted.

The gas creature looked in my direction and slowly drifted down from the corpse. It walked over to me, and stood there. Staring at my face, just like the other creature had. I looked back towards the panda, hoping for it too help me. But it just stood there.

As the ghostly figure stared at me, a strange sound started to come from infront of me. I looked back at the panda, and was shocked at what I saw. A round shape was slowly coming out of the panda's vortex of a face. At first I thought it was an egg, but as it's whole shape came out I knew that it was a balloon. It slowly floated upwards before stopping, being held back by a string that went back into the pandas face.

I watched the balloon, and as I did, it started to move, yet, it wasn't the balloon that moved, it was something inside it. As the movement increased the balloons sides started to push outwards, and then finally, it popped. The pieces of balloon floated down to the ground, being replaced by a strange group of creatures.

They floated in the air, and had the tentacles of a squid. They were the size of my hand. They slowly floated over to me and the ghostly figure, and as they did I noticed they had tons of small eyes littered across their tops. There were about ten of them, and only nine went over to the figure, whilst the other came to me.

The nine others circled the creature, as it kept it's eyes on me. After several laps around him they moved closer to him, then stopped. The figure looked at them, and instance before they dashed at him. Each of their little tentacles stabbed into it's robe, and slowly, it faded away, only leaving it's tattered robe behind.

The one infront of me floated at my eye level. I stared back into it's many little eyes. As if dazed I kept staring at them, yet still afraid of it. Before I even knew it, it struck me with it's tentacle right in my forehead, and everything went black.

I woke up still standing, and still in the same spot as I was before. I felt my forhead, and felt nothing, I didn't even feel any different. I looked over at the metal door, to see my father still standing there. I looked at the panda, just cathing a glimpse of the small little creatures going back into a small group, were a balloon started to grow around them. A small string came out of the pandas face, and attached itself to the balloon, it then pulled the balloon back into the small vortex thing, and the panda turned to me.

As it had done twice before moaned at me just before turning around and walking down the tunnel, to our hopefully final destination: out of these god forsaken tunnels.

I ran up to my father, and we both caught up to the panda. My father turned at me and smiled.

"Good job son."

"Thanks Dad."

We both grinned at each other and kept walking, following the panda into our new future; one with my father.

We walked down the dark tunnels for a while, going around many bends. Through this time I had time to speak to my father. I needed to know something, something that he had lied about before.

"Dad, why did you lie to me?" I asked.

"Lie to you? Why would I lie to you?" he answered, shocked at my question.

"I know that you lied about learning of the incident on the road, and that you were actually at the scene." I told him.

He looked away, and then looked back.

"I'm sorry... I should've told you..." he whimpered.

"As long as you tell me what really happened it's ok." I said.

"I didn't want to remember what I saw." he started, "Well, I was driving home and I passed Space Exploration launch sight, and I noticed a massive group of people surrounding a space shuttle. It was the shuttle that was sent to mars. So I quickly turned on the radio, and changed it to the news cast. It was the big story. They said that we lost contact with the shuttle, and then it came back, weeks early. It hadn't even touched Mars yet. I was curious about what happened and so I got out of the car, and went over to the massive crowd. I stayed far back, just enough to see the shuttle well. That's when I noticed something was wrong; the cockpits window shield was splattered with blood. This creeped me out, but I still stayed. I kept watching as a group of police went into the shuttle. Then people started screaming. Then SWAT team members rushed in, to be followed by more screams. At this point a massive chunk of the crowd had ran off. More SWAT cars came and more SWAT members went in, and I swore I saw a tentacle pull one man in, breaking his bones, as it turned him the wrong way and pulled him into the shuttle. I was completely freaked by this and started to run back to my car, along with almost every other civilian. As I reached my car I turned back towards the shuttle, and saw the entire shuttle explode. Police men and SWAT members went flying, along with a lone cameraman and his reporter. As I watched the thing explode more tentacles burst out of the firey mess, and stretched way out into the air. With this happening I jumped into my car, and quickly drove off. With one last glance I saw the thing that had caused the mess. It disappeared quickly, but I saw it good enough to know that is was something from HELL. After that it split into hundreds of things that quickly blurred past me and across the city. Several seconds later I saw an explosion go off in the middle of the city."

"Oh my god..." I stuttered, "But were did you go after that?"

"Well I didn't lie about this part," he started, "I just drove for home to get you and your mother, but was knocked of the road by a creature. Then I went to the hotel, and you know the rest."

"I have a friend who was at the scene too," I told him, "he said he was looking at you drive off, and saw you look at the creature, when he turned back the creature was gone. You were one of the only people who saw the thing, and that's why we need you. My friend had no idea how important you were at the time, he just wanted to ask what you saw, so he tried to find you, but only found your overturned car. He was going to search but was chased off by the same creature that got you and me. After that incident the world really went to hell, and only a small percent of the worlds people survived. Me and a large group of people met up, and we created a base at a local mall. Slowly we gained more people. Good thing that mall was full of supplies."

"God ****..." he whispered, "But why do you need me? I saw it, but that doesn't do anything."

"Well," I started, "We found one of the many creatures that the big one split into, and when we saw it, thoughts and images filled our head. The thoughts were about the things it saw, and other things we didn't know of. The images were places, we think they were targets. So we think, soon as you saw the creature you might know-"

"What is was thinking..." he said, finishing my sentence for me "Now that you mention it, I did get a head ache when I saw that thing, but I didn't get any thoughts and images in my head."

"Don't worry, we have a guy with a solution to that." I answered

"But what are you going to do with these thoughts?" he asked

"We are going to find every single bit of this monster, and kill it."

As I finished this sentence we went round a corner, and as I looked ahead, I saw what I had been dying for; day light. I quickly dashed for the exit, passing the panda. In several seconds I had reached the exit, and it was no fake. I finally stepped into the bright light of day. I let's it's warmth flow over my body. I was finally free. Several seconds later the panda and my father emerged from the cave.

The panda walked behind me were he stopped and started to make a low moaning noise. I looked at him, wondering what he was doing, but quickly learned. Dashing through the forest a large shape moved towards us. It was the creature that had chased me into the tunnels, it was the creature that had attacked my father, it was the demon.

I was about to run away, but the panda looked at me and moaned. As if controlling me I did. The demon slowly approached us. As he did, a quiet voice came into my head;

"Do not run my friend. I have been trying to reach you for a while. Good thing my friend here found you, or you would be dead."

I just stood there staring at the demon. Now I could see what it was, it looked like a lizard, but it stood on its hind legs. But the thing that stayed with you were it's eyes, glowing orange, just like the sun. They stared right back at me, as if looking into my soul.

"You and your father kept running from me, and I tried to stop you, but I think you thought I was going to kill you, I usually do that to people."

"Wh- Who are you?" I asked, stuttering.

"I am Vay, and this is Arkan." it anwsered.

"Where did you come from?"

"We didn't, we were born here, the day our creator arrived. I believe you know him, as he is a very powerful and evil being." Vay answered.

"How did you get here?"

"You ask a lot of questions, but anyways, I think our master crashed into your shuttle, and then the shuttle came here. Our creator always wants everything to be his, and so he attacked your planet, and created us and many other creatures. But there are very few creatures that are good like us, the rest are as evil as their creator. Also, my friend noticed that you have a durm in you."

"Ya, one got in me."

"That isn't good," he said, "Has it controlled you?"

"Um... no, but some other voice has been controlling me."

"That's the durm."

"But it started before the durm got in me."

"Hm..." he thought, "Have you slept in the caves?"

"Yes."

"Well then, one must have gotten into you then."

"But what does a little worm have to do with a voice in my head?"

"Well, those little worms have a spirit in them. They go into human bodies, and take control of them. After being in control they need more power, and that's probably why the second one went in, the first one needed to eat it."

"Well that explains a lot..." I sighed.

Arkan moaned at us, and Vay looked at him.

"My friend is saying that we must go, he knows that you need to get somewhere, so we should go."

"Yes," I told him, "We should."

"What?" my father asked me, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry," I answered, "We can trust them. The big on is called Arkan, and the creature that chased us is Vay."

"How do you know that? That thing chased us, and tried to kill us!"

"No, it was just trying to speak with us."

"How do you know that?"

"Just shut up and trust me."

With that me, Vay and Arkan started to walk off, my dad quickly joined us. Slowly, as always, we walked towards our destination, and the place were we will destory the creatures that have destroyed our world. We will end this war, and we will be victorious.

Hope was on our side, and it was a giant fuzzy panda.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Hope you liked these chapters! More will come soon!

2009-04-01 01:05:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

ahhh... no posts yet

....
I haven't read it actually
Sorry... I'll read this story when i feel like it... because now... I'm tired...

I really like your previous work

2009-04-07 20:46:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Thanks for actually posting, I thought this would just stay at the bottom, and never be posted on! If you like my previous work you will like this even more, as the writing (I think) is much better!

EDIT: New chapter up! It took me a while to type, so I'll do Chapter IV tomorrow. Chapter III ends pretty awesomely, and with a big cliff hanger so it'll keep you on your seats.

2009-04-07 23:22:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

It's really good and suspensful. The giant worm was a bit WTF though.

2009-04-08 09:47:00

Author:
Don Vhalt

Posts: 2270

ZOMG is he playin POKEMANS!?

2009-04-09 22:52:00

Author:
qrtda235566

Posts: 3664

ZOMG is he playin POKEMANS!?
Lol no. Unless Cannibalistic people, giant slaughtering worms, a beast from the pits of hell, and a forest of unkown power and monsters is like Pokemon.

Also, @ Don Vhalt; The story behind the worm will be released in a later chapter, Chapter 5, but if you really wanna know now...

The worm is a sort of Pet to a group of Cannibals. They use the worm to Kill the meal, then chop it up. After a while they will come and take the remains, which they will eat.

2009-04-09 23:27:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Veridian Forest.

DUH!

2009-04-09 23:32:00

Author:
qrtda235566

Posts: 3664

I am subscribing!

2009-04-10 01:01:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

I am subscribing!
Thanks!

And @ Awesomemans; After posting that I noticed that there are many forests in the land of Pokemons.

Also, there will be two new chapters tomorrow, or at least one. You will discover what happens to our character, and what he learns.

EDIT; I made a new group called the Author-ity! If you love to write anything of anykind you should join! I can tell members secret stuffz about this story :O

2009-04-10 06:43:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Good chapter, this is getting really good. Your use of words makes the story so imaginable, I love it.

2009-04-11 21:17:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Good chapter, this is getting really good. Your use of words makes the story so imaginable, I love it.
Thanks! If you read the first Chapter, then the fourth, you can tell that my descriptive abilities have definitively improved. Now, when I read books, I really look at the words the authors use, and see how they describe things, and their choice of words.

Chapter V is coming out soon (It better be V, as I am not very good with roman numbers.) and lets just stay, it'll almost be 'unreal'.

2009-04-11 21:36:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Thanks! If you read the first Chapter, then the fourth, you can tell that my descriptive abilities have definitively improved. Now, when I read books, I really look at the words the authors use, and see how they describe things, and their choice of words.

Chapter V is coming out soon (It better be V, as I am not very good with roman numbers.) and lets just stay, it'll almost be 'unreal'.

Holy crap I'm not going to lie this story is getting scary LOL, I love it though. Can't wait for the next chapter, remember quality over quantity, take your time on these so far they've all been of great quality.

2009-04-12 01:54:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Very interesting! And as Whaaaaale said, take your time. You have excellent vocabulary and a creative mind. With those two elements you'll make a very successful thriller. Sign me up as a subscriber; I can't wait for Chapter VI!

2009-04-12 02:23:00

Author:
Xenifus

Posts: 306

2009-04-12 02:45:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

dude... i just read the first chapter.. finally >_> But, it's awesom!!!!!!!!!1 I'm gonna read the other chapters soon :hero:

2009-04-13 10:27:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

subscriptonz!

2009-04-13 10:29:00

Author:
Unknown User

subscriptonz!
Added.

New chapter may or may not come out today, and if not it's gonna come out tomorrow. Also I'm going to add a 'preview' for the next chapter every time I finish a new one.

2009-04-13 18:36:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Added.

New chapter may or may not come out today, and if not it's gonna come out tomorrow. Also I'm going to add a 'preview' for the next chapter every time I finish a new one.

Chapter VI sounds gruesome... Seriously, real gross xD. But I still can't stop reading, haha.

2009-04-13 23:30:00

Author:
Xenifus

Posts: 306

Chapter VI sounds gruesome... Seriously, real gross xD. But I still can't stop reading, haha.
You're right!

Chapter VI is out, and oh boy is it long and gruesome! I mean, this one is really long... lol.

2009-04-14 00:02:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

That was disgustingly interesting...
It sounds like the girl is guiding his entire body in dangerous situations.

2009-04-14 00:21:00

Author:
Xenifus

Posts: 306

2009-04-14 01:41:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Oh man that was an awesome chapter, I wish I had a little girl protecting me... Really good chapter though.

...On second thought, I'll pass...

I'm liking the whole thing though honestly, really good, I can visualize everything and the story is just awesome, I wonder who the girl is, actually I really want to find out who this character is!
Ya, you wouldn't want her, she isn't trying to protect him, shes just using him like a doll, and shes just having fun by killing them.

You'll see some more of her powers in the next chapter, and then something major about her the next time!

2009-04-14 04:47:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Ya, you wouldn't want her, she isn't trying to protect him, shes just using him like a doll, and shes just having fun by killing them.

You'll see some more of her powers in the next chapter, and then something major about her the next time!

OMG SPOILERZ!!!

2009-04-14 06:36:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Subscriptioneramerisamatise me please.

I just read all the chapters in one go. Good heavens, is this awesome or what? I can't wait for chapters VII, VIII, IX, X, XI etc.

2009-04-15 22:00:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Subscriptioneramerisamatise me please.

I just read all the chapters in one go. Good heavens, is this awesome or what? I can't wait for chapters VII, VIII, IX, X, XI etc.

dood... i lol'd at that xD

anywayz... I agree with you, this story is some fully awesome stuff

I still have to read the last chapter though.

2009-04-15 22:12:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Thanks you guys, I'll be adding dawesbrs subscription soon, and if you wanna subscribe just tell me Yarbone!

Thanks to your awesomely nice feedback, and my empty schedule, I will HOPEFULLY add a new chapter in a bit. I haven't written a rough copy yet, so it may take some time.

2009-04-15 23:41:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

yeh man, you're right! Subscribez0rzibility!!

2009-04-16 05:14:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Another great chapter, lots of talk, but it was well needed, now we know why he's here.

Or do we? Lol, I dunno, but it was another great addition to the story, keep it up Cog!

2009-04-16 05:24:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Intriguing, and gruesome. 2 of my most favouritest aspects of a story. MOAR PLEASE!

2009-04-16 09:16:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Thanks to the great feedback I am adding a new thing for the story that will make subscribing much more worth it!

Check for major updates on the main post to learn more!

2009-04-16 23:21:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

I don't see any major updates, and I'm off to bed now. I'll check in the mownin'

2009-04-16 23:34:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

In the next chapter, the character that I have been waiting forever to introduce, is coming. He won't be in much, but in a later chapters he will be seen a lot. (He may even join our main character!)

Who is this secret character? (This will be one of the only spoilers I tell to non-fans,) Well I won't say much, but he is a big character, and not human. He also has several little friends that live in his head inside a balloon! He may sound weird but when he comes he will be awesome.

2009-04-17 01:53:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

So, I'm an Unknown Fan right? Ahahhahah wooo!

2009-04-17 04:32:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

So, I'm an Unknown Fan right? Ahahhahah wooo!
Yes you are you blubbery buffoon, you!

Also awesome new avatar, needs an epic signature to go along with it!

2009-04-17 05:01:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

So I'm an Unknown Fan too, right?

Whadda I get for my sig?

2009-04-17 14:30:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

ah! this is getting good

I just read the last 2 chapters... really awesome!

Btw... i don't think you have to post spoilers to fans actually, because it would spoil it <_< ofcours >_>

i know it's only when you're asking for it, but still

And i see you added a banana and some bones, I know you would think of me :3 (see Hamsalads story if you don't understand

)

2009-04-17 17:18:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

So I'm an Unknown Fan too, right?

Whadda I get for my sig?
No, not yet. I believe you have 4 points (The quotes post doesn't count because it's only a question if you are one, so it doesn't count.)

Oh! Sweet I just noticed that you put a advertisement in your signature! Sweet, thanks! Yes, you can definitely become a fan now. +2 points for you!

And @ Yarbone; When you are a Fan, you can just ask for stuff, I don't HAVE to tell you anything to ruin it, I'd only say so if you were curious. Also, I didn't really think of you when I put in the banana and bones, lol. But that gave me another idea for the 'fan' thing. If you are a fan you can ask to have some sort of thing that has to do with you, such as a banana and bones for Yarbone, or a giant whale for Whaaaaale.

2009-04-17 18:39:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

I just read your story Cog. It was good, i enjoyed the use of words, I could see most of what you were describing in my head

I'll keep checking back, I want to see how it all ends

Good job

2009-04-17 19:02:00

Author:
GruntosUK

Posts: 1754

I noticed this in the 'Feast' chapter:

=======================================
Two large figures, that looked... human. I couldn't see any other features, as the darkness made them silhouettes.....

[skipping a part here]

.....If I kept going this way I was sure to get out of this tunnel. Those two men must....
=======================================

First here you say that he couldn't recognize what they looked like and a few moments later you say that they are actually two men. That's kinda weird, right? I hope you know what i mean

EDIT: something like: As i looked closer, they appeared to be two men... yeh

2009-04-17 19:16:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Yes I do, I'll fix that.

Also, I will be adding a new chapter today! Hooray! Now for some awesome character to come!

2009-04-17 19:31:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

will today still be today for me?

2009-04-17 19:54:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Good writing. Hopefully I'll have something to compare to my own when I eventually post my first ones.

Edit: Hopefully I never decide to make a book and have some evil person from this forum steal my work...grrr.

2009-04-17 20:35:00

Author:
Echonian

Posts: 279

2009-04-17 20:37:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Cog, it's been 11 hours, where's my fix?!

As to putting in something related to the user, I've reaaaally lucked out there xD

2009-04-18 08:01:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

oooh, nice story

subscriptionize me captain! (please

)

and dawes' siggy link is what got me here... feel like i should give credit where its due.

2009-04-18 08:49:00

Author:
Burnvictim42

Posts: 3322

I read one chapter. Interesting stuff. I'm going to continue to work on my own story mostly, that's why I've only read one chapter. I only wish I had at least one person giving me feedback. You have fans! I've got nothing at all.

2009-04-18 09:42:00

Author:
Echonian

Posts: 279

Wow. Nice long chapter, that giant panda dude seems weird. Sort of like pyramid head...as a panda. Loved the fact that only now, with this panda dude the size of a building, can he catch them. What hope did he have before?! (Except for the girl as well)

2009-04-19 09:56:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

uhm... only thing i know about the new chapter is that it's FULLY AWESOME! :hero:

2009-04-19 14:06:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

2009-04-19 14:08:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

wow... you're fast... i edited my post and bolded it right after i posted

2009-04-19 14:12:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

This is lookin good but i havent the patience to read it..

so.. TLDR

2009-04-19 14:13:00

Author:
CreateNPlay

Posts: 1266

I guess that's why you post so many short little posts

Just don't have the patience to peruse and ponder.

You should; it is a really great story.

2009-04-19 16:40:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

Why isn't that fully awesome bolded?

BTW, there is no size description for the panda-thing. It can't exactly be panda-sized to carry a 15 ft long axe, but they're in a cave, so it can't be very big. Verdict?
Oh, whoops, I'll fix that, Thanks!

NEW CHAPTER COMING SOON... Oliver will be found, and something else will come, something that is more devilish than any monster so far.

2009-04-19 18:23:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

wow, 2 chapters in one day... sweetness

Noticed a small spelling mistake in the second one:
"The... the man... he had no face. Get me out of this cage, and I will tell you everyhting. The key is just on the crate over there."
I know its minor... but the grammar nazi in me wont let go D:

Really looking forward to the next one, keep up the great work

(oh, and thanks for the subscription notices)

2009-04-20 04:41:00

Author:
Burnvictim42

Posts: 3322

Thanks! I updated the post with the correction!

2009-04-20 04:54:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Looks great, but I'm too busy working on my own stories to read it all. Though I will if you can give me more feedback on the ones I wrote.

One thing I noticed in the first chapter is that you start a lot of chapters with "and."

That's a bad idea in writing, from what little I know of it. Either you can use a semi-colon with and after it, to indicate a large pause without actually ending the sentence, or reword it.

Still, with what little knowledge of writing I have, I'm hardly one to talk. -.-

2009-04-20 05:10:00

Author:
Echonian

Posts: 279

Couple of mistakes in the last chapter:

I remembered the knife I had picken up before. Slowly I reached for my pocket, were I kept it, and pulled it out. I put it infront of me, aiming at the beetle.

picked and where.

As I layed on my back staring into the almost human eyes of the beetle, a shape flew through the sky coming from behind the beetle.

Lay. (NB: The axe was 3 times the size of a human?! Thrown? That'd weigh, like, 600Kg! Not to be too bringing you down, but wouldn't that cause a cave-in?

)

He walked over to a small crate and sat on it. I did the same.

After this line, I presumed it was "I" who was speaking. Turned out it was the father, so maybe a "Blah blah blah", he began, "blah blah..." should clarify this?

AS we walked up to him a loud growl made me jump. I looked down into the arkness, the way the creature was looking.

Double Caps

Aside from these, great chapter, nice and long. Is Oliver the dad then, or the mysterious "man". And "the shuttle"? And what caused the creatures? They're not new?

This is more nail-biting than Lost!

2009-04-20 08:32:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

I can make mistakes and it doesn't say!

Also, we will learn about the shuttle in an upcoming 'special' chapter!

Also, the dad is not the mysterious man, the mysterious man has something to do with the creature they saw at the end of the chapter, coming out of the darkness.

2009-04-20 15:19:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

I want to know about the fight!

This is getting really awesome! I'm trying to imagine this stuff in mah head, thinking how it would look in a movie... Must be pretty epic o.o

2009-04-20 15:53:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

2009-04-20 22:01:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Oh my god, those two chapters were awesome man. We finally find out who this Oliver fellow his, and it appears to be his dad? Wow! I still want to know what this panda thing is doing here, and more especially, the girl.

Great two new additions, awesome job.
To tell you the truth, I still have to make up why the girl is down here. Most of the stuff I write, I think of on the spot.

So far I think all the reasons that things happens have been good, so I'll have a good reason she's down there.

Also, I know about the pandas past and shtuff. Lets just say it's one of the ONLY good monsters that came from the... Incident. I'll also explain more on the incident in a special chapter, as I stated in a above post!

2009-04-20 23:26:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

like i want to know the truth by using spoilers! neva!!!!

2009-04-20 23:43:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

2009-04-20 23:44:00

Author:
Echonian

Posts: 279

Still havn't had time to read this.

Would you suggest me splitting my story into smaller segments, so I actually get some feedback on them? I've gotten hardly enough, luckily, a friend of mine is helping me to edit and improve upon it.

Just having a fighting panda sounds awesome. I seriously need to read this sometime, after I perfect my first chapter, which may take weeks at this rate, I guess. Or even longer, depending on how I improve on my writing skillz.
Oh I forgot about your story! I shall read it soon!

Also, definitely split it into segments, this gives you more feedback and bumps, and makes the readers want more.

Also @ Yarbone, the truth has nothing to do with the story, just how I write it, in that spoiler tag is another spoiler tag about the panda though.

2009-04-20 23:51:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

The thing is, I'm writing mine to eventually become a series of books that will be a hobby for much of my life, if not my career, because I love reading and writing in general. I just need to improve on my style, by a lot, because its far from professional at this point.

I'll split the next one up.

2009-04-20 23:55:00

Author:
Echonian

Posts: 279

working on a new chapter? i want read the fightz0rz =3

2009-04-21 18:03:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

Ok I shall be writing the new and final chapter soon! But don't worry, it isn't the end of the series, just the end of Act I! Act 2 will start off with some history of the whole event, and our main characters will travel to their base!

2009-04-21 23:31:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

2009-04-21 23:46:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

Oh my God... Just Act 1!?

Jeez you must be a pro if your making this up as you go.
Well the main story line is already done, it's just the small details I make along the way.

I'll probably be writing the new chapter now!

EDIT: Due to extreme longness, this won't be the last chapter, one more chapter will come in several minutes! Once I am finished that I will send PMs to all the subscribers.

Also, for Act II I will probably make a new thread, because this threads first post is really long, and with two threads it will make it seem much 'epicer' and allow the dang spell checker to work!

2009-04-22 00:10:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

"We both grinned at each other and kept walking, following the panda into our new future; one with my each other. "
end of chapter 10^^
not sure what you meant... but needs fixin

"Lie to you? Why would I lie to you?" he anwsered, shocked at my question.

beginning of chapter 11^^

all the mistakes i found, and i have to say those chapters were EPIC! fantastic story, and i loved the ending line:
"Hope was on our side, and it was a giant fuzzy panda. "

XD keep up the great work! Are you gonna open act 1 in another thread?

2009-04-22 04:50:00

Author:
Burnvictim42

Posts: 3322

"We both grinned at each other and kept walking, following the panda into our new future; one with my each other. "
end of chapter 10^^
not sure what you meant... but needs fixin

Will fix those tomorrow, and also, this IS Act I

2009-04-22 05:36:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

lol, i meant act 2... you're not the only one with mistakes! haha

2009-04-22 07:14:00

Author:
Burnvictim42

Posts: 3322

Hope was on our side, and it was a giant fuzzy panda.

BAAHAHahahaahahahaaahahahaaa.

Act II please

2009-04-22 18:20:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

"We both grinned at each other and kept walking, following the panda into our new future; one with my each other. "
LOL I just fully read that and it sounds hilarious! One with my each other. LOL! But yes I fixed them mistakes.

2009-04-22 23:28:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

i will subscribe!

Really great story you have been writing! All the chapters are great!

2009-04-24 21:14:00

Author:
Snrm

Posts: 6419

When is Act II out? I want more!

And also, could you F4F on my story, possibly?

2009-04-24 22:43:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

When is Act II out? I want more!

And also, could you F4F on my story, possibly?
It will come out hopefully TODAY!!! I have an awesome story, and after a long thinking period I have created the reason why peoples heads hurt when they look at the Creator, and how the Creator creates the creatures!

If you really want to know why, right now then look here...

The Creature is a giant creature made up of many smaller creatures. That's why it broke off into several groups. When any of the smaller creatures sees the eyes of a human, they see inside there head, and look at a spot that keeps information, but the info they look for is... NIGHTMARES. They then take those Nightmares, and send them to the main creature, who creates them. But when this happens, the humans get headaches, and the creature leaves some of it's own information in the humans head.

Also, I didn't like some of the names so now the father and sons last name is 'Bardin' instead of Bandin. Also, the creatures are Vay and Arkan, instead of Var and Ort. Just thought I should say this so you don't get confuzzled in the future. Actually, I'm going to change the main characters name too.

EDIT: Just found good names; The father is now Grid Bardin, the son is Daedalus bardin, and the creature that attacked the world is Deimos. Deimos works perfectly because of it's meaning;

Means "terror" in Greek. This was one of the sons of the Greek god Ares. Also, a moon of Mars bears this name.

He brings terror, and it lived in space, so its PERFECT!

2009-04-24 23:37:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

i still need to raed the last two chapters o-o
o_O

O_O

O_o

o.0

2009-04-27 11:45:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

i still need to raed the last two chapters o-o
o_O

O_O

O_o

o.0
Well READ THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol harsh. Take your time, but you should definitely read them soon, as I am doing the first real chapter for The Unknown today. I started it yesterday, but the Internet closed!

2009-04-27 23:42:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Wow Cog, that was pretty good! The beginning was very mysterious and you did a great job of building the tension. The rest of the story is quite a trip, but it's very interesting and entertaining thus far. There are a lot of interesting creatures, characters, and events occurring.

I did find a spelling error in Chapter VIII Power:
"I knew I could get Oliver now, I just new it."

Pretty minor, but thought you'd like to know. Again, this is a very intriguing story, one that I'll probably need to read once more just to get all the details, but you've got my interest and I'll be sure to check out Act II once it's up.

Oh, also, just out of curiosity, is writing something you want to do professionally or is it just a hobby? It'd be cool to turn this into a book or something.

2009-04-28 20:15:00

Author:
mrsupercomputer

Posts: 1335

mrsupercomputer, I'll fill in for him: he's 13.

So I'd be reeaaally surprised if it were a job

2009-04-28 21:36:00

Author:
dawesbr

Posts: 3280

The last paragraph is a bit confusing, seeing as you had changed the characters names. Check it out.

"I am Var, and this is Ort." it anwsered.

With that me, Vay and Arkan started to walk off, my dad quickly joined us. Slowly, as always, we walked towards our destination, and the place were we will destory the creatures that have destroyed our world. We will end this war, and we will be victorious.

2009-04-28 21:59:00

Author:
Whalio Cappuccino

Posts: 5250

mrsupercomputer, I'll fill in for him: he's 13.

So I'd be reeaaally surprised if it were a job

I knew that, but I was just curious if it was something he was interested in pursuing as a profession. Although, I guess you don't really start to think about that stuff until college.

2009-04-29 02:15:00

Author:
mrsupercomputer

Posts: 1335

The last paragraph is a bit confusing, seeing as you had changed the characters names. Check it out.
14! Rawr!

Thanks for the feedback mrsupercomputer, being an author had always interested me as a full career, along with directing, and lifeguarding.

I'll also check out those errors.

Man I really need to start writing the next chapters, I keep starting but never finish! I will try to finish one tomorrow!

2009-04-29 02:20:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

And i still need to read the last to chapters!

I'm sorry for being this lazy... >_<

2009-04-29 21:30:00

Author:
Yarbone

Posts: 3036

And i still need to read the last to chapters!

I'm sorry for being this lazy... >_<
Don't worry, I have been taking forever to make the next chapter! I will try to make it soon!

I have a cool type of zombie that will be in several of the next chapters. And a 'Holy Cow'!

2009-04-30 00:43:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

Would like to subscribe hope this is the right spot to tell you.....great story BTW, I enjoy reading the different stories on here....

2009-05-01 03:04:00

Author:
Lil-Pingin

Posts: 396

Would like to subscribe hope this is the right spot to tell you.....great story BTW, I enjoy reading the different stories on here....

Yes it is, and thanks! I shall add you momentarily

2009-05-01 03:24:00

Author:
Kog

Posts: 2358

ok thanks a bunch

2009-05-01 03:30:00

Author:
Lil-Pingin

Posts: 396

I am subscribing...=D

2009-05-10 21:08:00

Author:
BlackHairedGoon

Posts: 160

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